I think one of the hardest things about marriage is the fact that 2 people must somehow be able to co-exist forever. It was hard enough living with roommates because roommates all have different standards of aspects of life: cleanliness, finances, noise, personal space, etc. Living with roommates gets tough bc having different standards for life can make your co-existence filled with friction. That's why eventually people choose to live on their own because it's so much easier to be alone than with someone else.
But when you get married, you're not only living with this person, but you're stuck with this person with no end in sight. Now, don't get me wrong - I love marriage. But when you're making friction, it can feel like there's no end in sight.
Sy and I have different standards for certain parts of our lives. And lately, I've really been struggling with how you reconcile those differences. How do you live with someone who believes in something that you just don't believe in? I'll give a harmless example:
Let's say that a wife loves golf. She spends money to go golfing at the range; she spends hours away from her husband and family playing golf. The husband thinks that golf is not a good sport due to its high cost in money and time, and would prefer if the wife were to quit. What do you do? The wife enjoys golf - do you take it away from her? Or do you tell the husband to ignore it for her happiness - even though it makes him unhappy?
There's nothing wrong with golf inherently - it's not an evil sport. and yet, 2 people have different standards of what is an acceptable sport or not. There are pros and cons to both. What are you to do?
And this is where marriage gets tricky. No 2 people are ever going to be 100% in sync with each other on everything. So then what do you when you reach this point? What do you do if these differences are actually major passion points in their lives? How do you reconcile such deep differences?
This is where I am. I don't know what you're supposed to do. What would Jesus do in this situation? I have no idea. I really wish I knew.
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Monday, November 7, 2016
Happy Anniversary To Us!
Sy and I recently celebrated our 1 year anniversary! It's shocking how fast a year has gone by. Wedding planning memories still feel super vivid to me, and yet, an entire year of 4 seasons has come and gone. I still feel like we ought to be considered newlyweds, because we certainly don't feel like seasoned veterans just yet.
In the weeks leading up to our anniversary, I was pretty busy planning our trip to Korea and also our trip to Seattle. And me, being the crazy-planner that I am, also was trying to plan our actual anniversary celebration as well. And it really got me reflecting about our first year of marriage. Questions like, did we have a good first year? what did we get better at? where did we fall short? what can we do better? how far have we come? kept creeping into my mind any time I had a spare quiet moment.
Before we got married, I was pretty nervous. I had been thoroughly warned that the first year of marriage is the hardest. And while I knew couples who breezed through their first year, I certainly knew plenty who had a hard time. I had feared that we would land on the unlucky side, and had mentally braced myself for it. To be honest, our first 3 months of marriage were hard. By the time we came back from our honeymoon, we were thrust into the holiday season, and neither of us had foresaw how chaotic and stressful it would be to manage 2 very needy families. We ended up fighting a lot and it freaked me out a lot. You hear about phrases like "the honeymoon phase" and it scared me that we could fight so much in what should be our honeymoon phase. Did we make a mistake? Should we not have gotten married? Those were terrifying questions to have to answer.
But time kept moving on, and we somehow managed to survive that storm. We came out of it beaten and tired, but alive. Perhaps this was part of how we were able to rise above it. I think we just got tired of fighting so much, and wanted some peace and quiet and chose to let some things slide, or figured out how to prevent certain arguments. And things got better. Perhaps that is what marriage and relationships are like. You start off full of energy, ready to change the world and your spouse, and then you realize it's too hard. Let me work on the smaller stuff and get better success rates this way. And then all of a sudden, you look back, and you have all these months of happy memories piled up to land on when you get knocked down from a fight. And when you fall down, it doesn't feel so bad.
I'm really proud of our first year. Sy and I are two very different people. We think so differently and react so opposite-ly that it could have been a much harder year. But at the end of the day, I always knew he loved me like crazy, and having that nugget to hold on to gave me strength to keep pushing through. When I think back on our first year, I remember so many happy memories. It really was a good year.
So, in true Mia fashion - I made some Year 2 Marriage Resolutions to make our 2nd year better - not just for us, but also for myself. I want to be a better wife, and I want to be a better "helper" that God has called me to be.
1. I will cook us more dinner.
I'm not saying I want to go back to the '50s and become an apron-donning stay at home mom. But I think there is something valued at being a mom who's cooking the whole family loves. But how can I become that kind of mom if I'm always ordering pizza and thai bc I'm too lazy to cook? So, it's time that I start practicing cooking on a more regular basis, save us some money, eat healthier home-cooked meals, and make my husband happy!
2. I will pray for Sy more.
I'm ashamed to say that I prayed for him less this year than I did when we were dating. I spent so much precious prayer-real estate on things that I wanted selfishly, that I just stopped praying for him. But no more! I will be his prayer-warrior wife and always have him covered in prayer as the head of our household.
3. I will work on reviving my own spiritual life as a wife.
It's funny. I don't think I fell away from God, but I know that God stopped being a priority somehow. I was so focused all year on making sure we had a happy marriage that I figured God would be okay with this. But in recent months, I've noticed a feeling of longing for the past. I had wondered if it was that I missed being single, but I've realized that it's that I miss feeling intimate with God. I associate my single days with my best times with God. So I've decided that in year 2 of marriage, I will prioritize God AND my marriage. I know what it looks like to be single and have a great relationship with God. But I'm not so sure what it looks like to be married and have a great relationship with God. It'll be a big learning curve, but I'm ready.
I hope my readers out there will pray for me and Sy, and will also encourage me to stick to these marriage resolutions throughout the next year. I'm hoping it's gonna be a really wonderful year full of more blessings than I can imagine!
In the weeks leading up to our anniversary, I was pretty busy planning our trip to Korea and also our trip to Seattle. And me, being the crazy-planner that I am, also was trying to plan our actual anniversary celebration as well. And it really got me reflecting about our first year of marriage. Questions like, did we have a good first year? what did we get better at? where did we fall short? what can we do better? how far have we come? kept creeping into my mind any time I had a spare quiet moment.
Before we got married, I was pretty nervous. I had been thoroughly warned that the first year of marriage is the hardest. And while I knew couples who breezed through their first year, I certainly knew plenty who had a hard time. I had feared that we would land on the unlucky side, and had mentally braced myself for it. To be honest, our first 3 months of marriage were hard. By the time we came back from our honeymoon, we were thrust into the holiday season, and neither of us had foresaw how chaotic and stressful it would be to manage 2 very needy families. We ended up fighting a lot and it freaked me out a lot. You hear about phrases like "the honeymoon phase" and it scared me that we could fight so much in what should be our honeymoon phase. Did we make a mistake? Should we not have gotten married? Those were terrifying questions to have to answer.
But time kept moving on, and we somehow managed to survive that storm. We came out of it beaten and tired, but alive. Perhaps this was part of how we were able to rise above it. I think we just got tired of fighting so much, and wanted some peace and quiet and chose to let some things slide, or figured out how to prevent certain arguments. And things got better. Perhaps that is what marriage and relationships are like. You start off full of energy, ready to change the world and your spouse, and then you realize it's too hard. Let me work on the smaller stuff and get better success rates this way. And then all of a sudden, you look back, and you have all these months of happy memories piled up to land on when you get knocked down from a fight. And when you fall down, it doesn't feel so bad.
I'm really proud of our first year. Sy and I are two very different people. We think so differently and react so opposite-ly that it could have been a much harder year. But at the end of the day, I always knew he loved me like crazy, and having that nugget to hold on to gave me strength to keep pushing through. When I think back on our first year, I remember so many happy memories. It really was a good year.
So, in true Mia fashion - I made some Year 2 Marriage Resolutions to make our 2nd year better - not just for us, but also for myself. I want to be a better wife, and I want to be a better "helper" that God has called me to be.
1. I will cook us more dinner.
I'm not saying I want to go back to the '50s and become an apron-donning stay at home mom. But I think there is something valued at being a mom who's cooking the whole family loves. But how can I become that kind of mom if I'm always ordering pizza and thai bc I'm too lazy to cook? So, it's time that I start practicing cooking on a more regular basis, save us some money, eat healthier home-cooked meals, and make my husband happy!
2. I will pray for Sy more.
I'm ashamed to say that I prayed for him less this year than I did when we were dating. I spent so much precious prayer-real estate on things that I wanted selfishly, that I just stopped praying for him. But no more! I will be his prayer-warrior wife and always have him covered in prayer as the head of our household.
3. I will work on reviving my own spiritual life as a wife.
It's funny. I don't think I fell away from God, but I know that God stopped being a priority somehow. I was so focused all year on making sure we had a happy marriage that I figured God would be okay with this. But in recent months, I've noticed a feeling of longing for the past. I had wondered if it was that I missed being single, but I've realized that it's that I miss feeling intimate with God. I associate my single days with my best times with God. So I've decided that in year 2 of marriage, I will prioritize God AND my marriage. I know what it looks like to be single and have a great relationship with God. But I'm not so sure what it looks like to be married and have a great relationship with God. It'll be a big learning curve, but I'm ready.
I hope my readers out there will pray for me and Sy, and will also encourage me to stick to these marriage resolutions throughout the next year. I'm hoping it's gonna be a really wonderful year full of more blessings than I can imagine!
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Marital Bliss(ters)
Whenever I talk to my single friends, I'm always filled with sadness when I hear about their loneliness and their fears of being single forever. I remember those sentiments all too well. I remember feeling so much relief when Sy and I got engaged, and I thought I finally had my happy ending. No more breakups, no more single girl loneliness, no more jealousy at happy couples, no more fear of being alone. It was wonderful.
But people don't ever talk about the hard part of marriage. In movies, we see all the effort and journey of going from building the courage to ask out someone to the bliss of the beginnings of relationships - and then the predictable plot twist where a relationship seems tenuous, and then the happy resolution. But this is where the movie ends - a wedding kiss, a happy embrace, a tearful reunion. They never show you what happens after - the difficulties of 2 becoming 1. I think we just assume that because you're in love, you'll never fight again. Because it was so hard to overcome that first battle, you'll never forget it and always be eternally grateful. But it's not true. Humans are so forgetful. Within a day we forget the considerate things people do for us. Within hours, we forget about our diets. Within seconds, a good mood can turn sour and emotions flare up.
Just because you get married doesn't mean forever anymore. The D word still looms over you like a dark cloud, no matter how christian you are - because the sad truth is - divorce happens to everyone. And when divorce comes knocking at your door, asking to hang out for a few hours, it may not stay for long, but the stench of it lingers for days.
In a book I'm reading, I read a quote, "Piece of free advice -- never try and work out what's going on in someone else's marriage." - The Light Between Oceans. I've learned that every marriage is different and every marriage has its struggles. Yes, every couple seems picture perfect on instagram and facebook. They look so happy! They go on all these cute dates and they're so romantic! But I'm learning - every marriage is hard. Every marriage has its ups and downs. You just never know which curve you'll get when you ask the question - how's married life?
Friends - pray for your married friends. Pray for their marriages. They need it as much as the single people do. Maybe even more.
But people don't ever talk about the hard part of marriage. In movies, we see all the effort and journey of going from building the courage to ask out someone to the bliss of the beginnings of relationships - and then the predictable plot twist where a relationship seems tenuous, and then the happy resolution. But this is where the movie ends - a wedding kiss, a happy embrace, a tearful reunion. They never show you what happens after - the difficulties of 2 becoming 1. I think we just assume that because you're in love, you'll never fight again. Because it was so hard to overcome that first battle, you'll never forget it and always be eternally grateful. But it's not true. Humans are so forgetful. Within a day we forget the considerate things people do for us. Within hours, we forget about our diets. Within seconds, a good mood can turn sour and emotions flare up.
Just because you get married doesn't mean forever anymore. The D word still looms over you like a dark cloud, no matter how christian you are - because the sad truth is - divorce happens to everyone. And when divorce comes knocking at your door, asking to hang out for a few hours, it may not stay for long, but the stench of it lingers for days.
In a book I'm reading, I read a quote, "Piece of free advice -- never try and work out what's going on in someone else's marriage." - The Light Between Oceans. I've learned that every marriage is different and every marriage has its struggles. Yes, every couple seems picture perfect on instagram and facebook. They look so happy! They go on all these cute dates and they're so romantic! But I'm learning - every marriage is hard. Every marriage has its ups and downs. You just never know which curve you'll get when you ask the question - how's married life?
Friends - pray for your married friends. Pray for their marriages. They need it as much as the single people do. Maybe even more.
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Teamwork makes the dream work
Last weekend, Sy and I went to a bbq, and we ended up playing an intense drinking game. The majority of the people playing were couples. Towards the latter half of the game-playing, people were starting to get really full from all the liquids being ingested so quickly, and it became a big struggle to have to lose. A pattern began to form in which if the girl lost, then her husband would drink her drink for her to help her from getting sick.
Now, we all know that I cannot drink for the life of me. I drink a few sips of anything, and I feel woozy and the room spins. Poor Sy has had to drink double the drinks ever since we got together bc I could never finish my own. But when it came to this game, I just couldn't stomach the idea (yes, pun intended!) of Sy drinking all my mistakes in addition to his own. So when I lost, I belly'ed up and drank my cup. The group cheered me on as they were surprised to see me hold my own. But like all drinking games do, people started getting sloppy and making more mistakes. There was a brief phase where the guys were making too many mistakes and needing to drink too fast too consecutively. The respective girlfriends and wives offered to drink it for them, just as they had done for us. For the other girls, this wasn't too hard. But when Sy had a slew of consecutive drinks in him, I courageously volunteered as tribute. I yelled out, "Give it to me! I'll drink it!" The group roared with surprise and awe. How could Mia, the most alcohol-intolerant one, offer to drink her husband's drink? It was true sacrifice. 1 drink for me was more potent than 1 drink for Sy. And yet, here I was - volunteering myself for him.
Later that night, as I played back the day as I always do while lying in bed before sleep, I laughed at how silly this game was. But it showed me an important aspect of marriage and relationships in general. A couple works best when both partners are trying to help each other out. Both the wives and the husbands all worked together to help the other not get too drunk. Sure, Sy could've drunk all my drinks. But where would that leave us? A very drunk and sick Sy... with me left to help clean him up and take care of him. That's not fun for either of us. But by us helping each other out? We both weathered the game okay and were able to just have fun at this ridiculous game.
This little example reminded me of that bible passage - "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:30. Biblically, the passage is about how Jesus' yolk is light bc he carries the majority of it.
Since marriage is symbolic of our marriage with Christ, I thought about how even in marriage, we have to carry our yolk. It's too hard for 1 person to bear all the burden. Sure, it's doable, but it's not ideal. So we carry it together. It's one of the main reasons why God gave us marriage - the wife is meant to be a helper. So we help each other - we carry each other's burdens together so it's not too burdensome for 1 person alone. And then lucky for us, Jesus carries all the burdens we can't carry.
I'm thankful that I have a husband who looks out for me and wants to help make my yolk lighter. And I will always do whatever I can to make his yolk lighter too. But I'm more thankful that we have a God who gave us the lightest yolk of all.
Now, we all know that I cannot drink for the life of me. I drink a few sips of anything, and I feel woozy and the room spins. Poor Sy has had to drink double the drinks ever since we got together bc I could never finish my own. But when it came to this game, I just couldn't stomach the idea (yes, pun intended!) of Sy drinking all my mistakes in addition to his own. So when I lost, I belly'ed up and drank my cup. The group cheered me on as they were surprised to see me hold my own. But like all drinking games do, people started getting sloppy and making more mistakes. There was a brief phase where the guys were making too many mistakes and needing to drink too fast too consecutively. The respective girlfriends and wives offered to drink it for them, just as they had done for us. For the other girls, this wasn't too hard. But when Sy had a slew of consecutive drinks in him, I courageously volunteered as tribute. I yelled out, "Give it to me! I'll drink it!" The group roared with surprise and awe. How could Mia, the most alcohol-intolerant one, offer to drink her husband's drink? It was true sacrifice. 1 drink for me was more potent than 1 drink for Sy. And yet, here I was - volunteering myself for him.
Later that night, as I played back the day as I always do while lying in bed before sleep, I laughed at how silly this game was. But it showed me an important aspect of marriage and relationships in general. A couple works best when both partners are trying to help each other out. Both the wives and the husbands all worked together to help the other not get too drunk. Sure, Sy could've drunk all my drinks. But where would that leave us? A very drunk and sick Sy... with me left to help clean him up and take care of him. That's not fun for either of us. But by us helping each other out? We both weathered the game okay and were able to just have fun at this ridiculous game.
This little example reminded me of that bible passage - "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:30. Biblically, the passage is about how Jesus' yolk is light bc he carries the majority of it.
I'm thankful that I have a husband who looks out for me and wants to help make my yolk lighter. And I will always do whatever I can to make his yolk lighter too. But I'm more thankful that we have a God who gave us the lightest yolk of all.
Monday, May 23, 2016
The Rollercoaster of life
Lately, there has been a sense of sadness in my life. Maybe "sadness" is too strong of a word. But a feeling of downness. I tried to pinpoint what was causing this feeling, or why I was feeling this way, and I think I figured it out.
2015 was an amazing year for me. In Feb, Sy and I got engaged, and I had a beautiful, shiny diamond on my finger, and months' work of wedding planning to do. I loved wedding planning, so it was such a fun time for me. In May, Sy and I both got new jobs. I finally got a job in marketing after years of applying and getting rejected. It was my career-dream come true! In Sept, we moved into a brand new luxury apt. I had always wanted to live in a super lux building, and now I finally was. I felt like I had "made it" in life and was living in the lap of luxury. In Oct, we got married! Had the best day of my life! I never felt more beautiful and special than I did on that day. And then we left for our honeymoon - my best vacation ever.
Looking back, it was seriously the best year of my life. It was literally high after high after high.
So, now, here in 2016, there aren't as many highs as there used to be. Did I get used to constantly have the best ___ ever? Maybe I did! I've now been at my job for about a year, and the novelty has worn off. I no longer feel super lucky to have this job - it's just a job again. I no longer feel like I'm doing something really new and exciting - everything has become routine and rote. I am no longer planning my own wedding. The best day of my life is behind me and I'll technically never get to get married again - no amazing wedding dress, no photographers and videographers following me around - nothing! I'm so ordinary! We've been living in our apt and enjoying it. But now it's just our home - nothing crazy and unique.
If I think about my life in a graph-format, I realized that 2015 was like the up-part of a rollercoaster. My rollercoaster was just constantly ticking upwards to the pinnacle point, and now, the rollercoaster has passed its peak, and now we're coasting downwards. And it's not like we're going "down" into suffering or struggles. It's just no longer going upwards. Sy and I are going through the motions of being married. And while it's mostly good - there are times when marriage is tough - filled with phases of fighting, trying to not get annoyed by each other, compromising, doing things for the other person that you really don't feel like doing, and settling into our new roles.
Yes, we've experienced some new highs together - like our trip to London, my upcoming new role as an aunt to my sister's baby, learning to cook more, etc. But man, nothing compares to those major milestones I had in 2015. It's hard to adjust to a more ordinary life now.
I miss those days. I think this is just a new part of life that I have to figure out. I'm not depressed or down or sad. I'm just not on a high. I think this is very similar to our christian lives. You can't go from high to high with retreat after retreat. You have to figure out how to find joy and the highs in the mundane and the routine. I'm re-finding God through this process and not just thanking Him for all my amazing blessings, but just walking with Him in the boring as well. If life is a rollercoaster - then eventually, the ride will go back up. All parts of a rollercoaster ride are fun - you never say that just the highs were the best part - you say the whole ride was great. So I'm going to just keep on keeping my head up and remembering that this is all part of my rollercoaster ride of life. But I'm not gonna lie - I can't wait for more highs to come my way! =)
2015 was an amazing year for me. In Feb, Sy and I got engaged, and I had a beautiful, shiny diamond on my finger, and months' work of wedding planning to do. I loved wedding planning, so it was such a fun time for me. In May, Sy and I both got new jobs. I finally got a job in marketing after years of applying and getting rejected. It was my career-dream come true! In Sept, we moved into a brand new luxury apt. I had always wanted to live in a super lux building, and now I finally was. I felt like I had "made it" in life and was living in the lap of luxury. In Oct, we got married! Had the best day of my life! I never felt more beautiful and special than I did on that day. And then we left for our honeymoon - my best vacation ever.
Looking back, it was seriously the best year of my life. It was literally high after high after high.
So, now, here in 2016, there aren't as many highs as there used to be. Did I get used to constantly have the best ___ ever? Maybe I did! I've now been at my job for about a year, and the novelty has worn off. I no longer feel super lucky to have this job - it's just a job again. I no longer feel like I'm doing something really new and exciting - everything has become routine and rote. I am no longer planning my own wedding. The best day of my life is behind me and I'll technically never get to get married again - no amazing wedding dress, no photographers and videographers following me around - nothing! I'm so ordinary! We've been living in our apt and enjoying it. But now it's just our home - nothing crazy and unique.
If I think about my life in a graph-format, I realized that 2015 was like the up-part of a rollercoaster. My rollercoaster was just constantly ticking upwards to the pinnacle point, and now, the rollercoaster has passed its peak, and now we're coasting downwards. And it's not like we're going "down" into suffering or struggles. It's just no longer going upwards. Sy and I are going through the motions of being married. And while it's mostly good - there are times when marriage is tough - filled with phases of fighting, trying to not get annoyed by each other, compromising, doing things for the other person that you really don't feel like doing, and settling into our new roles.
Yes, we've experienced some new highs together - like our trip to London, my upcoming new role as an aunt to my sister's baby, learning to cook more, etc. But man, nothing compares to those major milestones I had in 2015. It's hard to adjust to a more ordinary life now.
I miss those days. I think this is just a new part of life that I have to figure out. I'm not depressed or down or sad. I'm just not on a high. I think this is very similar to our christian lives. You can't go from high to high with retreat after retreat. You have to figure out how to find joy and the highs in the mundane and the routine. I'm re-finding God through this process and not just thanking Him for all my amazing blessings, but just walking with Him in the boring as well. If life is a rollercoaster - then eventually, the ride will go back up. All parts of a rollercoaster ride are fun - you never say that just the highs were the best part - you say the whole ride was great. So I'm going to just keep on keeping my head up and remembering that this is all part of my rollercoaster ride of life. But I'm not gonna lie - I can't wait for more highs to come my way! =)
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Accidental cooking lessons
Last weekend, my husband and I had a crazy weekend as we prepared to throw a birthday party for his grandma who turned 99. We invited his entire extended family on his father's side, which came out to 19 people in total. It was definitely daunting to think about cooking for such a large group of people, but I was ready for the challenge. This would be the first time we hosted a large group like this in our not-so-large apt, and the first time I'd be cooking a korean meal for his family. It was a lot of pressure!
So, Sy and I decided that we would go simple - or so we thought - and make 3 things: 1 main dish, and 2 side dishes. We planned on making Bibimbap (korean rice bowl with mixed vegetables and meat) with baked soy garlic chicken wings, and crab/scallion pancakes.
Man oh man. It was a crazy weekend. We went grocery shopping on Sat evening, and we thought, okay, we'll just prep the vegetables before we sleep and get a head start on Sun. We ended up prepping vegetables from 11pm-2:30am. Why did it take so long? Because our apt was not prepared to cook such large quantities of food! First of all, it took forever to dice up 8 zucchinis. And then we had to saute the zucchinis - and our largest frying pan could not hold it all. I had to saute all the zucchinis in 3 batches! Repeat this exact process as we peeled, chopped up, sauteed 10 carrots. Btw, do you know how hard it is to wash 5 bunches of spinach? After you unbundle them and wash them, you're left with literally a mountain of spinach. I had not enough bowls to place the cleaned spinach! Every large bowl in my kitchen was utilized to just hold the spinach and every inch of counter space looked like a greenhouse filled with spinach. And then I had to boil a large pot of water, then boil the spinach, drain it, squeeze out all the water, and set aside - 3x total! Each process was so long and frustrating! I had no idea that cooking for 19 people would be so arduous and difficult in a small kitchen.
Let's just say with the rest of the ingredients, it was also a long process. You try making 60 crab pancakes, and cooking 40 chicken wings. On Sunday, we cooked from 12pm-5pm when our guests arrived. (side note, we even had to make an emergency run to Party City in the morning bc we realized we didn't own bowls that were large enough to hold bibimbap! what a fail!) So it's fair to say - this was quite an ordeal.
Our apt was complete chaos. We put all the adults at our dining table, and brought out every chair, stool, and something to sit on we had. We sat all the cousins on the floor on a side table we store under our couch for emergencies like this. And 4 small children jumped on our couch as a trampoline while we ate. It was nuts.
By the time everyone went home at 9pm, I was exhausted. We had used every bowl in our cabinets for the soup that my sister-in-law had made. There were 4 bags of trash. And at one point, the kids had moved to our bedroom, and used our bed as a trampoline again, and also had decided to throw all our pillows, pajamas, and stuffed animals on the floor. The thought of cleaning up after this marathon of cooking/hosting made me want to never want to host again.
It really made me wonder - how the heck did my mother's generation do this on a regular basis? I thought about my childhood and remembered all the happy times of family festivities and how easy it all seemed. My parents' generation came from a time when the average sibling size was 6-8 kids. My mom is 1 of 6 kids. Growing up, every Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Birthday celebrations were always filled with a minimum of 20 people - and that was before all the grandkids started to come along. How on earth did my aunts/mom do this with no help? Most of the men of their generation do not help out in the kitchen. (thank God Sy helped me!) And they cooked big, elaborate dishes! They made it seem so easy! It seemed like bowls of hot, steaming food just appeared out of nowhere. It made me wonder - did they start cooking days ahead of time? Did they ever complain to their husbands? Did they clean the house too? (bc I made Sy do that while I cooked. There was not enough time for me to do both!) I just started to realize how much our mothers' generation did for us.
Our moms are amazing people. I think marriage has made me realize just how much my mom did for us. I can barely cook dinner for us every night. Pizza is just such an easy solution. But not when I was growing up. We always ate a home cooked meal. Every time I go home, my mom packs me bags of frozen marinated food. I've always taken it for granted. But now I know, she must have sat at the kitchen table, prepping all this food for me for hours. No wonder she's always fishing for compliments! She's exhausted! =) I have no idea how my mother's generation did so much. (granted, I'm sure the larger cooking equipment will help for sure if I ever invest in them) But still! I'm so amazed. I'm so impressed. And most of all, I'm so humbled. I took it all for granted. I wish I could go back in time and hug all my aunts for all their hard work. I wish I could tell my mom that I appreciate all that she did. All I know is, from now on, I am always going to say thank you, and be genuinely thankful for it. They deserve our praise. And what they really deserve is a break - but I don't know if I'm ready to take this on every time. Haha!
Well, thank goodness we survived. The food came out great, all the relatives were happy, and all of our furniture is still intact. Whew! Hopefully, we won't have to host again for at least a few months. =)
p.s. lesson learned - bibimbap is actually a really hard dish to make for a large group of people. apparently, sy's mom internally laughed at us when we told her the menu and that we thought it was simple. *face palm
So, Sy and I decided that we would go simple - or so we thought - and make 3 things: 1 main dish, and 2 side dishes. We planned on making Bibimbap (korean rice bowl with mixed vegetables and meat) with baked soy garlic chicken wings, and crab/scallion pancakes.
Man oh man. It was a crazy weekend. We went grocery shopping on Sat evening, and we thought, okay, we'll just prep the vegetables before we sleep and get a head start on Sun. We ended up prepping vegetables from 11pm-2:30am. Why did it take so long? Because our apt was not prepared to cook such large quantities of food! First of all, it took forever to dice up 8 zucchinis. And then we had to saute the zucchinis - and our largest frying pan could not hold it all. I had to saute all the zucchinis in 3 batches! Repeat this exact process as we peeled, chopped up, sauteed 10 carrots. Btw, do you know how hard it is to wash 5 bunches of spinach? After you unbundle them and wash them, you're left with literally a mountain of spinach. I had not enough bowls to place the cleaned spinach! Every large bowl in my kitchen was utilized to just hold the spinach and every inch of counter space looked like a greenhouse filled with spinach. And then I had to boil a large pot of water, then boil the spinach, drain it, squeeze out all the water, and set aside - 3x total! Each process was so long and frustrating! I had no idea that cooking for 19 people would be so arduous and difficult in a small kitchen.
Let's just say with the rest of the ingredients, it was also a long process. You try making 60 crab pancakes, and cooking 40 chicken wings. On Sunday, we cooked from 12pm-5pm when our guests arrived. (side note, we even had to make an emergency run to Party City in the morning bc we realized we didn't own bowls that were large enough to hold bibimbap! what a fail!) So it's fair to say - this was quite an ordeal.
Our apt was complete chaos. We put all the adults at our dining table, and brought out every chair, stool, and something to sit on we had. We sat all the cousins on the floor on a side table we store under our couch for emergencies like this. And 4 small children jumped on our couch as a trampoline while we ate. It was nuts.
By the time everyone went home at 9pm, I was exhausted. We had used every bowl in our cabinets for the soup that my sister-in-law had made. There were 4 bags of trash. And at one point, the kids had moved to our bedroom, and used our bed as a trampoline again, and also had decided to throw all our pillows, pajamas, and stuffed animals on the floor. The thought of cleaning up after this marathon of cooking/hosting made me want to never want to host again.
It really made me wonder - how the heck did my mother's generation do this on a regular basis? I thought about my childhood and remembered all the happy times of family festivities and how easy it all seemed. My parents' generation came from a time when the average sibling size was 6-8 kids. My mom is 1 of 6 kids. Growing up, every Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Birthday celebrations were always filled with a minimum of 20 people - and that was before all the grandkids started to come along. How on earth did my aunts/mom do this with no help? Most of the men of their generation do not help out in the kitchen. (thank God Sy helped me!) And they cooked big, elaborate dishes! They made it seem so easy! It seemed like bowls of hot, steaming food just appeared out of nowhere. It made me wonder - did they start cooking days ahead of time? Did they ever complain to their husbands? Did they clean the house too? (bc I made Sy do that while I cooked. There was not enough time for me to do both!) I just started to realize how much our mothers' generation did for us.
Our moms are amazing people. I think marriage has made me realize just how much my mom did for us. I can barely cook dinner for us every night. Pizza is just such an easy solution. But not when I was growing up. We always ate a home cooked meal. Every time I go home, my mom packs me bags of frozen marinated food. I've always taken it for granted. But now I know, she must have sat at the kitchen table, prepping all this food for me for hours. No wonder she's always fishing for compliments! She's exhausted! =) I have no idea how my mother's generation did so much. (granted, I'm sure the larger cooking equipment will help for sure if I ever invest in them) But still! I'm so amazed. I'm so impressed. And most of all, I'm so humbled. I took it all for granted. I wish I could go back in time and hug all my aunts for all their hard work. I wish I could tell my mom that I appreciate all that she did. All I know is, from now on, I am always going to say thank you, and be genuinely thankful for it. They deserve our praise. And what they really deserve is a break - but I don't know if I'm ready to take this on every time. Haha!
Well, thank goodness we survived. The food came out great, all the relatives were happy, and all of our furniture is still intact. Whew! Hopefully, we won't have to host again for at least a few months. =)
p.s. lesson learned - bibimbap is actually a really hard dish to make for a large group of people. apparently, sy's mom internally laughed at us when we told her the menu and that we thought it was simple. *face palm
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
It's a miracle!
This past Sunday, I heard a man tell his testimony of how he was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of 20, and immediately began chemotherapy, and endured years of trying to fight the cancer. He talked about how when he finally finished all his treatment and was declared in remission, every once in a while, he would feel a deep sense of gratitude to be alive - like when he watched his sister walk down the aisle, or when he had his first baby.
As he reminisced these feelings of gratitude, it reminded me of my single days. I used to have a "theory" or rather statement that I talked about frequently. When I was single, I strongly felt that finding the one was like witnessing a miracle. So many "stars" have to align for a marriage to happen. 2 people need to meet somehow; and also be at the right point of their lives where they are ready to be in a serious relationship; and both people need to be in the mature mindset to see and accept each other; and both need to get through enough dating without any outside circumstances to get in the way to derail them; and then both need to have families that will help move them along to marriage; and lastly have the financial means to get married.
I guess this is why every person before the one is the wrong one. But it's also based on all these stars aligning. Sy and I often say to each other that if we had met each other years ago, we wouldn't have dated the other. It was only because we were both where we were when we met that we were open to each other. I think about my friend who was madly in love with a guy amidst a terrible family emergency. She was so stressed and emotionally needy that this guy couldn't take the heat. If she hadn't been going through that family situation, would they have survived? Quite possibly! But it all depends on all the stars aligning JUUUUUUST right that sparks fly and marriage becomes a glowing dot on the radar. I used to always cry out - it's a miracle if you find the one!
When I was single, this theory of mine freaked the heck out of me. It was frighteningly daunting to think about my odds of finding love. And now that I am married (and I won the marriage lottery), I realized how so many other things in life are miracles like this. You always hear the cliche "a baby is a miracle." And when I was younger, I always thought that was a bit of a dramatic statement. People have babies everyday. What's so hard about it? But now, as I am older, I hear countless stories of friends who have trouble conceiving, or fears from nervous mothers that their babies will be born with some kind of defect or illness. AGAIN - all the stars have to align perfectly for a baby to be born healthy! A single chromosome can change your life. Everything is so delicately placed into order. Having a baby is seriously a miracle. Having a healthy baby is a miracle on top of a miracle.
As this man spoke about how every once in a while, God reminds him of things to be grateful for, I realized that I want to be that grateful for all my own miracles. It's a miracle that Sy and I found each other and fell in love. It's a miracle that my sister is pregnant! There are so many miracles around us that we never notice bc we don't realize how miraculous it was to make it happen.
I really hope that I don't need a leukemia story of my own to remind me to be grateful every day. Although, I often look at Sy and feel like he is my own miracle reminder when I reflect back on all the heartache I endured. But in the meantime, let's see the miracles in our lives every day!
As he reminisced these feelings of gratitude, it reminded me of my single days. I used to have a "theory" or rather statement that I talked about frequently. When I was single, I strongly felt that finding the one was like witnessing a miracle. So many "stars" have to align for a marriage to happen. 2 people need to meet somehow; and also be at the right point of their lives where they are ready to be in a serious relationship; and both people need to be in the mature mindset to see and accept each other; and both need to get through enough dating without any outside circumstances to get in the way to derail them; and then both need to have families that will help move them along to marriage; and lastly have the financial means to get married.
I guess this is why every person before the one is the wrong one. But it's also based on all these stars aligning. Sy and I often say to each other that if we had met each other years ago, we wouldn't have dated the other. It was only because we were both where we were when we met that we were open to each other. I think about my friend who was madly in love with a guy amidst a terrible family emergency. She was so stressed and emotionally needy that this guy couldn't take the heat. If she hadn't been going through that family situation, would they have survived? Quite possibly! But it all depends on all the stars aligning JUUUUUUST right that sparks fly and marriage becomes a glowing dot on the radar. I used to always cry out - it's a miracle if you find the one!
When I was single, this theory of mine freaked the heck out of me. It was frighteningly daunting to think about my odds of finding love. And now that I am married (and I won the marriage lottery), I realized how so many other things in life are miracles like this. You always hear the cliche "a baby is a miracle." And when I was younger, I always thought that was a bit of a dramatic statement. People have babies everyday. What's so hard about it? But now, as I am older, I hear countless stories of friends who have trouble conceiving, or fears from nervous mothers that their babies will be born with some kind of defect or illness. AGAIN - all the stars have to align perfectly for a baby to be born healthy! A single chromosome can change your life. Everything is so delicately placed into order. Having a baby is seriously a miracle. Having a healthy baby is a miracle on top of a miracle.
As this man spoke about how every once in a while, God reminds him of things to be grateful for, I realized that I want to be that grateful for all my own miracles. It's a miracle that Sy and I found each other and fell in love. It's a miracle that my sister is pregnant! There are so many miracles around us that we never notice bc we don't realize how miraculous it was to make it happen.
I really hope that I don't need a leukemia story of my own to remind me to be grateful every day. Although, I often look at Sy and feel like he is my own miracle reminder when I reflect back on all the heartache I endured. But in the meantime, let's see the miracles in our lives every day!
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