Sharing is caring

An interesting thing happened yesterday.  Sy and I were checking out a new church, and after the service was over, I noticed that there was a table with coffee and munchkins free to take.  I immediately gravitated towards this table, happily grabbed a munchkin, and walked back to Sy as I munched and ate it.

Once he saw me, he asked me, "You only got 1 munchkin? You didn't bring me one?" And I realized, I didn't think about him whatsoever, or if he might want a munchkin.  And I should've known... who doesn't want a munchkin?

But here's the back story.  I've been going to my previous church for 10 years.  And for 10 years, I've had the same routine.  After service, I go get a munchkin, talk to some friends, then go out for lunch.  I never had anyone to think about to bring extra munchkins for.  So, out of force of habit, when I saw these munchkins, I just went for it.  It may have been a different location, but to me, it was a revised version of my old routine.

I felt bad after he pointed it.  (Especially because he continues to point out that I'm not really good at sharing.)  I admit it.  I'm not good at sharing.  I've never been good at sharing.  I do it... but reluctantly.  Maybe it's because there was never surplus treats for me growing up. Or maybe it was because my sister is 4 years older, so for many years of my life, I felt like an only child and didn't have to share.  But either way, I'm bad at sharing.  I'm aware of this shortcoming of mine, and I do work on being a more sharing person, but it definitely doesn't come naturally, and it comes with a lot self-chiding to make myself a better person.  Hence - I forgot to get my own husband a munchkin. 

I realized that my reluctance to share is also tied to my overall selfishness.  I like being selfish.  Therefore, I don't like to share.  It's my munchkin.  I found it.  You didn't. Go get your own! 

Sigh, marriage just keeps on revealing how selfish I am.  It's not a fun process to see your sins exposed, but worse - to have to try to do something about it. Sometimes, when Sy and I are sitting on the couch watching tv, I will want to snack on something, and I forget to offer him some.  A large part of me wants to defend myself and say, just ask for a bite!  No need to get stinky at me because I forgot to offer you some!  But when I think about how I would feel if the tables were turned, and he perpetually forgot to share with me, I'd be sad too.  When I turn things around to how I would feel (again, so selfish!), then I really begin to understand how it feels to be on the receiving end of selfishnes.

I really hope that in this first year of marriage (which they say is the hardest year of marriage), we will work out all our kinks, and I will burn away much of my selfishness for the sake of a loving and caring marriage.  Sharing really is caring.  I just gotta care for him more.  Wish me luck!