I was at church one Sunday, and the pastor was talking about the age-old topic of what it takes to be a christian. It was the usual speech about how we typically bargain with God - i.e. I'll go to church if you help me get this job. I'll be a better Christian if you help me get a boyfriend. I'll pray every day if you get me out of this pickle. In usual pastoral fashion, he re-framed the question to say that as Christians, we should be saying the opposite - I'll go to church even if I don't get this job. I'll be a better Christian even if I am single forever. I'll pray every day even if I never get out of this pickle. To be honest, this didn't have much impact on me bc I've heard this sermon hundreds of times before. I know the answer between the "even" and the "even if" scenarios.
But something changed. I looked over at Sy sitting next to me, and I thought about our marriage. Could I apply these questions to him? I thought about our early days of dating, and how those "if" questions had been so important. I'll go on a date with him if he asks me out. I'll say I love you if he says it first. I'll marry him if I feel like he's got all the characteristics I want in a husband. Everything was so conditional. But now that we're married, there's no getting out of it - we're committed, and that's that.
So I wondered, what are the new "even if" statements that faced me now? I will love you even if we fight. I will keep fighting for our marriage even if it feels too hard. I will follow and submit to you even if I don't agree. I will be selfless even if I want to be selfish so badly. Thinking about those statements, I realized how hard it is to be married. "Even if" events will occur in our marriage for sure. There's no uncertainty about that. But I committed to be his wife, and that means that I don't walk away even when our life is riddled with "even if" situations.
As we journey further into our 2nd year of marriage, I am learning more and more that marriage is not just about creating as many happy memories as possible - it's about being there - and not leaving. I love being married, but it has shown me very acutely how nice it was when I lived only for myself. Relationships are wonderful - but they come at a cost - whether it's with your best friend, your husband, or your God, relationships require sacrifice. I still think it's worth it - even if it's harder than I'll ever imagine.
