i have not been able to say this at all yet - but i'm excited to say it - today, i have LOTS to be thankful for! what a great day it has been!
1. remember that unfortunate work incident from yesterday? well, God heard my prayers! my boss had a change of heart and did not end up going through with the awful plan she had originally told me! as soon as she told me, i felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. all night i had been bogged down by how unfair my work continues to be, and i cried to God in hope that He would help spare me here. and YES! He came through! i'm so unbelievably thankful that she had a change of heart. otherwise, it would've meant another several months of late night working and stress on top of stress! whoo hoo!!
2. sy treated me to a fancy lunch on the company dime and we had a GREAT time! we ate lunch at momofuku ma peche, and everything was so delicious! it was wonderful to a) eat outside the office, b) take a long lunch for once, c) eat amazing food, and d) spend time with my love during the work day. that hasn't happened in SO long. people always think that we must see each other everyday bc we work across the street from each other. but nope! hasn't happened since maybe last fall. so today was a great lunch! if you're reading this sy, THANK YOU!
3. my dear friend anna surprised me today with a surprise gift she had for me. and it was none other than the newest Taylor Swift album with the bonus songs and polaroid pictures!! when she had told me that she had something to give me, my first thought was, "oh please oh please oh please, let it be the new taylor swift album!" but i assumed it wasn't that since she already had her own copy. why would she get 2? and yet, it was exactly that! in many ways, it felt almost like God had heard my silly wishes to get my hands on this album. and in some ways, it almost feels like God knew that my heart has been so sad for weeks now, that this would be the way to cheer me up! with a little gift! and what a perfect gift it was! i truly believe that God had urged anna to buy this for me, bc He knew i'd need it around now. she pre-ordered this months ago, and yet it arrived now - as i have been struggling to find joy in my life. for weeks now, i keep thinking about the bible verse, “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If
you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your
children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit
to those who ask him!” i've been bitter at God for a while bc i feel like i have received nothing but snakes and stones. but today felt like my first gift in a while. and it felt so good.
4. the job that i have been interviewing for since aug, turns out that i am still in the running! THERE IS STILL HOPE! i had long given up hope for this job. i had felt defeated for a while now. but surprisingly, i found out today that there is still a glimmer of hope. and even though this glimmer is so faint, it's still there. a life without hope is unbearable. but a life with hope, even if it is just a tiny bit, has a chance.
in so many ways, today has been a fantastic day. sure, there were hard parts to it, but overall, i had 4 things to be thankful for. and in my book, that counts as one heck of a good day. i can only hope tomorrow is as good as today was. but if not, there will at least be one thing. you can count on that.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Day 4 - A Desperate Respite
today has been another hard day in which i am struggling to find something to be thankful for. what an exercise this is to force myself to be thankful when all i want to do is be grumpy, a debbie downer, and glass half empty. i'm learning that it's a LOT harder to be optimistic than it is to be pessimistic. perhaps it is due to murphy's law that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong. but i guess life isn't about lying down in defeat, it's about rising up and fighting.
so i fight - to stay positive and thankful.
today, i am thankful for the small 20 min break i took during my work day. unbeknownst to sy (who is trying to keep me accountable for not eating like a starved pig), i bought a bag of doritos and walked over to my old, favorite spot by my office. i sat there, alone, munching on my doritos, talking to God, laying down my burdens, and just being quiet. it reminded me of earlier days when i used to have a normal amount of work and had the time to eat lunch not at my desk, and not in a hurry, and not while multi tasking. it was like the old days of yonder when work wasn't an abyss of stress but just a place of work. it felt peaceful and i had felt the small stirrings of hope that maybe this was a preview of better days to come. (this was later crushed due to some more frustrating work-related issue) but for 20 min, i felt peaceful, slightly hopeful, and anxiety-free. that is so rare for me. and i cherished it like i had found a long-lost sweater.
so i fight - to stay positive and thankful.
today, i am thankful for the small 20 min break i took during my work day. unbeknownst to sy (who is trying to keep me accountable for not eating like a starved pig), i bought a bag of doritos and walked over to my old, favorite spot by my office. i sat there, alone, munching on my doritos, talking to God, laying down my burdens, and just being quiet. it reminded me of earlier days when i used to have a normal amount of work and had the time to eat lunch not at my desk, and not in a hurry, and not while multi tasking. it was like the old days of yonder when work wasn't an abyss of stress but just a place of work. it felt peaceful and i had felt the small stirrings of hope that maybe this was a preview of better days to come. (this was later crushed due to some more frustrating work-related issue) but for 20 min, i felt peaceful, slightly hopeful, and anxiety-free. that is so rare for me. and i cherished it like i had found a long-lost sweater.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Day 3 - Let's hear it for...
today was a hard day. it's one of those days where i can't think of a thankful thing right off the bat. it's one of those days where you really have to dig to see the beauty of the day. and archeology was never my subject.
amidst a monotonous and busy day, juxtaposed with an emotional and pensive night - i would have to say the best part of my day was when i watched an episode of The Voice as i did my work. it was an hour and a half of my day in which i felt less like i was sitting my cubicle and more like i was in the comfort of my own home.
and do you know what i'm thankful for today? talent. there is something truly beautiful and awe-inducing about seeing people with talent. after each performance, my mind buzzed with commentary i wanted to give like the esteemed judges. but more than that, my heart soared with every high note that was on point, with every flawless run, with each song that pierced me to my soul. seeing them sing reminded me of God's gifts and His own gift in me. there's no other word for talent other than a gift. we didn't earn it nor deserve it. we just received it. talent is amazing. i'm thankful to have witnessed it and to have been temporarily transcended out of my office and into beauty.
amidst a monotonous and busy day, juxtaposed with an emotional and pensive night - i would have to say the best part of my day was when i watched an episode of The Voice as i did my work. it was an hour and a half of my day in which i felt less like i was sitting my cubicle and more like i was in the comfort of my own home.
and do you know what i'm thankful for today? talent. there is something truly beautiful and awe-inducing about seeing people with talent. after each performance, my mind buzzed with commentary i wanted to give like the esteemed judges. but more than that, my heart soared with every high note that was on point, with every flawless run, with each song that pierced me to my soul. seeing them sing reminded me of God's gifts and His own gift in me. there's no other word for talent other than a gift. we didn't earn it nor deserve it. we just received it. talent is amazing. i'm thankful to have witnessed it and to have been temporarily transcended out of my office and into beauty.
Monday, October 27, 2014
Day 2 - lesson to dream
today - i went to my first guitar lesson! i had tried to teach myself guitar for months, but it was pretty unsuccessful. so one day, in the summer, i found a Living Social deal for 4 guitar lessons for cheap! and per my former roommate's advice - YOLO! - i bought it!
i was slightly nervous all day to go bc i was nervous that even with lessons, i wouldn't be able to catch on and i'd never learn to play. but after my first lesson, i'm excited to see where this will lead me! it's gonna be slow growing, but i don't care! i feel excited that i am at the beginning steps of a new skillset, a new experience, a new secret project, a new facet of myself. juxtaposed to having been in the same job for almost 3 years now, doing the same thing day in and day out, it feels so good to not know how to do something - to be challenged to use my brain in a way that's new and untraveled.
i hope that in 1 month, i will be able to play a song, be my own intrumentalist, and finally be one step closer to reaching taylor swift status. jk! hahaha... or am i? =D
so thankful for Living Social for helping me achieve one more dream on my bucket list!
i was slightly nervous all day to go bc i was nervous that even with lessons, i wouldn't be able to catch on and i'd never learn to play. but after my first lesson, i'm excited to see where this will lead me! it's gonna be slow growing, but i don't care! i feel excited that i am at the beginning steps of a new skillset, a new experience, a new secret project, a new facet of myself. juxtaposed to having been in the same job for almost 3 years now, doing the same thing day in and day out, it feels so good to not know how to do something - to be challenged to use my brain in a way that's new and untraveled.
i hope that in 1 month, i will be able to play a song, be my own intrumentalist, and finally be one step closer to reaching taylor swift status. jk! hahaha... or am i? =D
so thankful for Living Social for helping me achieve one more dream on my bucket list!
Day 1 - 100 Days of thankfulness
i'm ashamed to admit that for the past few months, i have been Miss Complain-y. it's no surprise to anyone who i've spoken to that i am unhappy with my job and all the negative products that have come with it. and sadly, i have changed. i have become a complainer. i generally try to keep my debbie downer side to just a select few who are entrusted with seeing all facets about me. but as of late, i have gone public. and i'm ashamed of it. so i've decided that i want to try to a mia-version of the 100 days of happiness project with my blog - 100 days of thankfulness. i will try to write a quick blog entry about something i am thankful for each day to remind myself that God throws me a bone every day - that i am not in such an awful state as i think i am - that things actually DO go well in my life - that my life is blessed.
so here goes!
today, i am thankful for a little boy - a 1 and half year baby - sy's nephew adam. i've known adam since he was about 8 months old (when sy and i began dating). and he is just the CUTEST little guy. every time i saw him, it was in a group setting in which sy's parents, his sister and brother-in-law, and sy and i were there. of the group, i was the person he knew the least. so whenever i saw him, he was most happy to see his family and i was a bit of a stranger. and while it always took time for him to warm up to me, he never had to warm up to everyone else. as he learned to talk, he began learning everyone's names - umma, abba, halmee (halmunee/grandma), habadah (harabujee/grandpa). he couldn't pronounce any S sounds, so he couldn't say sy nor samchoon (uncle). but when we asked him, "where's samchoon?", he would point at sy. but a little over a month ago, while playing with him, adam learned my name! and soon, he began saying it all the time! it was the most adorable thing i'd ever seen!
so today, as i ate lunch with adam and sy's family, he called me by name - mia! and as i played with him and talked with him, i realized that this little baby knows me. he knows my name. when we point to me and ask him "who's that?", he smiles and says mia. and i've never felt more special in my life than to be someone important enough in this baby's life to be known by him. he knows i am someone in this family that he doesn't see much, but he can count on seeing me from time to time. and apparently, when i'm not there, sometimes he calls out for me to look for me! it's a really special feeling to be known by a baby. a baby only cares for the important people in his/her life - and i am one of his. and i'm so thankful that he has welcomed me into his life.
i sang a song at church today that had lyrics like this:
You're a good, good Father - it's who You are
And I'm loved by you - it's who i am
i thought about how wonderful it is to be known to adam. and then i thought, how much more wonderful it is to be known by God. He knows my name. He knows who i am. He knows that i am special and important to His family. He calls my name and looks for me. i am loved by Him.
thank you adam for calling me by name. you'll never know how much it means to me. thank you Father for calling me by my name. i can never show You enough how much it means to me.
so here goes!
today, i am thankful for a little boy - a 1 and half year baby - sy's nephew adam. i've known adam since he was about 8 months old (when sy and i began dating). and he is just the CUTEST little guy. every time i saw him, it was in a group setting in which sy's parents, his sister and brother-in-law, and sy and i were there. of the group, i was the person he knew the least. so whenever i saw him, he was most happy to see his family and i was a bit of a stranger. and while it always took time for him to warm up to me, he never had to warm up to everyone else. as he learned to talk, he began learning everyone's names - umma, abba, halmee (halmunee/grandma), habadah (harabujee/grandpa). he couldn't pronounce any S sounds, so he couldn't say sy nor samchoon (uncle). but when we asked him, "where's samchoon?", he would point at sy. but a little over a month ago, while playing with him, adam learned my name! and soon, he began saying it all the time! it was the most adorable thing i'd ever seen!
so today, as i ate lunch with adam and sy's family, he called me by name - mia! and as i played with him and talked with him, i realized that this little baby knows me. he knows my name. when we point to me and ask him "who's that?", he smiles and says mia. and i've never felt more special in my life than to be someone important enough in this baby's life to be known by him. he knows i am someone in this family that he doesn't see much, but he can count on seeing me from time to time. and apparently, when i'm not there, sometimes he calls out for me to look for me! it's a really special feeling to be known by a baby. a baby only cares for the important people in his/her life - and i am one of his. and i'm so thankful that he has welcomed me into his life.
i sang a song at church today that had lyrics like this:
You're a good, good Father - it's who You are
And I'm loved by you - it's who i am
i thought about how wonderful it is to be known to adam. and then i thought, how much more wonderful it is to be known by God. He knows my name. He knows who i am. He knows that i am special and important to His family. He calls my name and looks for me. i am loved by Him.
thank you adam for calling me by name. you'll never know how much it means to me. thank you Father for calling me by my name. i can never show You enough how much it means to me.
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