ba da doo --- Change in my life...

this entry will probably not be relevant to people who weren't in atc, or any other christian acappella group out there -- so i'm sorry if you're bored...

anyhoo.... my church has decided to do a special christmas acappella song, and reached out to all the former christian acappella members of our church. interestingly, we had people ranging from columbia, nyu, me from BC, duke, and maybe dartmouth (do it walter!!).

as we were standing around thinking about how we should warm up, someone was like - why don't we just all sing "change in my life." hahaha. i realized that it's true - nearly every christian acappella group on the east coast has done change in my life!

so - even though we all have different arrangements memorized, it still worked! and somehow, miraculously, i was able to recall the soprano line for change in my life - and we actually sang most of the song just by pure recollection from like 5 years ago!! it was hilarious and awesome all at the same time!

i must say - it felt sooooooo good to be singing those dum dums again. i felt a part of my soul come alive again as i remembered some of my most happiest times in life when i was in atc. i can honestly say - i can't wait to see how the song fleshes out, and i'm super excited! i feel like i'm in college again. and even as we stood around in a circle singing our notes, laughing at each other when we couldn't remember what came next, or we sang on the off beat, it was just a grand old time - just like the old days!

at our next practice, i'm bringing my pitch pipe!! ahhh! i love that thing!! =D

sighhhh--- atc - if you're reading this - i miss you guys!! =)

Baby Names!

hey everyone!

i was reading my google reader today, and someone posted this article on most popular baby names of 2009 in NYC, and i was shocked to see that mia made it to the list!!

http://gothamist.com/2009/12/02/sophia_and_jayden_oust_isabella_and.php

i couldn't believe my eyes b/c my name has never been a very popular name, and now - after 26 years of living, it has finally happened! i was pretty happy to see that i was in the top 10, b/c growing up, mia, for some reason, was hard for people to pronounce.

people seem to always first guess to say it like maya. other times, when i order food, people write my name down as mea. (and honestly, that just looks like such an ugly combination of letters!)

anyhoo, i'm glad that the name is coming back into style. but it reminded me of how i tried to change my name a lot when i was younger.

7th grade - i really wanted to be julie. i thought it was such a lovely name. it was cute, but pretty. unfortunately, i hated the pairing of julie joo. too many j's and too many ooh syllables. so i had to forego that dream pretty quickly.

9th grade - i really wanted to be christine. i thought, yeah, this name is mature sounding, but also delicate. christine joo - that doesn't have any weird alliteration, and it's got a good flow. but for some reason, all my friends couldn't imagine me as a christine. so again, had to forego that dream.

10th grade - i really wanted to be misty. hahaha. i know, i know. it's ludicrous. but hear me out - this was prior to the days of pokemon, so misty was still an unknown, non-cartoon-associated name. i loved it b/c it kept the M of my real name, and it had a mysterious quality, but also a fun, quirky side. i wanted to be known as a the girl who was mysterious, fun, but quirky! but as u can expect, misty was horribly ridiculed by my buddies, and they, fortunately, convinced me out of it.

in the end, i never ended up changing my name, and i even grew to like my name. i grew to enjoy the rarity of my name, and how i'd always be unique somehow. even if i may look and act like a lot of other asian girls - at least in name, i'd always be set apart.

so to all the mia's out there being born in 2009, welcome to my world! but it will probably be a different world for u b/c apparently most nyc babies will be named mia. haha! ur story will be opposite of mine. but hey, we're still a unique group of girls! =)

oh umma...

hi folks! long time no update! =)

over thanksgiving, i had a funny conversation with my mom and my sister. (all the men of the family had fallen asleep... typical...)

anyway, my mom was asking me about whether we fight with our respective men (me and my bf, my sister and her hubby). and of course, we agreed that we all fight. so then my mom was curious to know what we all fight about b/c she felt like she and my dad fight about the most annoying things.

so then, she got really close to us and started telling us about one of the fights they frequently had. by the way she put her face close to ours, i couldn't help but think, oh man, this must be a big one.

here's what she said loosely translated into english:

"sometimes, at night, when your dad and i are watching tv, when the show goes to commercial, he takes the remote and starts flipping channels! and most of the time, i'm okay with it, but he flips through it SOOO fast! it makes me dizzy! so then i say, honey! why can't you just leave it on the same channel? why do you have to flip so much?!" it drives me crazy!!"

my mom then looks to me and my sister for sympathy, and we burst into laughter! =D i was totally expecting some kind of big issue, and here it is - the age-old remote-control argument. hahaha! my sister and i then tried to explain to my mom about how this is a very common argument that married ppl have. it's not just her - but everyone! so many tv shows parody this common argument and that it's just comical to see her complain about it!

sigh. as i later lay in my bed thinking about that funny conversation, it made me wonder - why did my mom not know that this was such a common argument for married couples? and i realized that it's b/c my mom doesn't really have girlfriends to share this kind of stuff with. (if you're asking why, it's a long explanation regarding the inability of 1st generation korean people to be vulnerable with each other.) but anyway, it made me realize how important it is for us to have friends and especially friends who are in similar life stages as us. there are plenty of times when i feel like i'm the only person going through my struggles, and then bam, as soon as i share it, i will probably find someone who's gone through it, and can help me to know i'm not alone, and perfectly normal. we really need community and friends. no man is an island. and when we end up on an island by ourselves, hurry up and go find some friends or else you'll never survive.

man, can't believe thanksgiving has come and gone already. i feel like i was looking forward to it for so long, and now it is already past. oyy. oh well... must look forward to christmas now! =) bye now!

although we've come... to the end... of the road...

today is the last day of my experiment. it is the end of my week-long blogging.

you might be asking: why did you embark upon such an experiment?

well, back in august, i watched the movie "julie and julia," and i really related to the character julie. we were both aspiring writers who worked at jobs where we were unappreciated and unsatisfied, and felt like we could do far more in life. at the end of her year long blogging/cooking experiment, amazing things had happened to her. (and this is based on a true story!)

while i never expected huge miracles to happen after this week, i did expect to see/discover something.

so here are some things i learned in this week:

1. i have a newfound respect for writers who write columns, or anything that's pretty daily. it was hard to find new and interesting stuff to write about each night. and some days, there were moments where i'd be like, oh crap, it's getting late and i still have no idea what to write about. it would've been nice to give up and just go to sleep, but i pressed on. man, if it were my job, i'd feel a lot of pressure on a pretty daily basis, and i do not want that for myself whatsoever!

2. i was happy to find out that i hadn't completely atrophied all of my writing/creative styles as i thought i had. there was still some juice in these fingers, and writing came back pretty naturally.

3. the more often you write, the less people comment. (if this is not true of the rest of the world, i'm just gonna be sad. hahaha.) i was anticipating to develop a kind of relationship with my readers, in which we could all be discussing and commenting back and forth on topics that were written about. but it never happened. it made me wonder if ppl just started to read my blog like i was cnn or something. something to check - but not to engage in. ppl - if u have any insights, please enlighten me!

4. i actually DO have time to blog everyday. all this time, i always said i didn't have time to write entries. but when it came down to it, i could always make time, and after i did write, i always felt a sense of satisfaction that i had not only fulfilled my duty, but that i had beaten my own odds. however, i will say, on some days, i just desperately wanted to knock out and go to bed without writing. even yesterday, i had to drag myself out of my nap at 2am to go write an entry. hahaha.

well... anyway, i've thought about whether i will continue this writing streak. i think i'm gonna try to blog more frequently than i did before, but i'm not going to force myself to write everyday. too much unnecessary pressure to give myself. but this experiment has whetted my passion to write creative stuff again, and hopefully, time-willing, i will be able to dabble in it from time to time. it's good to know that while i can become rusty, i will never forget how to ride this bike. =)

hope u guys had fun during this week with me! and i hope u guys got to see what the inside of my brain is like! =)

mia vs food?

there's a tv show called "Man vs Food" that i really love. i recently discovered that i'm not the only person who loves this show. (haha. honestly, i thought i was the only one who had found this amazingly awesome show, and that the rest of the world was clueless to this gem of a show. but alas, i was wrong. turns out, a lot of ppl i know also love this show!)

anyhoo, in case you don't know the premise of this show, there's this guy named adam who goes around across the U.S. and goes to all the best places to eat in each city he goes to. at the end of the show, he goes to some restaurant that has a famous food-eating contest and tries to tackle it. (ex: eating like 12 lb omelets, or 7 gallons of ice cream in a sundae, or eating pounds of burger and pound of fries in an hour.)

whenever i watch this show, i can't help but feel like, man, adam's job is awesome!! all he does is get to eat the best food, travel and see the country, and get cheered by random strangers. how awesome does that sound?? but i do worry about adam a lot. every episode i watch, he seems to be chubbier than the last. i know for sure, he is not the same size as when he first started this show. also, he's not married. so i can't help but wonder if it's hard for him to meet women b/c of his job. he's probably never in one location long enough to woo a woman enough for her to want to be in a long distance relationship with him.

so... i thought about it more, and i wondered... would i ever be able to do adam's job? (let's just imagine that i did have the stomach prowess of adam to even be able to do the food contests he attempts.) would i be able to sacrifice my health for the sake of a job? would i be able to sacrifice my personal life for the sake of my job? i'm not sure! adam's job does not sound so appealing anymore. i can't help but feel like he's shortening his own life expectancy, and that can't be a good thing. part of the reason i quit being a teacher was b/c it had taken such a toll on my physical health, and i felt like i had lost all of my social life, and i was just a working/teaching machine.

yeah... i don't think i could do adam's job. no "Mia vs Food" show is going to happen. thanks adam for doing the dirty work for us. it's been a joy to watch this show, but i'm happy to just be drooling on my couch, and not having to deal with the heartburn myself. =)

cell phones - can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em

sorry guys, but i almost forgot to blog tonight. but no worries, i'm here now. =)

tonight, at large group, as part of the ice breaker, they posed the question: if there was a fire, what 3 things would you grab? cell phone was a pretty common answer i heard.

do u remember back in the day when no one had cell phones? man, i remember all the times when my sister and i would yell at each other at the top of our lungs fighting over the phone. when anyone tried to call in for me while she was on the phone, she ignored that beep. i bet kids these days don't fight about THAT anymore. they can just talk on their cell phones in their own rooms b/c no one is tying up the phone line.

it's weird how cell phones have changed our lives. i remember back in 2004, when i got hit by a car, i didn't have a cell phone, and someone in the street had to lend me their phone so i could call my family. luckily, i had my sister's work number memorized. but man, if i were to get hit by a car today, i'd have a pretty hard time remembering what my parents' cell phone number was. we've become a society that is so dependent on our phones that it's scary to think about what we'd be like if we didn't have them.

remember in the past, if u didn't carry a camera around, u missed opportunities to capture things on film. but now, just whip out your phone, and take a picture.

remember doing the whole collect-call trick where you yell at your mom to pick u up before they actually charge u? now we have hundreds of minutes on our plans to not have to worry about those kinds of fees.

but then again, isn't it scary how kids these days can text faster than they can type on a full size keyboard?

and isn't it scary how 1 cell phone hack can ruin a person's life?

it's so weird... the more i think about it, the more i feel like cell phones are kind of like those scary theories about how robots/machines will one day turn against us and enslave us all. while on the one hand, cell phones are so useful and make our lives easier, on the other hand, it changes society in crazy ways. man, what a trip...


sorry... just in a weird thought cloud tonight... goodnight!

to shower or not to shower

tonight, i fell asleep on my bed as i was surfing facebook. but then, an hour later, i woke up - i woke up to the anxious knot in my stomach b/c my body was saying, "stop sleeping mia. you have unfinished business. now get up and shower before you sleep!"

ah, the age old debate - what's better? to shower at night or in the morning? my whole life, i was a morning showerer. i felt like it wasn't morning unless i showered. i couldn't truly wake up unless i showered. i thought, ah, nice and clean for a new day.

but then, when i was a teacher, my mom asked me why i showered in the morning. she said that i could get more sleep in the morning if i showered at night b/c then all i'd have to do in the morning was just wake up, do my morning routine, and go to work. no need to shower, dry off, etc - and add a good 20-30min of glorious sleep.

after i tested it out, i discovered that showering at night had a lot of benefits!
1. i really did get extra sleep in the morning.
2. i woke up with awesomely voluminous hair! (ooh la la, hair model!)
3. i felt like i had washed the day's germs off me, and now my bed was a clean sanctuary to sleep in.

u know, i had never realized how gross it was to not shower at night - and what it meant for your bed. i think most ppl are like me, and like to lean their heads on the subway walls if you're sitting down. and if u really think about it, when u lean your head on the wall, a good dozen other people have probably done the same thing. what if they all didn't shower? then all their dirty hair germs are now on MY head!! what if the guy who sneezed next to me got some tiny water droplets on my arm? if i don't shower, then i'm just bringing his sneeze into my bed!!

the more i thought about it, the more horrified i got. therefore, i've now become a big proponent of night showering. i think it just makes good sense to wash the day off you, and to enter into a bed that has only been occupied by your clean body night after night.

but, i will say this - night showering is annoying. sometimes, man, all u want to do is just crawl into bed. i had such a long, draining day today, and i wanted nothing more than to just snuggle up in my blanket and sleep away the fatigue. but like i said at the start of this entry, my body knew that it was just gross for me to sleep like this, and nagged me into awakeness. stupid body of mine - just let me sleep!!

oh well. at least the shower woke me up enough to write this blog entry. =)

sporty spice?

i recently was chatting with a friend about how he wanted to have a gf who was sporty. in my head, i couldn't help but think -- eugh, typical. but in reality, i think i only feel that way b/c i'm so athletically challenged. i can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy when i see other girls who can hold their own in a game of whiffle ball or flag football. but u know, i wasn't always this way.

when i was in elementary school, i was the fastest girl in the 2nd grade! i could out-run all the girls, and i even almost beat the fastest boy in the 2nd grade! from 3rd - 5th grades, i was in gymnastics and performed in the annual gymnastics show. i did roundoffs, back bends, floor routines, everything! i was pretty darn good!

but then, something happened once i hit puberty. it's like adolescence replaced my pseudo-athleticism with jello for arms and stumps for legs. my god, to this day, when i think about that stupid yearly rope-climb. *shudder* that was the bane of my existence!! who can climb a rope with nothing but your arms to get you up there?? that's just mean! >=(

and so, i learned to replace my lack of sports ability with what i COULD do well - be a nerd and sing.

i often ask myself a lot now - would i rather have a child who was a musical prodigy or a superstar athlete? personally, i choose musical prodigy. i think it's such a useful talent to have. you're not limited to seasons/weather; you can entertain large crowds; you can use it to woo a love interest; and u generally don't need a whole team to make you shine amidst them. it's just more efficient! haha.

but, i will say, i still wish i was a little more athletic AND still sing. i'd love to be able to not be picked last for a team. i'd like to be the one to shoot the winning basket, score a touchdown, bowl a strike! oh well, i guess i'll just have to settle for singing the anthem. hahaha. =)

so readers - would you rather be a superstar athlete or a musical prodigy?

Hannukah - what an ingenious idea!

so a couple of weeks ago, walter found me this great deal on slickdeals to buy 10 victoria's secret panties for only $25! that is a huge deal compared to the usual 5 for $25 crap they try to feed us. but anyway, as i browsed the site and put things into my shopping cart, i discovered that some of the panties i ordered were backordered and wouldn't be shipped until later.

at first, i was kinda bummed out. i wanted to get all 10 panties at once and not piece-meal. but in the end, i decided it was better to have 10 panties i really like at a slower rate, rather than 10 mediocre panties at a fast rate.

but i must say - it has changed my perspective! every few days now, i receive a new package from victoria's secret holding 1 or 2 panties in each bag! and honestly, it feels like hannukah! (granted, i've never celebrated hannukah, but this is how i imagine it would be!) what an ingenius idea! RECEIVING PRESENTS -- ELONGATED!!! who doesn't love receiving presents? and if u can get them every few days? isn't that soooo much fun?? =D

now, every time i see that beautiful email so eloquently titled "shipment confirmation" light up in my inbox, i get filled with joy! it means another package is coming! another goodie full of happiness is "confirmed" to "ship" to my attention! how amazing!!

u know, my love language is gift giving, and personally, i like receiving gifts too. sadly tho, growing up in a poor family, i rarely received presents. (christmas, birthdays, graduations - nada) so i never really got to enjoy my own love language. but u know, buying these panties, and receiving them one by one in the mail, has been such a huge joy and blessing for me. it gives me something to look forward to, and hope of knowing that another joy is on its way. what an awesome way to perceive life, no?

i received 2 more today. i only have 3 more panties left to be shipped. thank goodness walter bought me a random gift and i have that to look forward to as well. haha. this reminds of me of how my roommates think i'm crazy for getting so many catalogs in the mail. honestly - i like receiving mail! why? it makes me feel special! hey - a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to bring a little fun into her life.

so, in conclusion, i really encourage you guys to not lump all of your joy into one big bundle. it's so much more fun and literally life-changing when you enjoy small gifts in your daily life. it truly feels like christmas every day! =D

nap time

man, i almost failed my own experiment.

after walter and i stuffed ourselves silly with homemade kalbi (made by my mom, but perfectly fried by me! haha, i need to give myself SOME credit!) i started feeling super drowsy. walter started watching monday night football, and i began to fall asleep all snuggly in my blanket on the couch.

man... i forgot how much i love naps. i'm a pretty disciplined girl, and i don't allow myself to nap b/c it throws off my sleep schedule, but tonight, as i napped quietly and unplanned, i remembered the gloriousness of letting fatigue and relaxation take over.

remember when naps used to be a part of life? haha. i remember in college, naps were just scheduled into my daily itinerary. wake up at 10am to go to class. go to class, eat lunch with friends, come back to my dorm to take a little nap, wake up, get some dinner, go to practice, study at the library, do more hw/hang out with friends til 3am, then go to bed. without those naps, i'd never be able to stay up late to write papers and have girltalk to all hours of the night. ahh, i miss those days.

u know, in kindergarten, i was never able to fall asleep during naptime. i would just lay there on my mat jealously listening to the sleep sounds of all the other kids. finally, just when i'd start to get a little drowsy, nap time would be over, and i'd have to fold up my mat and get back to regular time. man, we had it good back then. then again, isn't that what europe does? universal siesta time?

haha. i dunno, i think i'm just too tired to write a coherent blog tonight. i almost just went to bed without blogging, but i forced myself to write at least something. sorry if you were terribly bored. =) i guess i learned a little bit about myself tonight through my unexpected nap. i never let myself get loose, or rather, i rarely let myself not be put together. and honestly, it's exhausting! but tonight, when i let go of my self-control, i felt the freedom of sleep, and the light yolk of not bearing my "perfect" self on my shoulders. it felt good - relief - to unbutton the stuffy collar shirt of life, and wear the loose, comfy t-shirt of indulgence.

goodnight world! it's time for bed for this little one! =)

a new experiment

just for this week, i am going to try out an experiment. i would like to see if i can write an entry every single day of this week. why? i'm not sure why... just felt compelled to. i haven't flexed my blog writing muscles in a while, and i'm hoping they haven't atrophied. despite my busy schedule, and how i'm always pooped, i'm gonna try to see what happens if i do blog everyday. will it be life changing? maybe. will i have fun? quite possibly. will i fail? hopefully not. but still, i'm gonna try. =) i hope you guys stick it through with me too! (and maybe root for me while you're at it?)

so anyhoo, today, after church, i had to go home to nj to celebrate my brother-in-law's birthday. for some reason, my dad was in a really lecture-y mood and couldn't stop telling everyone how to improve their lives.

my lecture was about how i don't eat enough fruit. now, i grew up eating fruit everyday. every night, at like 10pm, my parents would call me down to the living room to eat some fruit with them, and then i'd either go back to what i was doing, or go to bed. but once i started living on my own, i stopped eating fruit everyday. it was weird to not have fruit served to me on a daily basis - just ready to eat on a plate. if my mom or someone else didn't do it, then i would not eat any fruit!

i'm ashamed to admit why... but here goes: I CAN'T CUT FRUIT. (i.e. apples, peaches, cantaloupe, etc.- all non-pop-it-in-your-mouth fruit)

i'm terrible with a knife. i'm just terrified of accidentally cutting off my thumb, or sliding across the skin of the fruit and serrating my top layer of skin, or even getting my own blood on the fruit.

i've tried to practice getting better at this. but sadly, all my apples turn brown (from time), warm (from my hands AND time), and salty (from my hands). hahaha. sorry if i just made u vomit.

but yeah, i don't really eat fruit anymore b/c it's so much labor and time to actually cut up the fruit, and i'm allergic to most fruit skins, so i have to cut it off - which i don't have the patience to do. thus - no fruit for mia.

i truly fear the day when i am engaged or married, and my mother-in-law is going to scrutinize my fruit cutting techniques, or worse, think i'm a terrible wife b/c i won't be able to cut my husband beautifully shaped fruit. ahhh! what to do?

my dad made me promise to eat more fruit from now on. i guess i'll try again, and i'll try to work on my fruit cutting skills. but man, i have to tell u, it really makes me sad when boys are better at cutting fruit than i am. it just puts me to shame.

check out these apples walter once cut for me in the shape of rabbits. man... that is talent.




Question to my audience:
ladies! how did you learn to cut fruit? please help a poor, pathetic girl out!
guys! do you really care if your woman can cut fruit nicely?
everyone! how do you get yourself to eat more fruit on a daily basis?

oyy, i bought 3 fuji apples like 3 weeks ago. i hope to try to eat them all this week. i'll keep you updated! =D

being a bad girl...

so, over my vacation, one of the things that really sticks out in my head as memorable, was when walter and i watched a movie on sat, and then snuck into another movie afterwards.

i gotta tell ya - it was THRILLING. i was sooooo nervous the whole time we were trying to sneak in. at first, the escalator going from the floor we were on, to go see "the goods, live hard and sell hard" was blocked off with one of those elastic lines. i thought, "oh man, we're never gonna get through this." but then, walter and i just went up to the teenager taking tickets and asked if we could go to the bathroom. i went to the bathroom to complete our lie, and when i exited the bathroom, there was walter, hiding behind the doorway!

we snuck into the auditorium, and put our stuff down. for the entire 15 min we had to wait for the previews to begin, i couldn't stop staring at all the entrances to see if that teenager would wonder why i never came back from the bathroom. what if he came looking for me? what would i say? i could show him my ticket stub, but that said, "julie and julia," NOT "the goods."

when the lights finally dimmed, and the previews began, i felt so victorious! like i had just performed something straight out of ocean's 11. haha. it was pretty awesome! and then, bc the movie was so bad, i was so glad that we didn't pay for it!

afterwards, i asked walter if he felt nervous at all throughout our whole "mission impossible," and he said no. and i wondered why i was so enthralled by it. and i realized that it's bc i've always been a "good girl" my whole life, that i've never really experienced what it's like to be bad.

i've always been the girl who played by the rules. i didn't cheat, i didn't copy my friends' homework, i didn't drink in college, i never tried any drugs. i've only been drunk once in my life- and i think it was tipsy at best.

i gotta tell ya - it felt pretty good to be bad. there's something so blood-rushing about trying not to get caught, and trying to get away with something that you don't deserve. it's like i put on a costume of a different mia, who did wild and crazy things. for once, i was not vanilla - i was phish food.

so i started thinking, how can i make my life this exciting all the time? i don't want to keep doing illegal things, and i generally am not a risk-taker. but u know, through this whole thing, i think what i can take away is that i need to just try new things.

over my vacation, i DID do a lot of new things.

1. i had my first hot stone massage - which btw, the stones are really hot! haha.
2. i tried my first egg sandwich on a croissant, and absolutely LOVED it. it was like paradise in my mouth!! i don't know why i was so nervous to try eating eggs on a croissant!
3, i tried a greek chicken souvlaki for the first time, and it wasn't bad!
4. walter and i walked across the brooklyn bridge for the first time, and it was beautiful and fun.

but alas, on my vacation, i also did NOT do some new things. i went to the beach, but was too scared to try to jump the waves, and now i regret it. i wish i had tried it.

in closing, i encourage u guys to try to do something new as often as u can. at the end of my life, i want lots of memories and not monotony. =)

risky business

so i'm just gonna be vulnerable.

a couple of weeks ago, the sermon at church was about how we need to pray "risky prayers." the pastor talked about how so often, we pray these safe prayers of just, "Lord, please be with her... etc" that we never pray the big, risky prayers that believe in how powerful and mighty our God is. the pastor encouraged us to pray things like, "Lord, let the cancer be gone tomorrow!"

so i did what he said. i prayed a really risky prayer. i prayed for something that i desperately need/want to happen, and gave God a very specific timeline to make it happen within. and honestly, for a few weeks, i had a definite peace in my heart with the full faith of knowing it was going to happen.

my heart had begun to feel lighter, my spirit was high, and i felt optimistic for the first time in a while.

this past week was supposed to be when it all happened.

and it didn't. nothing i prayed for came to fruition.

and now i'm left confused. what does this mean? i don't doubt for a second that God is not powerful enough to make it happen. and i understand the whole "God's timing vs our timing" philosophy. but what confuses is me is how the risky prayer plays into all of this. what's the point of praying the risky prayer if God is going to do what He wants on His time anyway? i understand the importance of prayer in general, but i'm starting to wonder if risky prayer is just one big disappointment.

bc that's how i felt sunday night. as the week came to a close, and a new week began, i felt the world back on my shoulders, my spirit was low, and i was a sad girl again.

oddly, the same pastor who preached about this risky prayer sermon, came back this sunday. and i felt like this was my chance to ask him what happened, what went wrong. in the end, he gave me the answer i expected to hear - it wasn't what God wanted for me. i wanted to punch him for getting my hopes up. i wanted to tell him that he should give this sermon with a disclaimer to sign. bc u know what? people like me found hope in it - and now i'm just let down.

ultimately, i am trusting God that He hears my prayers, and He feels his daughter's tears everytime another one rolls down my cheeks and falls onto the floor as i pray. but i have to admit... i feel a little let down.

u know the line from that praise song, "where a little faith's enough - to see mountains lift and move"? it always gets me. i always cry when i sing that one phrase bc it's so hopeful - so encouraging to someone who feels so hopeless. and yet - this time - i couldn't help but wonder if my little faith wasn't able to lift and move this mountain.

if i were a dog...

you know, every time i go to any store, and i walk down the pet aisle, i always see this dog, and i can't help but think to myself - if i were to come back in life as a dog, i think i would be this dog.

doesn't he look like a very mia-dog? haha. =)





if you were a dog, which one do YOU think you'd be? =)

blogging is not a popularity contest

i haven't blogged since april, and i know exactly why - i felt like i didn't have anything interesting/funny to write about. sadly, my soul was aching to write, but i was afraid of not being entertaining enough.

i realized that this is a silly way to think. blogging shouldn't be about how many comments i can accrue - it should just be the overflow of my thoughts to record my life. if you happen to like what i write, then great! but if not, then that's cool too. so from now on, i am going to write - just write - for myself - and not for being the most well-read blog there is. here comes the vulnerability...

i am currently looking for a new job. while i love the magazines i work for, working under my bosses has become pretty unbearable. i've been thinking a lot about jobs/careers and the whole shabang. we spend so much of our lives pursuing our dreams, and then we get close to it, we start wondering what else is out there.

i used to say that i didn't care about salaries - just as long as i could be happy at what i do, that's what matters. but as i struggle daily with envy, looking around at the people with fat paychecks, with the luxury apts, with the fancy dinners out, i wonder - what's more important to me? apparently, i DO care about the materialistic things of this world.

and so now, as i drown in despair at my job, i realize that there's nothing more important than working with good people. i wouldn't mind working anywhere so long as i am treated with respect. my self-esteem, my perception of who i really am has been chipped away by the words of my bosses. it's taking everything in me to believe that God is the only one who can judge me, and that no one else's opinion of me can define who i am, or what i'm worth. but man- it can really do a number on you.

i don't mean to bum you guys out, but i hope that maybe, months from now, i can reread my entries and be able to say, look at how far God has brought me!

in the meantime, i cling to the hope that our God is bigger than i imagine Him to be, and way more powerful than i can ever hope Him to be - bc i seriously need a miracle to find a new job in this economy.

"i called, You answered. and You came to my rescue and i wanna be where You are."

thoughts on twilight

so, i've been feverishly reading the Twilight saga for the past few weeks now. I openly admit, it's crazy good. *swoon*

but there are some things that i think are necessary to address.

yes, Edward is the most romantic guy/vampire you'll ever read about. his words will have u melting, and his actions will leave begging him to never leave.

but Edward is NOT REAL. he's the epitome of what every girl hopes and wishes for her man to be, but we all know that no such guy exists. a normal guy doesn't spend his every minute protecting u, loving u, and staring at u with passionate eyes. it DOES happen occasionally, or more frequently for some more-romantic guys. but in general, Edward's feelings/actions are NOT realistic.

real guys do love you with a passion, but they also have regular lives with other interests to keep them from being obsessed.

so u may ask, why do i read it then? if i know it's not real, then why waste my time?

well - it's just like movies. most movies are not realistic, but there's something about ESCAPING from your reality and slipping into an imaginary world that's either better than yours, or just different that makes it so much more exciting.

why are chick flicks so successful? b/c women crave this lavish form of romance. and since we're not gonna get it in real life, we may as well live vicariously through the heroines.

i liken edward to a bucket of amazing fried chicken. it's soooooooooo good to eat. tastes so good, makes ur mouth water, and u feel so elated with every bite u take. but u have to push aside your practical thoughts of "this is not healthy for u, no food can taste this good and be good for u."

but u know what? a little indulgence here and there is more than fine! indulging in beautiful love, well, i'll take that any day. just don't become addicted to it, b/c then that's just bad. (like ppl who do drugs all the time b/c they can't stand to be in the real world.)

it's okay to indulge a little, just don't go nuts. =)

that girl who dumped her boyfriend on FML.com is so dumb. she doesn't understand this truth. Edward isn't real! but he sure is nice to read about!

okay... that's all. i like Edward as a character, but i love walter as a real person, as my bf. (sorry if u just threw up in ur mouth!)

these days, i feel a strong desire to sing again. the thing is, i hate being such a useless singer. my piano skills are so poor and i can only play 5 chords on the guitar. but even with those 5 chords, i don't have very good strumming skills. hence, anytime i want to actually perform, i need to find someone who will accompany me. then, i'm just a big burden to that person.

i feel like i wanna get good at one of them - guitar or keyboard. but how does one do that??

Issues:
guitar: my fingers are too small to hold down an entire fret and still push down other strings. and plus, i don't have a lot of time to learn the guitar...

piano: for some reason, i can't seem to get myself to play background chords in a manner that makes singing come easily.

for a while, i considered getting a travel guitar b/c it's smaller, and more mia-sized. haha. should i??


in the meantime, my keyboard continues to gather dust under my bed, while my singing voice atrophies. ahh, what to do??

anyone out there who'd be willing to give me guitar or keyboard lessons? i'll pay you by singing for you as i practice? =)

it's been a while since i last blogged. why? b/c i'm a busy woman! =P

anyhoo... i was reading Women's Health (which i also work for now...) and they said that people with similar personalities use the same chapstick flavor. they say that ur personality and sense of smell develop at the same time, which is why ppl with similar personalities have similar sense of smell.

so here are the meanings behind the chapstick flavors:

melon - the life of the party, you crave novelty.
berry - driven, a natural born leader, charming
raspberry - intelligent, success-oriented, and comfortable in any social situation
cherry - hardworking and conscientious; a perfectionist
tropical - adventurous and nonconforming; loved by many
strawberry-banana - reserved, logical, and intuitive. a team player.

i'm cherry, and that is spot on with my personality. hahaha.

what are YOU?? =)

btw, i only use softlips. they're the best!

Facebook Requests from work people -- eek!

i've been hoping this day wouldn't happen for months now --- i've been facebook friend requested by work people!! =O

i dunno, but for some reason, i am very wary and nervous about letting my work people see my fb profile. i mean, for obvious reasons, i'd like to keep my pictures private from people who are not my good friends. plus, i like to keep my work life and private life separated. i don't think work ppl need to know that i went bowling with my friends and see all my sad faces of getting 2 pins down.

but there are 2 main things i'm worried about:

1. what will they think when they see that all my friends are asian?

when i was in college, i had absolutely no problem with having only asian friends. i mean, what's the big deal? my friends didn't care (probably b/c they WERE asian, haha), so why should i? but then, when i started working as a real adult, in the real world, i realized that i felt uncomfortable being around large groups of non-asian people. it wasn't so bad when i was a teacher, simply b/c i was alone in my classroom and not really interacting with the other teachers. but here, in office world, it's like, i have to talk to people all the time! i always feel like i have to be "office mia" when i'm at work, and then when i'm finally around my friends, i can take the mask off.

but what will i do now? will they judge me that i'm a bigot? or that i'm racist? will they think it's weird that i only have asian friends? although technically, maybe they only have friends of their race. haha. i guess it's just more prominent when u have all asian friends.

2. i don't really like it when ppl find out that i can sing. this is how the conversation usually goes:

stalker: wow mia! i had no idea you could sing!
me: yeahh... i used to sing a little in college
stalker: can u sing something right now?
me: uhhhh.... no thanks!
stalker: come onnnnn. just sing like one song. anything u want.
me: ummm... i'd rather not...
stalker: why not? if i could sing like that, i'd sing all the time!
me: yeahhhhh... i dunno.

and then i proceed to somehow run away. =\

u guys may think this is funny, but i find it really awkward. i'm not a human jukebox! i will not sing for u whenever u ask me to! it's awkward and strange!!

but not just that, it has horrible consequences - ppl start calling on u to sing stuff at contests, office parties, when ppl can't remember how songs go, christmas parties, etc. most of the time, i just want to blend in with the crowd... and being forced to sing without any preparation is really nerve-wrecking and enormously pressureful. as a people pleaser, i don't like disappointing anyone, and hence, i don't like to sing unless i'm fully practiced to.

arghhhh... what to do about these friend requests??? =(

do you guys accept all your work friend requests?

How I got lost in Lost

okay, i admit it.

my name is mia, and i'm addicted to Lost.

u know, i can't believe it. i was so strongly against watching Lost for multiple reasons.

1. it's just too stressful!! why should i come home from a long day of work, to watch a show that makes me so stressed out that after an hour, my stomach is in knots? no way, uh uh, i was happy to stick to my non-stressful shows like the Hills, or scrubs, or Friends. but Lost, no way. too stressful!

2. i can't watch scary stuff. my imagination is too active, and things haunt me for a long time afterwards. when i was a kid, i watched arachnophobia, and to this day, i fear taking showers in case a spider comes and kills me while i'm shampooing. but no, this is not a childhood phase, a few years ago, when i watched The Passion of Christ, Satan freaked me out so bad that my best friend had to sleep over my dorm for a week! hence, i cannot watch scary stuff.

3. i felt like i was too late in joining the bandwagon for a long time, so i just gave up. it would be too hard to catch up.

but man, oh man. things have changed.

one night, while i was hanging out at walter's apt, i was working on some stuff for work on the laptop while walter was watching Lost season 2. at one point, i just kinda poked my head up to see what was going on, and immediately i got hooked. i couldn't take my eyes off the screen! what were those creepy whispery voices? who are these "others" that they keep talking about? and bam! sharon died, and i was like, what the heck happened???

from that night on, i got hooked. when walter got sick last weekend, we watched Lost all day and now we finished season 2.

i gotta tell ya... HENRY GALE IS THE CREEPIEST GUY I'VE EVER SEEN!!! i've lost sleep b/c of this guy! he creeped me out so bad that at night, i had to read books and magazines to distract my brain from hearing his voice and seeing his face every time i closed my eyes. i had nightmares that were related to Lost for a couple of days! and for the last few episodes, i just closed my eyes every time henry gale came on the screen to prevent any more nights of sleep deprivation.

man... this show is so creepy and so stressful, but i am finding that it is worth it. hahahaha. =D everything that i believed in, i have thrown out the window. look at me, i'm a mess. i'm like those druggies who need more drugs in order to feel normal again. hahaha. but i will press on. hooray for season 3!!

seriously... henry gale is such a good actor. i was never sure if he was an "other" or not. man, look at how nice and normal he looks when he's not trying to creep me out. and look at the creepy smile that creeped me out for 2 days!!



Henry Gale - you scared the crap out of me, but i applaud you for your serious brilliance.

On to season 3!!!

i joined a gym!! =O

can you believe it? the impossible has happened - i joined a gym. hahahahaha. =D

so yesterday was my first day at the gym. i've never been part of a gym in my life, and so i really felt quite out of place. man, oh man, was i in for a shock.

1. WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THE NAKED PPL?!?!?! as i was changing into my gym clothes, i looked around to see what the other women were doing - was there a changing area? do i go into a bathroom stall? NOOOO... apparently, ur just supposed to get naked with each other!! there were boobs everywhere!! and later, when i was changing to go home, the old lady next to me had no bottoms on!!! i so did NOT need to see her private areas!!! =(( so sad... and so horrified...

2. workout machines have TVs!!! i was doing the eliptical machine when i noticed that there was a tv button. lo and behold - you can watch your own little tv as u work out!! i've always seen those big tvs they have for everyone to watch, but my machine had its very own tv!! man... although, i probably shouldn't have watched what i was watching. i watched the food network while i worked out. hahahahaha. =D it's just torture!! all the food looks so good, and here i am sweating like a pig. =P

3. omgosh, after my workout, i met walter for dinner and we went to chipotle. i was so horrified to find out that a single burrito has 949 calories!!! i spent an hour at the gym sweating and huffing and puffing, all to burn like 200 calories. and i ate that amount in just chips and guac!!! the world is so unfair!! how can they make food so good, and yet so hard to lose it?! i refuse to eat just salads all the time, but man alive... it got depressing really fast. hahaha. (btw, in the end, i hated my salad, and walter traded me his burrito with my salad so i could stop looking so sad. hahaha)

4. so... at one point, as i was speed walking on the treadmill (don't judge me for not running or jogging on the treadmill!! i'm not at that level yet!!), i looked over to my right. there was a long line of people of all ages and shapes running on their treadmills. as i looked around at how we were all facing a wall or a window, running on these darn treadmills, i realized that we were all like hamsters on a hamster wheel in a cage!!! we're all running on these machines that go nowhere, and there's no end in sight, and we're all just cramped in this one, hot room. ARE WE NOT HAMSTERS?!?! =(

so with that... i leave u now. i'll be back at the gym tonight. hopefully, i will be able to stick to this workout routine since i am now losing money if i don't lose weight. hahaha or... boo hoo hoo? =\ wish me luck!!

CAUGHT A MOUSE!!!!!

so last night, while i was hanging out at walter's apt, i saw a mouse!! (he's had a mouse problem for a little while now.) when the mouse saw me, he ran into his closet.

so b/c i was sick, i stayed and rested at walter's place, while he went out to see a friend. but now, i was left alone with the mouse!! so what was i to do? i kept staring at the closet, and everytime the mouse tried to escape, i started yelling and jumping up and down "NO!! GO BACK IN THE CLOSET!! GO BACK!!" i couldn't let the mouse know that i was paralyzed with fear and trapped on walter's couch. so we played this game for about 30 min.

then finally, i noticed that Frank, that's what i named him, kept trying to escape through the corner of the closet door. so i decided that i needed to try to catch him. so, with all the courage inside me, i went into the kitchen to quickly find the other glue trap, and quickly placed it on the floor near the closet corner where he kept trying to go. when frank finally tried to escape, he went the other way!!! so again, i yelled for him to go back into the closet, and we continued our dance.

this went on for another 30 min or so. finally, i came up with a plan. i remembered when yin had a mouse problem, she lined the floor of her bedroom entryway with glue traps. therefore, there was no way out except over the glue traps!! but i couldn't do this w/o walter b/c i couldn't gather all the glue traps in the apt without leaving the closet unguarded. so i knew that once walter came home, then we could do the glue trap plan. so, it took walter like another hour to come home. frank and i continued our yelling/dance for like an hour, and then finally walter came home.

he immediately began to gather up all the glue traps and line the door of the closet. then we sat on the couch and quietly waited.

Attempt #1: frank finally came out and sniffed all the traps. the brilliant mouse that he is, must have figured out that one of the glue traps was older than the rest and had become less sticky!! so he quickly was able to run through that trap and to his freedom, but when he saw walter starting to run over to him, frank ran back into the closet. so walter rearranged the glue traps so that only the sticky ones lined the door. ahhhh... frank was finally going to be caught!!

Attempt #2: after walter and i again waited quietly, frank bravely tried to come out again. he sniffed all the traps and knew that this time, he was in trouble. we all knew that frank's only chance at freedom was to jump over the glue traps, but we all wondered, could he do it? could he make it over?

finally, he decided to make a run for it, and up he jumped into the air -- only to fall short just a little and his 2 back feet got stuck in the glue!!! hooray!!

but then, we realized that he wasn't stuck on to the glue that hard, and he could still escape!! so then walter tried to scoop him up with the swiffer to plant him firmly into the glue. BUT!! frank instead bit onto the swiffer and didn't let go for dear life!! eventually, he got a little tired and the second he let go, walter smushed down part of his body onto the glue.

so here was the tricky part... how do we dispose of him? frank was squeaking a lot - probably begging for mercy. but sucky for him, i had no mercy. he had eaten through MY bag of oreos!! there was vengeance to be paid. too bad frank!! muhahahaha.

in the end, walter put frank in a bag, and "took care of him" outside. the brave man... my hero. =D


u know, i really think it's b/c he ate my oreos that he wasn't able to make it across the glue trap. he was too chubby and heavy. ahh, gluttony and greed, that is what killed you frank. hahahahaha.

ps. i am not evil - i am a survivor!!