Last week, Emily had a few really hard days. For 3 days, she had
such a hard time sleeping. I was constantly going to her and trying to
put her back to sleep. It felt very reminiscent of her awful 6 weeks
period. I woke up in the mornings with my old aches and pains in my
thumb, wrist, elbows, knees, and feet again. I was super miserable and
cried a lot.
But then Emily cleared up and became her
normal sleeping self again! It made me wonder - was it because she had
had such a hard Father's Day? Was it that it was just taking her really
long to re-adjust back to normal? If that is the case, then man, I never want to take her out again! It was the hardest 3 days!
A
cute thing I noticed about Emily last week was that whenever Emily gets
startled, she looks at me. I was feeding Emily, and had her sitting on
my propped-up legs. When my foot lost its grip, it slipped an inch and
Emily was moved suddenly while having her milk. She immediately got a
scared/startled look on her face and gripped my finger tightly in her
hands. At first, I thought it was so cute to see her get startled. But
then I realized that she looks to me to reassure her that she's safe.
Even when we go out for our daily stroll, if she ever hears loud noises
like a fire truck or a loud motorcycle, she looks at me with her
frightened eyes, and I smile down at her to say It's okay! Nothing to be scared of!
and she calms back down. It's cool to know that she trusts me. If I
say it's okay, then she knows she's safe. If I'm calm, she can be
calm. I hope Emily knows that I will always keep her safe and I will
always protect her.
This past weekend, Sy went to Vegas
and I was with Emily all day and all night by myself for 2.5 days. I
was nervous about it because I wasn't sure how I would handle the lack
of relief Sy brings when he comes home from work or is home for the
weekend. Could I really be a solo parent with no breaks? Well... I did
it! It was pretty exhausting with no one to tag me out when I got
tired. It made me wonder how single parents do it - or how anyone
achieves raising a child with no help whatsoever. If I didn't have
friends come and visit me throughout the weekend, I think I would've
gone crazy with the lack of adult conversation. I mean, I love Emily,
but she is not really the best conversationalist.
I'm
starting to think that Emily needs to be sleep trained. After the 3
days of really hard put-downs for naps, I started feeling like Emily
needs to learn how to sleep by herself. It was too hard on me to keep
going through 15-20 min of intense rocking every 30 min. When I talked
about it with my sister-in-law, she said that sleep training is
important bc this is a life skill she will use for the rest of her
life. She needs to learn how to sleep and fall back asleep on her own.
She can't rely on me forever. When I heard it from this perspective, I
knew she was right. I just don't have the confidence that I can sleep
train her by myself. I can't handle all the crying. I'm going to need
Sy to help keep me calm and not want to run in there and rescue her.
It'll be glorious when we successfully train her, but it's going to be
so painful getting there. Man, I hope she learns quickly - more for my
sake than hers!
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