last week, i had to go in for jury duty. i gotta say, i really had a great time. people always say it's such a pain, and that it's so boring. but what's so terrible about getting out of work, and being able to have all the time you want to read a good book? and then the best part is, you get to be part of the whole jury process - which is like being on an episode of Law and Order! i had a great time!
but you know, i learned something about myself. it turns out, i'm not a good person to choose for a jury.
all my co-workers thought that i would get chosen for a trial bc they said i was so nice, and not overly opinionated about anything. and i sort of agreed with them. i thought to myself, "yeah, i'm not very political or racist or have experienced anything really crazy in my life." but it turns out, i AM very opinionated.
for my first trial that was ushered in for, the case was about a man who allegedly raped 2 girls - a 13-year old and a 15 year old girl. for the first 30 minutes, i couldn't stop thinking that he was guilty, and thoughts of "how could you do something like that?!" kept crossing my mind. and after i had to listen to the 15 counts of indictment, i was feeling more and more convinced that he was in the wrong - even though the judge kept emphasizing that these were simply allegations and not evidence. for 30 minutes, i argued with myself to try to be impartial and open, and it was harder than i thought it would be. finally, i thought about how perhaps maybe the girls were lying, and that i had to give this man a chance to tell his side of the story. and even though i felt reluctant, i was able to come to a place in my head to be neutral.
and amidst my inner arguing, i kept staring at this man's attorney - the criminal defense lawyer - and i found myself being angry at him too! i kept thinking, "how do you sleep at night?! knowing you're defending men who rape underage girls!" i was angry at the convicted man and his attorney. i wanted to say - you deserve no attorney! not after what you did! and then after some more struggling, i remembered that at one point in my sister's law school years, she had strongly considered becoming a criminal defense lawyer bc she had said that more often than not, these criminals weren't actually criminals. but they needed good lawyers to help them. and i thought about how my sister could've been this attorney. so i changed my mind. it's true. we all need someone to defend us - whether we're guilty or not. and we all deserve to be given a fair chance to tell our side. we can't just judge someone at the drop of a hat.
and finally, after 30 minutes, i was finally able to be impartial - was open to the idea that he was innocent - to put my initial outrage aside to hear him out. and that shocked me. i came into that courtroom thinking that i was so good at being impartial, but here i was - a terrible juror. and do you know why i was a terrible juror? bc i'm a terrible sinner.
i realized that being a juror showed my true colors - i am a judgmental person, and i have trouble showing grace. it's funny bc i realized this about myself a few years ago, and have been working on trying to become a more grace-ful person. but i saw that this sinful side still lives in me. the good news is, i recognize it now. and i try to counter it as much as i can.
i never thought serving on jury duty would be such a humbling experience. to see how much God loves me despite my sinful tendencies. to see how much God loves His children - even when they commit crimes - He forgives them and sees you with His future glory eyes. and if God can do that, then i would have to try as well.
i think everyone should serve on jury duty. it's enlightening to learn about how the jury system works in our country, and it's humbling/glorifying to see how the economy of God's mercy works.
