Last week was a tough week. Emily started getting really fussy with her eating. She would arch her back and squeal/loudly as if she were trying to get away from me. Every feeding time became so difficult for her to get her usual 4 ounces in. She even started to regress in her sleeping. She had been consistently waking up around 6:45 - 7am. and then all of a sudden, she had begun waking up at 1:30am, 3:30am, 5am again. It was very strange.
I was googling like crazy trying to figure out what it could be. I finally narrowed it down to teething or acid reflux. I didn't know what to do because I was so worried about her, so I finally called her pediatrician. In the hours that I waited for him to return my call, the description for acid reflux haunted me. It said she could be cranky bc every time she ate, it felt like burning for her. And when I thought about Emily feeling burning sensations, I got SO SAD. I started to cry thinking about how much she might be suffering and I was helpless to do anything to make it better for it.
The doctor finally did call us back and thought maybe she might have a mild case of acid reflux. But after showing a video of Emily to my SIL, she confirmed that Emily is teething. She may not have her teeth erupt any time soon, but the way she keeps on rubbing her tongue against her gums, and the way she keeps sucking on her lip confirms that her teeth are bothering her to some degree. It makes me sad that she is still going through some discomfort. But I feel much better knowing it's not something as bad as acid reflux.
Feeding times are tough now bc of her discomfort, but at least she's eating. She's been eating a lot in the mornings - like 5-6 ounces. I can't believe she's growing so fast.
We went on our first family vacation this weekend for memorial day. We went on a trip to the Hamptons with some friends. I was pretty nervous about going bc Emily is so young and I wasn't sure how she'd handle so much change to her environment and routine. But Emily did great as usual! She rarely cried the whole weekend, slept fairly well despite not having her usual dark room, and handled being held by lots of different people as well. I hope that this is all slowly teaching her to be good around people and not to be just close to me and sy.
Personally, it was very interesting to go on a "vacation" for the first time with a child. It's really not a vacation. We still basically had to do our usual routine - just from another location. I still had to pump every 3 hours, I still had to wash pump parts all day, and I still had to care for Emily. When Sy and I wanted to use the pool, we had to take turns so that one person could watch Emily. Life is so different when you have a child. We wanted so badly to stay up late and hang out with friends - but it was so unwise considering we knew Emily could wake up at 530am again. We wanted desperately to sleep in a little - but of course we couldn't. Emily would wake up and need us to feed her. We still had to eat all our meals rushed so that one person could eat while the other watched Emily and then switch. I imagine it'll get easier when Emily is older and a little more self-sufficient. But man, it's eye opening how much changes when you have a child. Our vacations will never be the same anymore. They will always revolve around her. It makes me really thankful that Sy and I went on a lot of trips when we were dating and married. We'll never have those opportunities again until Emily is much older. I'm thankful that we lived life fully before Emily and now we can have no regrets and just be content with this stage of life. It was definitely a different kind of vacation experience - but we love her so much that it doesn't matter too much to us. Despite our exhaustion, her little smile melts away all our tiredness.
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
Wednesday, May 23, 2018
100 Days Old! - Week 13 Observations
This week was Emily's 100th day celebration! It was a busy week for me as I prepped for her big day to celebrate with our 2 families. I spent the week designing Emily's baekil table, and figuring out all the things we needed to buy. I wanted to make her baekil celebration look really special! She's my firstborn child, and I want her to look back on these pictures later on and know that her mom cared to make it wonderful for her.
On Sat and Sunday, Sy and I took turns going out to run errands for her party all day and night. It made me realize how life is so different when you have a baby. If this had been a normal party, Sy and I would've just spent like 3 hours doing all our errands at once. But when there's a baby involved - there's so much more planning to figure out. We can only go out if 1 of us is completely free to watch the baby - meaning I can't be pumping, or someone can't be showering. With my darn pumping schedule, I basically have to do everything in 3 hour increments. It made it all very difficult! But it got done! And it looked beautiful! And Emily made it through without any crying! Thank God! She's such a fantastic baby. We are so truly blessed.
In Korean culture, the 100 day celebration is supposed to celebrate the fact that the baby survived the most fragile time period. And if the baby can make it to 100 days, then she'll likely survive to adulthood. With today's modern medicine, making it to a 100 days isn't that hard anymore. But I do think it signifies something to the parents. WE made it. WE survived. And even though raising a baby is always going to be challenging, we survived the hardest time. I no longer feel like a newborn parent myself. I feel more experienced, wiser, and happier! We are out of the woods!
Some observations...
Emily has been rapidly developing, and it's so interesting to see how much she changes from week to week. This week, I noticed that she's starting to be able to roll over. She can turn herself completely to be on her side and just stay there while she looks at stuff!
She also recently figured out how to grab things - especially her hair. So now she's a hair-pulling little monster who scratches off her cradle cap like crazy. She looks like she has a major dandruff problem! Haha.
Interestingly, Emily has now developed a high-pitched whine/squeal. She uses it when she's tired or when she's really cranky. It's made me wonder if she's a whiny girl or if this is normal.
Emily has gone back to being difficult to put down to sleep at night. The merlin suit works great during the day, but not so much at night. I wonder how we're ever going to wean her off of it and into a regular sleep sack. And on top of that, I wonder how we're ever going to sleep train her bc it makes me so sad to hear her cry so hard.
Some days, I look at her chubby little face and wonder where our tiny newborn has gone. I still remember vividly how tiny she was and how little she used to move. Now, we have a full blown child in front of us - who has preferences and desires. She knows how to express herself. If she doesn't want to eat anymore, she will squeal and whine and push away the bottle and move her head away. She is her own person! I can't believe how fast it is all going. I'm already halfway through my maternity leave and I took an extra long one! I may be exhausted each day from taking care of her all day, but I will really miss these days when it's just us 2 - laughing and playing all day. I will miss our diaper change kisses time. I will miss her sweet smiles after she wakes up from each nap. I will miss watching her play in her play gym. For now, I am cherishing every moment even when I'm grumpy and tired. I love her so much.
On Sat and Sunday, Sy and I took turns going out to run errands for her party all day and night. It made me realize how life is so different when you have a baby. If this had been a normal party, Sy and I would've just spent like 3 hours doing all our errands at once. But when there's a baby involved - there's so much more planning to figure out. We can only go out if 1 of us is completely free to watch the baby - meaning I can't be pumping, or someone can't be showering. With my darn pumping schedule, I basically have to do everything in 3 hour increments. It made it all very difficult! But it got done! And it looked beautiful! And Emily made it through without any crying! Thank God! She's such a fantastic baby. We are so truly blessed.
In Korean culture, the 100 day celebration is supposed to celebrate the fact that the baby survived the most fragile time period. And if the baby can make it to 100 days, then she'll likely survive to adulthood. With today's modern medicine, making it to a 100 days isn't that hard anymore. But I do think it signifies something to the parents. WE made it. WE survived. And even though raising a baby is always going to be challenging, we survived the hardest time. I no longer feel like a newborn parent myself. I feel more experienced, wiser, and happier! We are out of the woods!
Some observations...
Emily has been rapidly developing, and it's so interesting to see how much she changes from week to week. This week, I noticed that she's starting to be able to roll over. She can turn herself completely to be on her side and just stay there while she looks at stuff!
She also recently figured out how to grab things - especially her hair. So now she's a hair-pulling little monster who scratches off her cradle cap like crazy. She looks like she has a major dandruff problem! Haha.
Interestingly, Emily has now developed a high-pitched whine/squeal. She uses it when she's tired or when she's really cranky. It's made me wonder if she's a whiny girl or if this is normal.
Emily has gone back to being difficult to put down to sleep at night. The merlin suit works great during the day, but not so much at night. I wonder how we're ever going to wean her off of it and into a regular sleep sack. And on top of that, I wonder how we're ever going to sleep train her bc it makes me so sad to hear her cry so hard.
Some days, I look at her chubby little face and wonder where our tiny newborn has gone. I still remember vividly how tiny she was and how little she used to move. Now, we have a full blown child in front of us - who has preferences and desires. She knows how to express herself. If she doesn't want to eat anymore, she will squeal and whine and push away the bottle and move her head away. She is her own person! I can't believe how fast it is all going. I'm already halfway through my maternity leave and I took an extra long one! I may be exhausted each day from taking care of her all day, but I will really miss these days when it's just us 2 - laughing and playing all day. I will miss our diaper change kisses time. I will miss her sweet smiles after she wakes up from each nap. I will miss watching her play in her play gym. For now, I am cherishing every moment even when I'm grumpy and tired. I love her so much.
Wednesday, May 16, 2018
Sweet Relief! - Week 12 Obvservations
Emily has had a great week! I don't know if it's truly the magic of the sleep suit, but we had a great week! Emily took good, long naps and didn't need me to go and get her constantly. I was able to do lots of things during my free time and feel somewhat normal again!
To make things even better - on Friday and Sat night - Emily slept 12 hours straight and woke up at 8am! It was crazy to see that she can sleep 12 hours. It was almost as if she turned 3 months old (on Friday) and immediately decided she wanted to be a big girl who could sleep long. We were so impressed with her!
Emily has also started to slowly grab things. She's begun hooking her favorite rattle with her index finger, and also lets it get caught in her wrist as a form of holding it. I find her little developments so cute!
It's made us truly think that Emily is a fantastic baby. She's been sleeping through the night since week 7, and we are so much more rested now. Sy and I worry that if we have a 2nd baby, he/she will be the complete opposite of Emily and will be a horrible sleeper. It's made me feel so much more thankful for Emily. There are a hundred different things that could make Emily a hard baby - she could have cholic, acid reflux, allergies, bottle aversions, anything! But she has none of these. I'm so thankful that she's such a good baby. When I think back on my pregnancy, and all the scares we encountered with her potentially having some kind of genetic disorder - I was so nervous for her birth because we would then know for sure if she had some kind of problem. But so far - she is a perfectly healthy baby with a sweet disposition and has amazing sleep abilities. I couldn't have asked for a better baby! We love you so much, Emily!
To make things even better - on Friday and Sat night - Emily slept 12 hours straight and woke up at 8am! It was crazy to see that she can sleep 12 hours. It was almost as if she turned 3 months old (on Friday) and immediately decided she wanted to be a big girl who could sleep long. We were so impressed with her!
Emily has also started to slowly grab things. She's begun hooking her favorite rattle with her index finger, and also lets it get caught in her wrist as a form of holding it. I find her little developments so cute!
It's made us truly think that Emily is a fantastic baby. She's been sleeping through the night since week 7, and we are so much more rested now. Sy and I worry that if we have a 2nd baby, he/she will be the complete opposite of Emily and will be a horrible sleeper. It's made me feel so much more thankful for Emily. There are a hundred different things that could make Emily a hard baby - she could have cholic, acid reflux, allergies, bottle aversions, anything! But she has none of these. I'm so thankful that she's such a good baby. When I think back on my pregnancy, and all the scares we encountered with her potentially having some kind of genetic disorder - I was so nervous for her birth because we would then know for sure if she had some kind of problem. But so far - she is a perfectly healthy baby with a sweet disposition and has amazing sleep abilities. I couldn't have asked for a better baby! We love you so much, Emily!
Friday, May 11, 2018
10 Things I used to do when I wasn't a mom of a newborn
As I was brushing my teeth the other day, I realized that there are so many things I don't do anymore now that I'm a mother of a newborn.
Before Emily was born, I used to...
1. Wear makeup everyday. I don't care anymore what I look like. I need the ability to rub my eyes without fear of smearing my eye make up bc I'm tired! I rub my eyes a lot!
2. Shower everyday. It's a good week if I've been able to shower every other day.
3. Wash my face. I'm ashamed to say this, but I rarely wash my face with facial cleanser now. I only wash it when I shower, and as you saw above, I don't get to shower much anymore.
4. Wear regular pants. Hahaha! It's been sweatpants everyday all day.
5. Brush my teeth twice a day. This one has actually evolved! I went from not brushing my teeth (because we were up so many times in the middle of the night and eating), to brushing once a day, and then finally twice a day. I had to really put my foot down about this bc I was getting worried that all my teeth would rot. So no matter how tired I am now, I must brush my teeth.
6. Read books. I really miss reading. But to be honest, with so little time in my day, it's probably more important that I keep up with current events so I'm not completely cut off from the world. But man, I miss reading a good book.
7. Go to the city. I realized the last time I was in the city was my last day of work. That was back in Feb! I haven't set foot outside of queens once yet. It's kind of depressing!
8. Eat at a normal pace. During the day, I eat as quickly as I can because I have no idea when Emily is going to wake up and if she's going to interrupt me. At night, you'd think I could eat at a normal pace bc Sy is home. But no - we have to eat quickly bc the slower I eat, the less time I have to relax before I sleep. I miss leisurely eating so much.
9. Sleep at midnight or beyond. For weeks now, Sy and I started sleeping at 10pm because Emily will wake up around 5am. It's the only way we can get about 6 hours of sleep. We can't even watch SNL like we used to bc it's way past our bedtime. I feel like we're an 80 year old couple.
10. Wear gym clothes for the gym. I now wear gym clothes as my regular clothes bc they're stretchy and comfy. I feel kind of dumb that I'm not working out in them, but hey - what else am I supposed to do? Buy more clothes?? No way - I gotz diapers to buy.
Life with a newborn really changes you. But is it worth it? Come on... have you seen my baby? She's the cutest! Of course she's worth it!
Before Emily was born, I used to...
1. Wear makeup everyday. I don't care anymore what I look like. I need the ability to rub my eyes without fear of smearing my eye make up bc I'm tired! I rub my eyes a lot!
2. Shower everyday. It's a good week if I've been able to shower every other day.
3. Wash my face. I'm ashamed to say this, but I rarely wash my face with facial cleanser now. I only wash it when I shower, and as you saw above, I don't get to shower much anymore.
4. Wear regular pants. Hahaha! It's been sweatpants everyday all day.
5. Brush my teeth twice a day. This one has actually evolved! I went from not brushing my teeth (because we were up so many times in the middle of the night and eating), to brushing once a day, and then finally twice a day. I had to really put my foot down about this bc I was getting worried that all my teeth would rot. So no matter how tired I am now, I must brush my teeth.
6. Read books. I really miss reading. But to be honest, with so little time in my day, it's probably more important that I keep up with current events so I'm not completely cut off from the world. But man, I miss reading a good book.
7. Go to the city. I realized the last time I was in the city was my last day of work. That was back in Feb! I haven't set foot outside of queens once yet. It's kind of depressing!
8. Eat at a normal pace. During the day, I eat as quickly as I can because I have no idea when Emily is going to wake up and if she's going to interrupt me. At night, you'd think I could eat at a normal pace bc Sy is home. But no - we have to eat quickly bc the slower I eat, the less time I have to relax before I sleep. I miss leisurely eating so much.
9. Sleep at midnight or beyond. For weeks now, Sy and I started sleeping at 10pm because Emily will wake up around 5am. It's the only way we can get about 6 hours of sleep. We can't even watch SNL like we used to bc it's way past our bedtime. I feel like we're an 80 year old couple.
10. Wear gym clothes for the gym. I now wear gym clothes as my regular clothes bc they're stretchy and comfy. I feel kind of dumb that I'm not working out in them, but hey - what else am I supposed to do? Buy more clothes?? No way - I gotz diapers to buy.
Life with a newborn really changes you. But is it worth it? Come on... have you seen my baby? She's the cutest! Of course she's worth it!
Tuesday, May 8, 2018
Self-soothing for me and for her - Week 11 Observations
This was a hard week. Emily really loves sucking on her hands, but as a result, it wakes her up. Since she was born, we've swaddled her tightly to prevent her from hitting her face and what not. But now, she's gotten pretty strong and can get her hands out and then constantly wakes herself up.
Wed was the worst - she was miserable from being so tired, and I was miserable from being so tired rocking her endlessly that we both cried hard. Emily cried a different kind of cry - it had a deep sorrowful sound to it. I cried hard and I think it surprised Emily to see her mom crying so hard with her. Sy and I realized we needed a solution fast bc this wasn't sustainable. I reached out to the Parenthood group on Facebook and got some suggestions on what to do to help her sleep better and someone recommended something called Baby Merlin's Magic Sleepsuit. We ordered it asap and it arrived on Friday.
It's been an interesting few days testing it out. Emily is able to sleep longer bc she can't really reach her hands to her face as easily. (That's amazing! Yay!) The bad part is that it's really puffy and makes her hot, and it's been a pretty hot week in the high 80s. But the good part is she looks super cute in it - like a mini astronaut in a space suit. (It's so adorable!)
As usual, we had a lot of guests over this weekend, and we realized that Emily is really sensitive to sound. We put her down for bed even though lots of people were still over, but there were 2 toddler boys around as well. When 1 of them cried hard bc he hurt himself, Emily woke up to it. When someone closed the bathroom door hard, that woke her up too. What a little sensitive baby we have! This reminds me 2 weeks ago, when Sy's dad was holding Emily, he had put his hand over her ear bc he couldn't believe how sensitive she was to sound and kept waking herself up! It was hilarious to see him do that - but interesting to see how accurate he was!
Emily is turning 3 months next week, and I'm realizing that now this means that I have to start teaching her things - things that are hard. I always told myself that until 3 months, she was too young to do things. But now, here we are. I have to start teaching her how to soothe herself to sleep. I have to sleep train her. I have to help her neck muscles more. It's scary to think about how my actions are going to affect her to become a functioning person. It's a lot of responsibility! I hope I can muster enough courage to be the mom she needs me to be. Looks like it's going to be another ice cream everyday week!
Wed was the worst - she was miserable from being so tired, and I was miserable from being so tired rocking her endlessly that we both cried hard. Emily cried a different kind of cry - it had a deep sorrowful sound to it. I cried hard and I think it surprised Emily to see her mom crying so hard with her. Sy and I realized we needed a solution fast bc this wasn't sustainable. I reached out to the Parenthood group on Facebook and got some suggestions on what to do to help her sleep better and someone recommended something called Baby Merlin's Magic Sleepsuit. We ordered it asap and it arrived on Friday.
It's been an interesting few days testing it out. Emily is able to sleep longer bc she can't really reach her hands to her face as easily. (That's amazing! Yay!) The bad part is that it's really puffy and makes her hot, and it's been a pretty hot week in the high 80s. But the good part is she looks super cute in it - like a mini astronaut in a space suit. (It's so adorable!)
As usual, we had a lot of guests over this weekend, and we realized that Emily is really sensitive to sound. We put her down for bed even though lots of people were still over, but there were 2 toddler boys around as well. When 1 of them cried hard bc he hurt himself, Emily woke up to it. When someone closed the bathroom door hard, that woke her up too. What a little sensitive baby we have! This reminds me 2 weeks ago, when Sy's dad was holding Emily, he had put his hand over her ear bc he couldn't believe how sensitive she was to sound and kept waking herself up! It was hilarious to see him do that - but interesting to see how accurate he was!
Emily is turning 3 months next week, and I'm realizing that now this means that I have to start teaching her things - things that are hard. I always told myself that until 3 months, she was too young to do things. But now, here we are. I have to start teaching her how to soothe herself to sleep. I have to sleep train her. I have to help her neck muscles more. It's scary to think about how my actions are going to affect her to become a functioning person. It's a lot of responsibility! I hope I can muster enough courage to be the mom she needs me to be. Looks like it's going to be another ice cream everyday week!
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