PTL!

i just got off the phone with my mom, and she told me about how she and some of her church members went to serve at a homeless shelter in paterson, nj.

now, if you don't know, paterson, nj is pretty ghetto. and when she told me she went to paterson, my mouth dropped bc my mom is not the kind of person to go anywhere that is unsafe.

so i asked her all about it bc i was really surprised that she did this. and she told me that she cooked food and served it to the people who came to the shelter. i asked her, "umma, how did you like it?" and she said that it was a little scary but overall, she said she felt really good inside.

she said that people kept saying, "thank you mami!" and she said that she felt so appreciated by their words. and of course, my mom being my mom, touted her own horn, and said how people raved about the awesome salad she made, and the perfectly cooked rice. hahaha. oh my mom. =)

but at the end of the conversation, i said, "umma, i'm really proud of you for doing this." and she said this to me:

"yeah, i felt so good inside to help these people, and the people were so happy, and thank God."

i felt really warm inside to watch my mom grow a little more in her walk of faith, and to see that God is moving in her life.

PTL indeed. amen! =D

regret

about 2 months ago, i noticed that there was a young-ish homeless girl who sat on the sidewalk near my office. the first time i passed her by, my heart broke for her. i couldn't help but think about how young she was, and how when i was her age, i was in such a different place than she was. i wanted to talk to her, see if i could help her, but i got scared. a million thoughts ran through my head - what do i say? do i ask for her name? do i tell her mine? do i tell her about Jesus right now? what if she asks me why this happened to her? what do i tell her?

so, i kept walking.

2 days later, she was back again. my heart broke again, and i thought for sure, i should talk to her. but again, the doubting questions attacked, and i walked passed her again. but i promised myself that the next time, i would definitely talk to her - no matter what.

and then i didn't see her again for nearly a month. =(

and then, 2 weeks ago, she was back. and my heart leaped! my chance was back, and God had opened this door again. but silly me, i walked passed her again. thankfully, God tugged on my heart, and turned me around. so i knelt beside her and began to talk to her.

i asked her how she was doing, where she was staying, gave her some money, and asked her if she needed help finding a place to sleep. i told her that i knew of a place called covenant house, and that maybe she could go there. but neither of us knew where it was. so i promised her that tomorrow, i'd bring her all the information, just make sure to come back around 6pm, and i'll be here. so she promised she'd be back to talk to me tomorrow. and i walked away.

i was kicking myself the whole commute home. why did i not pray for her? why did i not ask her her name? why did i not tell her that Jesus loved her? what was i so darn afraid of??? sigh.

the next day, i left my office at 6pm, armed with all the info for CH and some healthy snacks for her to eat. but she wasn't there.

i've been carrying this stuff in my purse now for 2 weeks, hoping she'll come back again.

i feel so much regret for not being more bold, for not having the courage to pray for her, for not showing her more love when i had the chance. i'm so disappointed in myself. =(

i really pray that God will open this door one more time. i promise, i will do it right next time.