This week was Emily's 100th day celebration! It was a busy week for me as I prepped for her big day to celebrate with our 2 families. I spent the week designing Emily's baekil table, and figuring out all the things we needed to buy. I wanted to make her baekil celebration look really special! She's my firstborn child, and I want her to look back on these pictures later on and know that her mom cared to make it wonderful for her.
On Sat and Sunday, Sy and I took turns going out to run errands for her party all day and night. It made me realize how life is so different when you have a baby. If this had been a normal party, Sy and I would've just spent like 3 hours doing all our errands at once. But when there's a baby involved - there's so much more planning to figure out. We can only go out if 1 of us is completely free to watch the baby - meaning I can't be pumping, or someone can't be showering. With my darn pumping schedule, I basically have to do everything in 3 hour increments. It made it all very difficult! But it got done! And it looked beautiful! And Emily made it through without any crying! Thank God! She's such a fantastic baby. We are so truly blessed.
In Korean culture, the 100 day celebration is supposed to celebrate the fact that the baby survived the most fragile time period. And if the baby can make it to 100 days, then she'll likely survive to adulthood. With today's modern medicine, making it to a 100 days isn't that hard anymore. But I do think it signifies something to the parents. WE made it. WE survived. And even though raising a baby is always going to be challenging, we survived the hardest time. I no longer feel like a newborn parent myself. I feel more experienced, wiser, and happier! We are out of the woods!
Some observations...
Emily has been rapidly developing, and it's so interesting to see how much she changes from week to week. This week, I noticed that she's starting to be able to roll over. She can turn herself completely to be on her side and just stay there while she looks at stuff!
She also recently figured out how to grab things - especially her hair. So now she's a hair-pulling little monster who scratches off her cradle cap like crazy. She looks like she has a major dandruff problem! Haha.
Interestingly, Emily has now developed a high-pitched whine/squeal. She uses it when she's tired or when she's really cranky. It's made me wonder if she's a whiny girl or if this is normal.
Emily has gone back to being difficult to put down to sleep at night. The merlin suit works great during the day, but not so much at night. I wonder how we're ever going to wean her off of it and into a regular sleep sack. And on top of that, I wonder how we're ever going to sleep train her bc it makes me so sad to hear her cry so hard.
Some days, I look at her chubby little face and wonder where our tiny newborn has gone. I still remember vividly how tiny she was and how little she used to move. Now, we have a full blown child in front of us - who has preferences and desires. She knows how to express herself. If she doesn't want to eat anymore, she will squeal and whine and push away the bottle and move her head away. She is her own person! I can't believe how fast it is all going. I'm already halfway through my maternity leave and I took an extra long one! I may be exhausted each day from taking care of her all day, but I will really miss these days when it's just us 2 - laughing and playing all day. I will miss our diaper change kisses time. I will miss her sweet smiles after she wakes up from each nap. I will miss watching her play in her play gym. For now, I am cherishing every moment even when I'm grumpy and tired. I love her so much.
Wednesday, May 23, 2018
Wednesday, May 16, 2018
Sweet Relief! - Week 12 Obvservations
Emily has had a great week! I don't know if it's truly the magic of the sleep suit, but we had a great week! Emily took good, long naps and didn't need me to go and get her constantly. I was able to do lots of things during my free time and feel somewhat normal again!
To make things even better - on Friday and Sat night - Emily slept 12 hours straight and woke up at 8am! It was crazy to see that she can sleep 12 hours. It was almost as if she turned 3 months old (on Friday) and immediately decided she wanted to be a big girl who could sleep long. We were so impressed with her!
Emily has also started to slowly grab things. She's begun hooking her favorite rattle with her index finger, and also lets it get caught in her wrist as a form of holding it. I find her little developments so cute!
It's made us truly think that Emily is a fantastic baby. She's been sleeping through the night since week 7, and we are so much more rested now. Sy and I worry that if we have a 2nd baby, he/she will be the complete opposite of Emily and will be a horrible sleeper. It's made me feel so much more thankful for Emily. There are a hundred different things that could make Emily a hard baby - she could have cholic, acid reflux, allergies, bottle aversions, anything! But she has none of these. I'm so thankful that she's such a good baby. When I think back on my pregnancy, and all the scares we encountered with her potentially having some kind of genetic disorder - I was so nervous for her birth because we would then know for sure if she had some kind of problem. But so far - she is a perfectly healthy baby with a sweet disposition and has amazing sleep abilities. I couldn't have asked for a better baby! We love you so much, Emily!
To make things even better - on Friday and Sat night - Emily slept 12 hours straight and woke up at 8am! It was crazy to see that she can sleep 12 hours. It was almost as if she turned 3 months old (on Friday) and immediately decided she wanted to be a big girl who could sleep long. We were so impressed with her!
Emily has also started to slowly grab things. She's begun hooking her favorite rattle with her index finger, and also lets it get caught in her wrist as a form of holding it. I find her little developments so cute!
It's made us truly think that Emily is a fantastic baby. She's been sleeping through the night since week 7, and we are so much more rested now. Sy and I worry that if we have a 2nd baby, he/she will be the complete opposite of Emily and will be a horrible sleeper. It's made me feel so much more thankful for Emily. There are a hundred different things that could make Emily a hard baby - she could have cholic, acid reflux, allergies, bottle aversions, anything! But she has none of these. I'm so thankful that she's such a good baby. When I think back on my pregnancy, and all the scares we encountered with her potentially having some kind of genetic disorder - I was so nervous for her birth because we would then know for sure if she had some kind of problem. But so far - she is a perfectly healthy baby with a sweet disposition and has amazing sleep abilities. I couldn't have asked for a better baby! We love you so much, Emily!
Friday, May 11, 2018
10 Things I used to do when I wasn't a mom of a newborn
As I was brushing my teeth the other day, I realized that there are so many things I don't do anymore now that I'm a mother of a newborn.
Before Emily was born, I used to...
1. Wear makeup everyday. I don't care anymore what I look like. I need the ability to rub my eyes without fear of smearing my eye make up bc I'm tired! I rub my eyes a lot!
2. Shower everyday. It's a good week if I've been able to shower every other day.
3. Wash my face. I'm ashamed to say this, but I rarely wash my face with facial cleanser now. I only wash it when I shower, and as you saw above, I don't get to shower much anymore.
4. Wear regular pants. Hahaha! It's been sweatpants everyday all day.
5. Brush my teeth twice a day. This one has actually evolved! I went from not brushing my teeth (because we were up so many times in the middle of the night and eating), to brushing once a day, and then finally twice a day. I had to really put my foot down about this bc I was getting worried that all my teeth would rot. So no matter how tired I am now, I must brush my teeth.
6. Read books. I really miss reading. But to be honest, with so little time in my day, it's probably more important that I keep up with current events so I'm not completely cut off from the world. But man, I miss reading a good book.
7. Go to the city. I realized the last time I was in the city was my last day of work. That was back in Feb! I haven't set foot outside of queens once yet. It's kind of depressing!
8. Eat at a normal pace. During the day, I eat as quickly as I can because I have no idea when Emily is going to wake up and if she's going to interrupt me. At night, you'd think I could eat at a normal pace bc Sy is home. But no - we have to eat quickly bc the slower I eat, the less time I have to relax before I sleep. I miss leisurely eating so much.
9. Sleep at midnight or beyond. For weeks now, Sy and I started sleeping at 10pm because Emily will wake up around 5am. It's the only way we can get about 6 hours of sleep. We can't even watch SNL like we used to bc it's way past our bedtime. I feel like we're an 80 year old couple.
10. Wear gym clothes for the gym. I now wear gym clothes as my regular clothes bc they're stretchy and comfy. I feel kind of dumb that I'm not working out in them, but hey - what else am I supposed to do? Buy more clothes?? No way - I gotz diapers to buy.
Life with a newborn really changes you. But is it worth it? Come on... have you seen my baby? She's the cutest! Of course she's worth it!
Before Emily was born, I used to...
1. Wear makeup everyday. I don't care anymore what I look like. I need the ability to rub my eyes without fear of smearing my eye make up bc I'm tired! I rub my eyes a lot!
2. Shower everyday. It's a good week if I've been able to shower every other day.
3. Wash my face. I'm ashamed to say this, but I rarely wash my face with facial cleanser now. I only wash it when I shower, and as you saw above, I don't get to shower much anymore.
4. Wear regular pants. Hahaha! It's been sweatpants everyday all day.
5. Brush my teeth twice a day. This one has actually evolved! I went from not brushing my teeth (because we were up so many times in the middle of the night and eating), to brushing once a day, and then finally twice a day. I had to really put my foot down about this bc I was getting worried that all my teeth would rot. So no matter how tired I am now, I must brush my teeth.
6. Read books. I really miss reading. But to be honest, with so little time in my day, it's probably more important that I keep up with current events so I'm not completely cut off from the world. But man, I miss reading a good book.
7. Go to the city. I realized the last time I was in the city was my last day of work. That was back in Feb! I haven't set foot outside of queens once yet. It's kind of depressing!
8. Eat at a normal pace. During the day, I eat as quickly as I can because I have no idea when Emily is going to wake up and if she's going to interrupt me. At night, you'd think I could eat at a normal pace bc Sy is home. But no - we have to eat quickly bc the slower I eat, the less time I have to relax before I sleep. I miss leisurely eating so much.
9. Sleep at midnight or beyond. For weeks now, Sy and I started sleeping at 10pm because Emily will wake up around 5am. It's the only way we can get about 6 hours of sleep. We can't even watch SNL like we used to bc it's way past our bedtime. I feel like we're an 80 year old couple.
10. Wear gym clothes for the gym. I now wear gym clothes as my regular clothes bc they're stretchy and comfy. I feel kind of dumb that I'm not working out in them, but hey - what else am I supposed to do? Buy more clothes?? No way - I gotz diapers to buy.
Life with a newborn really changes you. But is it worth it? Come on... have you seen my baby? She's the cutest! Of course she's worth it!
Tuesday, May 8, 2018
Self-soothing for me and for her - Week 11 Observations
This was a hard week. Emily really loves sucking on her hands, but as a result, it wakes her up. Since she was born, we've swaddled her tightly to prevent her from hitting her face and what not. But now, she's gotten pretty strong and can get her hands out and then constantly wakes herself up.
Wed was the worst - she was miserable from being so tired, and I was miserable from being so tired rocking her endlessly that we both cried hard. Emily cried a different kind of cry - it had a deep sorrowful sound to it. I cried hard and I think it surprised Emily to see her mom crying so hard with her. Sy and I realized we needed a solution fast bc this wasn't sustainable. I reached out to the Parenthood group on Facebook and got some suggestions on what to do to help her sleep better and someone recommended something called Baby Merlin's Magic Sleepsuit. We ordered it asap and it arrived on Friday.
It's been an interesting few days testing it out. Emily is able to sleep longer bc she can't really reach her hands to her face as easily. (That's amazing! Yay!) The bad part is that it's really puffy and makes her hot, and it's been a pretty hot week in the high 80s. But the good part is she looks super cute in it - like a mini astronaut in a space suit. (It's so adorable!)
As usual, we had a lot of guests over this weekend, and we realized that Emily is really sensitive to sound. We put her down for bed even though lots of people were still over, but there were 2 toddler boys around as well. When 1 of them cried hard bc he hurt himself, Emily woke up to it. When someone closed the bathroom door hard, that woke her up too. What a little sensitive baby we have! This reminds me 2 weeks ago, when Sy's dad was holding Emily, he had put his hand over her ear bc he couldn't believe how sensitive she was to sound and kept waking herself up! It was hilarious to see him do that - but interesting to see how accurate he was!
Emily is turning 3 months next week, and I'm realizing that now this means that I have to start teaching her things - things that are hard. I always told myself that until 3 months, she was too young to do things. But now, here we are. I have to start teaching her how to soothe herself to sleep. I have to sleep train her. I have to help her neck muscles more. It's scary to think about how my actions are going to affect her to become a functioning person. It's a lot of responsibility! I hope I can muster enough courage to be the mom she needs me to be. Looks like it's going to be another ice cream everyday week!
Wed was the worst - she was miserable from being so tired, and I was miserable from being so tired rocking her endlessly that we both cried hard. Emily cried a different kind of cry - it had a deep sorrowful sound to it. I cried hard and I think it surprised Emily to see her mom crying so hard with her. Sy and I realized we needed a solution fast bc this wasn't sustainable. I reached out to the Parenthood group on Facebook and got some suggestions on what to do to help her sleep better and someone recommended something called Baby Merlin's Magic Sleepsuit. We ordered it asap and it arrived on Friday.
It's been an interesting few days testing it out. Emily is able to sleep longer bc she can't really reach her hands to her face as easily. (That's amazing! Yay!) The bad part is that it's really puffy and makes her hot, and it's been a pretty hot week in the high 80s. But the good part is she looks super cute in it - like a mini astronaut in a space suit. (It's so adorable!)
As usual, we had a lot of guests over this weekend, and we realized that Emily is really sensitive to sound. We put her down for bed even though lots of people were still over, but there were 2 toddler boys around as well. When 1 of them cried hard bc he hurt himself, Emily woke up to it. When someone closed the bathroom door hard, that woke her up too. What a little sensitive baby we have! This reminds me 2 weeks ago, when Sy's dad was holding Emily, he had put his hand over her ear bc he couldn't believe how sensitive she was to sound and kept waking herself up! It was hilarious to see him do that - but interesting to see how accurate he was!
Emily is turning 3 months next week, and I'm realizing that now this means that I have to start teaching her things - things that are hard. I always told myself that until 3 months, she was too young to do things. But now, here we are. I have to start teaching her how to soothe herself to sleep. I have to sleep train her. I have to help her neck muscles more. It's scary to think about how my actions are going to affect her to become a functioning person. It's a lot of responsibility! I hope I can muster enough courage to be the mom she needs me to be. Looks like it's going to be another ice cream everyday week!
Monday, April 30, 2018
To be known and wanted - Week 10 Observations
This weekend, we had a lot of guests and visitors. Now that I'm a parent, I have learned that nothing is better than to have no guests ever.
On Friday night, we went over to Sy's family's house to have dinner together. Emily ate slower than she ever has - took nearly an hour to finish her bottle. She then was forced to stay up way past her usual bedtime so everyone could get enough playtime with her. But by 8pm, she looked like a zombie out of sheer exhaustion. At one point, she burst out into a cry that came out of nowhere, and I swear she was blowing up saying For the love of God - please let me sleep! When we finally got home, Emily had so much trouble sleeping. Usually when she's so exhausted, she knocks out and sleeps hard. But not this time - she couldn't stay down for the life of her. We ended up rocking her and going back and forth to her room until past 11pm! That was the first time we'd had to go to her past 8pm since she was 5 weeks old! It made me never want to take her out again!
On Saturday, a few of my friends came to visit, and I noticed that Emily was fine to be held by 2 out of the 3 of my friends. The one person Emily did not seem to like - she would cry everytime she tried to hold her. It made me wonder - can babies sense when someone is not good with babies? Can Emily feel the stiffness in her arms? Can Emily sense the lack of baby-love?
Also, another friend noticed that Emily would crane and stretch her neck to look for me since I wasn't holding her. At first I didn't believe her, but as I watched Emily throughout the afternoon, it did seem like she was looking for me.
On Sunday, my cousins came to visit, and this time - Emily seemed to cry when other people held her, but would calm down as soon as I held her.
It's made me wonder - does Emily know who I am in a crowd of people? Does she already have a little bit of stranger anxiety and want to be held by me to feel safe? On the one hand I find that so sweet. Never in my life has any baby ever wanted or requested me. It makes me feel special and loved to be her mama. But on the other hand, I am extremely worried that she will be one of those kids who cry and cry around strangers. I don't want that for Emily - I want her to be brave and independent and outgoing - to be happy to go to anyone and to be a friendly baby. How do you foster that kind of personality trait? How do you prevent stranger danger behavior?
It's been an interesting weekend. But man, am I relieved that it's Monday and we can give Emily a nice normal 5 days before the weekend chaos begins again. I hope she charges up enough routine-ness for the next 5 days so she can be ready for another jam packed weekend. Yikes!
On Friday night, we went over to Sy's family's house to have dinner together. Emily ate slower than she ever has - took nearly an hour to finish her bottle. She then was forced to stay up way past her usual bedtime so everyone could get enough playtime with her. But by 8pm, she looked like a zombie out of sheer exhaustion. At one point, she burst out into a cry that came out of nowhere, and I swear she was blowing up saying For the love of God - please let me sleep! When we finally got home, Emily had so much trouble sleeping. Usually when she's so exhausted, she knocks out and sleeps hard. But not this time - she couldn't stay down for the life of her. We ended up rocking her and going back and forth to her room until past 11pm! That was the first time we'd had to go to her past 8pm since she was 5 weeks old! It made me never want to take her out again!
On Saturday, a few of my friends came to visit, and I noticed that Emily was fine to be held by 2 out of the 3 of my friends. The one person Emily did not seem to like - she would cry everytime she tried to hold her. It made me wonder - can babies sense when someone is not good with babies? Can Emily feel the stiffness in her arms? Can Emily sense the lack of baby-love?
Also, another friend noticed that Emily would crane and stretch her neck to look for me since I wasn't holding her. At first I didn't believe her, but as I watched Emily throughout the afternoon, it did seem like she was looking for me.
On Sunday, my cousins came to visit, and this time - Emily seemed to cry when other people held her, but would calm down as soon as I held her.
It's made me wonder - does Emily know who I am in a crowd of people? Does she already have a little bit of stranger anxiety and want to be held by me to feel safe? On the one hand I find that so sweet. Never in my life has any baby ever wanted or requested me. It makes me feel special and loved to be her mama. But on the other hand, I am extremely worried that she will be one of those kids who cry and cry around strangers. I don't want that for Emily - I want her to be brave and independent and outgoing - to be happy to go to anyone and to be a friendly baby. How do you foster that kind of personality trait? How do you prevent stranger danger behavior?
It's been an interesting weekend. But man, am I relieved that it's Monday and we can give Emily a nice normal 5 days before the weekend chaos begins again. I hope she charges up enough routine-ness for the next 5 days so she can be ready for another jam packed weekend. Yikes!
Thursday, April 26, 2018
I don't have to like you - but I do love you
Yesterday, Emily was pretty hard. I spent 40 min in the morning rocking and shushing her to sleep STRAIGHT. By the time I left her room, I was drenched in sweat; Emily was sweaty from wherever her body was in contact with my body; and I was very out of breath from shushing for so long. This happened again in the afternoon.
During this very annoying time, I couldn't help but feel so angry with her. Why won't you sleep?! Close your eyes! Stop squirming! All of these thoughts were raging through my brain, and I couldn't help but loudly sigh exasperatedly in her face multiple times. I realized that in those moments, I really disliked Emily. It was taking all my patience to not throw her in her crib and just be like Put yourself to sleep! But how can she? She's a baby!
That night, as I reflected on the day and tried to unwind all my negativity, I felt so much guilt for being such an impatient mom and for harboring such negative thoughts about my baby. But I realized, I may dislike Emily (a lot) at times, but I will never stop loving her. She's my daughter, and I will love her unconditionally - no matter how awful she is, no matter how much she fights her naps, no matter how much she poops on me.
It made me wonder - does God ever dislike us? I know that God loves us unconditionally, and that even though we are so sinful, He still saved us - blah blah. (As you can see, I totally take this for granted!) But in all seriousness - does God ever dislike us? Being a parent really makes me understand God's heart. We are His children, so of course He loves us unconditionally. But does He ever look down and watch us do stupid things and really dislike us? Does He ever want to just throw His hands up in the air and say - EUGH, do what you want. I bet the answer is no. But still - it's an interesting thought.
If Emily were older and was cognizant of how much heartache she was causing us, I would hope that she would stop doing it. But do we have that same kind of desire not to hurt our Father's heart? I think not. It kind of made me ashamed of my own christian behavior lately.
I hope and pray that I will grow in my patience for Emily and find her so loveable even when she is so dislikeable. And I hope and pray that I will be a better daughter to my heavenly Father because I'm not a baby! I can control how much heartache I can cause.
Alright -- back to Emily's room for another cardio workout of putting her to sleep!
During this very annoying time, I couldn't help but feel so angry with her. Why won't you sleep?! Close your eyes! Stop squirming! All of these thoughts were raging through my brain, and I couldn't help but loudly sigh exasperatedly in her face multiple times. I realized that in those moments, I really disliked Emily. It was taking all my patience to not throw her in her crib and just be like Put yourself to sleep! But how can she? She's a baby!
That night, as I reflected on the day and tried to unwind all my negativity, I felt so much guilt for being such an impatient mom and for harboring such negative thoughts about my baby. But I realized, I may dislike Emily (a lot) at times, but I will never stop loving her. She's my daughter, and I will love her unconditionally - no matter how awful she is, no matter how much she fights her naps, no matter how much she poops on me.
It made me wonder - does God ever dislike us? I know that God loves us unconditionally, and that even though we are so sinful, He still saved us - blah blah. (As you can see, I totally take this for granted!) But in all seriousness - does God ever dislike us? Being a parent really makes me understand God's heart. We are His children, so of course He loves us unconditionally. But does He ever look down and watch us do stupid things and really dislike us? Does He ever want to just throw His hands up in the air and say - EUGH, do what you want. I bet the answer is no. But still - it's an interesting thought.
If Emily were older and was cognizant of how much heartache she was causing us, I would hope that she would stop doing it. But do we have that same kind of desire not to hurt our Father's heart? I think not. It kind of made me ashamed of my own christian behavior lately.
I hope and pray that I will grow in my patience for Emily and find her so loveable even when she is so dislikeable. And I hope and pray that I will be a better daughter to my heavenly Father because I'm not a baby! I can control how much heartache I can cause.
Alright -- back to Emily's room for another cardio workout of putting her to sleep!
Sunday, April 22, 2018
She loves me, she loves me not - Week 9 Observations
Emily turned 2 months last week, and it blows my mind how fast time is going by. Most days, I have no idea what the date is, and when people tell me it's the 20th, I am in complete shock. I can't believe 20 days had elapsed since the last time I checked in.
I always thought that everything about this time of raising Emily would stick with me like glue - and I wouldn't forget any details. But it turns out - I'm already forgetting so much! I was texting with another mom friend of mine who just had a baby a month behind us, and she was talking about how her baby sleeps for 2-3 hours at a time. And I said, "Enjoy it while it lasts! Soon, she's going to not be able to stay asleep and you'll miss those days where you could just watch netflix as you waited for her nap to end." And I realized that I totally forgot Emily used to do that - that there WAS a time when she used to be so easy. And I couldn't believe how I had forgotten that! So I've decided that I want to record my weekly observations about Emily before I start to forget them all! I can only start with this week, but it's amazing how much I've forgotten about last week already! =(
Here we go!
1. Emily has been difficult this week because she seems to not be able to stay asleep when I put her down for naps. On Wednesday, I ended up going to get her and soothing her every 15 min. By the end of the day, I was so exhausted bc I had been on my feet all day constantly rocking her, shushing her, and trying to get her to fall asleep.
On Thurs, I was still traumatized by the day before, so I decided I was just going to hold her and let her sleep. As a result, I spent the entire day sitting in Emily's dark room holding her while I just looked at my phone. I spent a total of 1 hour by myself that day (3 intervals of 20 min that I got to pee, eat, and wash pump equipment). That was a really depressing day for me.
On Friday, I tried something different, and I decided to put the boppy on top of Emily when I put her down so it would sort of feel like I was still holding her. The weight of the boppy would be like my arms and body as I held her - AND IT WORKED. Emily slept well all day and didn't need me to go and get her constantly! It was the happiest day ever!
Saturday - Emily went back to crazy and wouldn't sleep at all no matter how much we rocked her, put the boppy on her, or anything. What a crazy girl! We just can't predict what her day is gonna be like!
2. I've realized that I am no longer an interesting person. When Sy comes home at night, I have no interesting stories to tell him. In the past, I would tell him about interesting conversations I had with friends, or cool things I read on the news, etc. But now that I'm home all day with Emily - I have nothing! I don't talk to anyone. I barely get to watch any tv. I have nothing! Some mornings I get to watch Live with Kelly and Ryan - and when I recount stories to Sy about things I heard from the show - he makes fun of me that I even watch this show. And yes, it's kind of sad that I'm watching this show bc I'm not some middle aged woman eating bon bons on the couch (where did that stereotype come from??). But it's all I've got! Man, being a SAHM is kind of tough in this sense.
3. Emily has gotten really cute. She smiles more - especially in the mornings when she's gotten a good night's rest. And it makes me so happy to see her so jolly. It also makes me happy to know that I can make her laugh - that there are tangible things that I can do to actually bring a smile to her face. It's made me realize that this is why people have children - they're just so incredibly cute and irresistable!
4. Sy was able to work from home a lot for the past 2 weeks, so even though he went back to work, it wasn't so bad for me bc it wasn't 5 days straight. But this week, Sy could no longer work from home, and Wed-Fri, it was just me. And now, we're starting to notice that Emily cries hard when Sy puts her to bed. But as soon as I take her, she stops crying. We suspect that she's already gotten used to me putting her down and now she only wants me to do it. Now this has gotten me full of mixed feelings! On the one hand, it's very sweet that she wants her mom, and she feels comforted by me the most. But on the other hand, at the end of every long day of just me and her, I REALLY need a break and need Sy to handle bedtime and weekends so it doesn't feel quite so monotonous. What happened??? Has she already become clingy to me?
It's crazy how much she changes from week to week. If I don't write this down, will I completely forget it all? I hope not! I really do love and cherish all these milestones with her despite my exhaustion. Wish me luck for week 10!
I always thought that everything about this time of raising Emily would stick with me like glue - and I wouldn't forget any details. But it turns out - I'm already forgetting so much! I was texting with another mom friend of mine who just had a baby a month behind us, and she was talking about how her baby sleeps for 2-3 hours at a time. And I said, "Enjoy it while it lasts! Soon, she's going to not be able to stay asleep and you'll miss those days where you could just watch netflix as you waited for her nap to end." And I realized that I totally forgot Emily used to do that - that there WAS a time when she used to be so easy. And I couldn't believe how I had forgotten that! So I've decided that I want to record my weekly observations about Emily before I start to forget them all! I can only start with this week, but it's amazing how much I've forgotten about last week already! =(
Here we go!
1. Emily has been difficult this week because she seems to not be able to stay asleep when I put her down for naps. On Wednesday, I ended up going to get her and soothing her every 15 min. By the end of the day, I was so exhausted bc I had been on my feet all day constantly rocking her, shushing her, and trying to get her to fall asleep.
On Thurs, I was still traumatized by the day before, so I decided I was just going to hold her and let her sleep. As a result, I spent the entire day sitting in Emily's dark room holding her while I just looked at my phone. I spent a total of 1 hour by myself that day (3 intervals of 20 min that I got to pee, eat, and wash pump equipment). That was a really depressing day for me.
On Friday, I tried something different, and I decided to put the boppy on top of Emily when I put her down so it would sort of feel like I was still holding her. The weight of the boppy would be like my arms and body as I held her - AND IT WORKED. Emily slept well all day and didn't need me to go and get her constantly! It was the happiest day ever!
Saturday - Emily went back to crazy and wouldn't sleep at all no matter how much we rocked her, put the boppy on her, or anything. What a crazy girl! We just can't predict what her day is gonna be like!
2. I've realized that I am no longer an interesting person. When Sy comes home at night, I have no interesting stories to tell him. In the past, I would tell him about interesting conversations I had with friends, or cool things I read on the news, etc. But now that I'm home all day with Emily - I have nothing! I don't talk to anyone. I barely get to watch any tv. I have nothing! Some mornings I get to watch Live with Kelly and Ryan - and when I recount stories to Sy about things I heard from the show - he makes fun of me that I even watch this show. And yes, it's kind of sad that I'm watching this show bc I'm not some middle aged woman eating bon bons on the couch (where did that stereotype come from??). But it's all I've got! Man, being a SAHM is kind of tough in this sense.
3. Emily has gotten really cute. She smiles more - especially in the mornings when she's gotten a good night's rest. And it makes me so happy to see her so jolly. It also makes me happy to know that I can make her laugh - that there are tangible things that I can do to actually bring a smile to her face. It's made me realize that this is why people have children - they're just so incredibly cute and irresistable!
4. Sy was able to work from home a lot for the past 2 weeks, so even though he went back to work, it wasn't so bad for me bc it wasn't 5 days straight. But this week, Sy could no longer work from home, and Wed-Fri, it was just me. And now, we're starting to notice that Emily cries hard when Sy puts her to bed. But as soon as I take her, she stops crying. We suspect that she's already gotten used to me putting her down and now she only wants me to do it. Now this has gotten me full of mixed feelings! On the one hand, it's very sweet that she wants her mom, and she feels comforted by me the most. But on the other hand, at the end of every long day of just me and her, I REALLY need a break and need Sy to handle bedtime and weekends so it doesn't feel quite so monotonous. What happened??? Has she already become clingy to me?
It's crazy how much she changes from week to week. If I don't write this down, will I completely forget it all? I hope not! I really do love and cherish all these milestones with her despite my exhaustion. Wish me luck for week 10!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)