Every morning, on my walk to work, I always pass by a man wearing a sign on his body, as he calls out to the cranky pedestrians on the sidewalk to get a massage or spa treatment at the store above. I always ignore his advertisements and try not to make eye contact. To me, he is just a nuisance on a crowded sidewalk as I try to navigate my way through tourists to start another day of work. I'm always unhappy in the mornings as I walk to work because I dread going to the office.
But this morning, as I walked on my less-crowded sidewalk (thanks to the empty-ing out of humans in nyc in the holiday season), I found that man sitting inside a deli. He was resting on a chair, gloomily looking out the window. I wondered why he was sitting in there, and I quickly realized that he must have been cold and tired and wanted a short respite. And as I walked past him, again dreading my work day, I thought about how much it must suck to have this job. To be outside day in and day out, whether it's blistering cold or unbearably hot, spritzy rain or gusty wind, he is out there getting ignored by a city of apathetic and grumpy individuals.
I suddenly got a flashback of my weekend. I was at a diner with Julia and Dennis, and Dennis asked me how my job was. I answered, "It's okay." Perhaps this wasn't the answer that Dennis was expecting to hear, and he asked, "You're not enjoying your job?" And I looked at him wearily, and said, "Not really. It's just my job. Pays the bills. It's fine." He then gave me a look - a look of Wow, I don't know how to respond to that. I didn't feel an ounce of guilt for my comment. It was the truth; it was how I felt.
So as I pushed through the turnstile to my building, I thought about much I normally dread work, but what a fool I am for being such an ungrateful brat. I could be doing this man's job - but I'm not. I'm sitting in my warm office, surfing jcrew.com, drinking my free tea and eating my free bagel. I'm not being subjected to the whim of the weather, I'm listening to my spotify playlist. I'm not running my voice ragged asking people to go get a massage - I'm gchatting with Sy. What a brat I have been. I have been so bitter at my job for months now. Sure, I have reason to be bitter - but is it necessary for me to be so thankless?
I'm glad that I have been awoken from my self-centered stupor. But I hope I don't slip back into a self-indulgent flood. Friends - help remind me to be in awe of all the blessings I have. I want to see the world again through fresh eyes.
Friday, December 30, 2016
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Standstill
I think one of the hardest things about marriage is the fact that 2 people must somehow be able to co-exist forever. It was hard enough living with roommates because roommates all have different standards of aspects of life: cleanliness, finances, noise, personal space, etc. Living with roommates gets tough bc having different standards for life can make your co-existence filled with friction. That's why eventually people choose to live on their own because it's so much easier to be alone than with someone else.
But when you get married, you're not only living with this person, but you're stuck with this person with no end in sight. Now, don't get me wrong - I love marriage. But when you're making friction, it can feel like there's no end in sight.
Sy and I have different standards for certain parts of our lives. And lately, I've really been struggling with how you reconcile those differences. How do you live with someone who believes in something that you just don't believe in? I'll give a harmless example:
Let's say that a wife loves golf. She spends money to go golfing at the range; she spends hours away from her husband and family playing golf. The husband thinks that golf is not a good sport due to its high cost in money and time, and would prefer if the wife were to quit. What do you do? The wife enjoys golf - do you take it away from her? Or do you tell the husband to ignore it for her happiness - even though it makes him unhappy?
There's nothing wrong with golf inherently - it's not an evil sport. and yet, 2 people have different standards of what is an acceptable sport or not. There are pros and cons to both. What are you to do?
And this is where marriage gets tricky. No 2 people are ever going to be 100% in sync with each other on everything. So then what do you when you reach this point? What do you do if these differences are actually major passion points in their lives? How do you reconcile such deep differences?
This is where I am. I don't know what you're supposed to do. What would Jesus do in this situation? I have no idea. I really wish I knew.
But when you get married, you're not only living with this person, but you're stuck with this person with no end in sight. Now, don't get me wrong - I love marriage. But when you're making friction, it can feel like there's no end in sight.
Sy and I have different standards for certain parts of our lives. And lately, I've really been struggling with how you reconcile those differences. How do you live with someone who believes in something that you just don't believe in? I'll give a harmless example:
Let's say that a wife loves golf. She spends money to go golfing at the range; she spends hours away from her husband and family playing golf. The husband thinks that golf is not a good sport due to its high cost in money and time, and would prefer if the wife were to quit. What do you do? The wife enjoys golf - do you take it away from her? Or do you tell the husband to ignore it for her happiness - even though it makes him unhappy?
There's nothing wrong with golf inherently - it's not an evil sport. and yet, 2 people have different standards of what is an acceptable sport or not. There are pros and cons to both. What are you to do?
And this is where marriage gets tricky. No 2 people are ever going to be 100% in sync with each other on everything. So then what do you when you reach this point? What do you do if these differences are actually major passion points in their lives? How do you reconcile such deep differences?
This is where I am. I don't know what you're supposed to do. What would Jesus do in this situation? I have no idea. I really wish I knew.
Monday, November 7, 2016
Happy Anniversary To Us!
Sy and I recently celebrated our 1 year anniversary! It's shocking how fast a year has gone by. Wedding planning memories still feel super vivid to me, and yet, an entire year of 4 seasons has come and gone. I still feel like we ought to be considered newlyweds, because we certainly don't feel like seasoned veterans just yet.
In the weeks leading up to our anniversary, I was pretty busy planning our trip to Korea and also our trip to Seattle. And me, being the crazy-planner that I am, also was trying to plan our actual anniversary celebration as well. And it really got me reflecting about our first year of marriage. Questions like, did we have a good first year? what did we get better at? where did we fall short? what can we do better? how far have we come? kept creeping into my mind any time I had a spare quiet moment.
Before we got married, I was pretty nervous. I had been thoroughly warned that the first year of marriage is the hardest. And while I knew couples who breezed through their first year, I certainly knew plenty who had a hard time. I had feared that we would land on the unlucky side, and had mentally braced myself for it. To be honest, our first 3 months of marriage were hard. By the time we came back from our honeymoon, we were thrust into the holiday season, and neither of us had foresaw how chaotic and stressful it would be to manage 2 very needy families. We ended up fighting a lot and it freaked me out a lot. You hear about phrases like "the honeymoon phase" and it scared me that we could fight so much in what should be our honeymoon phase. Did we make a mistake? Should we not have gotten married? Those were terrifying questions to have to answer.
But time kept moving on, and we somehow managed to survive that storm. We came out of it beaten and tired, but alive. Perhaps this was part of how we were able to rise above it. I think we just got tired of fighting so much, and wanted some peace and quiet and chose to let some things slide, or figured out how to prevent certain arguments. And things got better. Perhaps that is what marriage and relationships are like. You start off full of energy, ready to change the world and your spouse, and then you realize it's too hard. Let me work on the smaller stuff and get better success rates this way. And then all of a sudden, you look back, and you have all these months of happy memories piled up to land on when you get knocked down from a fight. And when you fall down, it doesn't feel so bad.
I'm really proud of our first year. Sy and I are two very different people. We think so differently and react so opposite-ly that it could have been a much harder year. But at the end of the day, I always knew he loved me like crazy, and having that nugget to hold on to gave me strength to keep pushing through. When I think back on our first year, I remember so many happy memories. It really was a good year.
So, in true Mia fashion - I made some Year 2 Marriage Resolutions to make our 2nd year better - not just for us, but also for myself. I want to be a better wife, and I want to be a better "helper" that God has called me to be.
1. I will cook us more dinner.
I'm not saying I want to go back to the '50s and become an apron-donning stay at home mom. But I think there is something valued at being a mom who's cooking the whole family loves. But how can I become that kind of mom if I'm always ordering pizza and thai bc I'm too lazy to cook? So, it's time that I start practicing cooking on a more regular basis, save us some money, eat healthier home-cooked meals, and make my husband happy!
2. I will pray for Sy more.
I'm ashamed to say that I prayed for him less this year than I did when we were dating. I spent so much precious prayer-real estate on things that I wanted selfishly, that I just stopped praying for him. But no more! I will be his prayer-warrior wife and always have him covered in prayer as the head of our household.
3. I will work on reviving my own spiritual life as a wife.
It's funny. I don't think I fell away from God, but I know that God stopped being a priority somehow. I was so focused all year on making sure we had a happy marriage that I figured God would be okay with this. But in recent months, I've noticed a feeling of longing for the past. I had wondered if it was that I missed being single, but I've realized that it's that I miss feeling intimate with God. I associate my single days with my best times with God. So I've decided that in year 2 of marriage, I will prioritize God AND my marriage. I know what it looks like to be single and have a great relationship with God. But I'm not so sure what it looks like to be married and have a great relationship with God. It'll be a big learning curve, but I'm ready.
I hope my readers out there will pray for me and Sy, and will also encourage me to stick to these marriage resolutions throughout the next year. I'm hoping it's gonna be a really wonderful year full of more blessings than I can imagine!
In the weeks leading up to our anniversary, I was pretty busy planning our trip to Korea and also our trip to Seattle. And me, being the crazy-planner that I am, also was trying to plan our actual anniversary celebration as well. And it really got me reflecting about our first year of marriage. Questions like, did we have a good first year? what did we get better at? where did we fall short? what can we do better? how far have we come? kept creeping into my mind any time I had a spare quiet moment.
Before we got married, I was pretty nervous. I had been thoroughly warned that the first year of marriage is the hardest. And while I knew couples who breezed through their first year, I certainly knew plenty who had a hard time. I had feared that we would land on the unlucky side, and had mentally braced myself for it. To be honest, our first 3 months of marriage were hard. By the time we came back from our honeymoon, we were thrust into the holiday season, and neither of us had foresaw how chaotic and stressful it would be to manage 2 very needy families. We ended up fighting a lot and it freaked me out a lot. You hear about phrases like "the honeymoon phase" and it scared me that we could fight so much in what should be our honeymoon phase. Did we make a mistake? Should we not have gotten married? Those were terrifying questions to have to answer.
But time kept moving on, and we somehow managed to survive that storm. We came out of it beaten and tired, but alive. Perhaps this was part of how we were able to rise above it. I think we just got tired of fighting so much, and wanted some peace and quiet and chose to let some things slide, or figured out how to prevent certain arguments. And things got better. Perhaps that is what marriage and relationships are like. You start off full of energy, ready to change the world and your spouse, and then you realize it's too hard. Let me work on the smaller stuff and get better success rates this way. And then all of a sudden, you look back, and you have all these months of happy memories piled up to land on when you get knocked down from a fight. And when you fall down, it doesn't feel so bad.
I'm really proud of our first year. Sy and I are two very different people. We think so differently and react so opposite-ly that it could have been a much harder year. But at the end of the day, I always knew he loved me like crazy, and having that nugget to hold on to gave me strength to keep pushing through. When I think back on our first year, I remember so many happy memories. It really was a good year.
So, in true Mia fashion - I made some Year 2 Marriage Resolutions to make our 2nd year better - not just for us, but also for myself. I want to be a better wife, and I want to be a better "helper" that God has called me to be.
1. I will cook us more dinner.
I'm not saying I want to go back to the '50s and become an apron-donning stay at home mom. But I think there is something valued at being a mom who's cooking the whole family loves. But how can I become that kind of mom if I'm always ordering pizza and thai bc I'm too lazy to cook? So, it's time that I start practicing cooking on a more regular basis, save us some money, eat healthier home-cooked meals, and make my husband happy!
2. I will pray for Sy more.
I'm ashamed to say that I prayed for him less this year than I did when we were dating. I spent so much precious prayer-real estate on things that I wanted selfishly, that I just stopped praying for him. But no more! I will be his prayer-warrior wife and always have him covered in prayer as the head of our household.
3. I will work on reviving my own spiritual life as a wife.
It's funny. I don't think I fell away from God, but I know that God stopped being a priority somehow. I was so focused all year on making sure we had a happy marriage that I figured God would be okay with this. But in recent months, I've noticed a feeling of longing for the past. I had wondered if it was that I missed being single, but I've realized that it's that I miss feeling intimate with God. I associate my single days with my best times with God. So I've decided that in year 2 of marriage, I will prioritize God AND my marriage. I know what it looks like to be single and have a great relationship with God. But I'm not so sure what it looks like to be married and have a great relationship with God. It'll be a big learning curve, but I'm ready.
I hope my readers out there will pray for me and Sy, and will also encourage me to stick to these marriage resolutions throughout the next year. I'm hoping it's gonna be a really wonderful year full of more blessings than I can imagine!
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Marital Bliss(ters)
Whenever I talk to my single friends, I'm always filled with sadness when I hear about their loneliness and their fears of being single forever. I remember those sentiments all too well. I remember feeling so much relief when Sy and I got engaged, and I thought I finally had my happy ending. No more breakups, no more single girl loneliness, no more jealousy at happy couples, no more fear of being alone. It was wonderful.
But people don't ever talk about the hard part of marriage. In movies, we see all the effort and journey of going from building the courage to ask out someone to the bliss of the beginnings of relationships - and then the predictable plot twist where a relationship seems tenuous, and then the happy resolution. But this is where the movie ends - a wedding kiss, a happy embrace, a tearful reunion. They never show you what happens after - the difficulties of 2 becoming 1. I think we just assume that because you're in love, you'll never fight again. Because it was so hard to overcome that first battle, you'll never forget it and always be eternally grateful. But it's not true. Humans are so forgetful. Within a day we forget the considerate things people do for us. Within hours, we forget about our diets. Within seconds, a good mood can turn sour and emotions flare up.
Just because you get married doesn't mean forever anymore. The D word still looms over you like a dark cloud, no matter how christian you are - because the sad truth is - divorce happens to everyone. And when divorce comes knocking at your door, asking to hang out for a few hours, it may not stay for long, but the stench of it lingers for days.
In a book I'm reading, I read a quote, "Piece of free advice -- never try and work out what's going on in someone else's marriage." - The Light Between Oceans. I've learned that every marriage is different and every marriage has its struggles. Yes, every couple seems picture perfect on instagram and facebook. They look so happy! They go on all these cute dates and they're so romantic! But I'm learning - every marriage is hard. Every marriage has its ups and downs. You just never know which curve you'll get when you ask the question - how's married life?
Friends - pray for your married friends. Pray for their marriages. They need it as much as the single people do. Maybe even more.
But people don't ever talk about the hard part of marriage. In movies, we see all the effort and journey of going from building the courage to ask out someone to the bliss of the beginnings of relationships - and then the predictable plot twist where a relationship seems tenuous, and then the happy resolution. But this is where the movie ends - a wedding kiss, a happy embrace, a tearful reunion. They never show you what happens after - the difficulties of 2 becoming 1. I think we just assume that because you're in love, you'll never fight again. Because it was so hard to overcome that first battle, you'll never forget it and always be eternally grateful. But it's not true. Humans are so forgetful. Within a day we forget the considerate things people do for us. Within hours, we forget about our diets. Within seconds, a good mood can turn sour and emotions flare up.
Just because you get married doesn't mean forever anymore. The D word still looms over you like a dark cloud, no matter how christian you are - because the sad truth is - divorce happens to everyone. And when divorce comes knocking at your door, asking to hang out for a few hours, it may not stay for long, but the stench of it lingers for days.
In a book I'm reading, I read a quote, "Piece of free advice -- never try and work out what's going on in someone else's marriage." - The Light Between Oceans. I've learned that every marriage is different and every marriage has its struggles. Yes, every couple seems picture perfect on instagram and facebook. They look so happy! They go on all these cute dates and they're so romantic! But I'm learning - every marriage is hard. Every marriage has its ups and downs. You just never know which curve you'll get when you ask the question - how's married life?
Friends - pray for your married friends. Pray for their marriages. They need it as much as the single people do. Maybe even more.
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Teamwork makes the dream work
Last weekend, Sy and I went to a bbq, and we ended up playing an intense drinking game. The majority of the people playing were couples. Towards the latter half of the game-playing, people were starting to get really full from all the liquids being ingested so quickly, and it became a big struggle to have to lose. A pattern began to form in which if the girl lost, then her husband would drink her drink for her to help her from getting sick.
Now, we all know that I cannot drink for the life of me. I drink a few sips of anything, and I feel woozy and the room spins. Poor Sy has had to drink double the drinks ever since we got together bc I could never finish my own. But when it came to this game, I just couldn't stomach the idea (yes, pun intended!) of Sy drinking all my mistakes in addition to his own. So when I lost, I belly'ed up and drank my cup. The group cheered me on as they were surprised to see me hold my own. But like all drinking games do, people started getting sloppy and making more mistakes. There was a brief phase where the guys were making too many mistakes and needing to drink too fast too consecutively. The respective girlfriends and wives offered to drink it for them, just as they had done for us. For the other girls, this wasn't too hard. But when Sy had a slew of consecutive drinks in him, I courageously volunteered as tribute. I yelled out, "Give it to me! I'll drink it!" The group roared with surprise and awe. How could Mia, the most alcohol-intolerant one, offer to drink her husband's drink? It was true sacrifice. 1 drink for me was more potent than 1 drink for Sy. And yet, here I was - volunteering myself for him.
Later that night, as I played back the day as I always do while lying in bed before sleep, I laughed at how silly this game was. But it showed me an important aspect of marriage and relationships in general. A couple works best when both partners are trying to help each other out. Both the wives and the husbands all worked together to help the other not get too drunk. Sure, Sy could've drunk all my drinks. But where would that leave us? A very drunk and sick Sy... with me left to help clean him up and take care of him. That's not fun for either of us. But by us helping each other out? We both weathered the game okay and were able to just have fun at this ridiculous game.
This little example reminded me of that bible passage - "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:30. Biblically, the passage is about how Jesus' yolk is light bc he carries the majority of it.
Since marriage is symbolic of our marriage with Christ, I thought about how even in marriage, we have to carry our yolk. It's too hard for 1 person to bear all the burden. Sure, it's doable, but it's not ideal. So we carry it together. It's one of the main reasons why God gave us marriage - the wife is meant to be a helper. So we help each other - we carry each other's burdens together so it's not too burdensome for 1 person alone. And then lucky for us, Jesus carries all the burdens we can't carry.
I'm thankful that I have a husband who looks out for me and wants to help make my yolk lighter. And I will always do whatever I can to make his yolk lighter too. But I'm more thankful that we have a God who gave us the lightest yolk of all.
Now, we all know that I cannot drink for the life of me. I drink a few sips of anything, and I feel woozy and the room spins. Poor Sy has had to drink double the drinks ever since we got together bc I could never finish my own. But when it came to this game, I just couldn't stomach the idea (yes, pun intended!) of Sy drinking all my mistakes in addition to his own. So when I lost, I belly'ed up and drank my cup. The group cheered me on as they were surprised to see me hold my own. But like all drinking games do, people started getting sloppy and making more mistakes. There was a brief phase where the guys were making too many mistakes and needing to drink too fast too consecutively. The respective girlfriends and wives offered to drink it for them, just as they had done for us. For the other girls, this wasn't too hard. But when Sy had a slew of consecutive drinks in him, I courageously volunteered as tribute. I yelled out, "Give it to me! I'll drink it!" The group roared with surprise and awe. How could Mia, the most alcohol-intolerant one, offer to drink her husband's drink? It was true sacrifice. 1 drink for me was more potent than 1 drink for Sy. And yet, here I was - volunteering myself for him.
Later that night, as I played back the day as I always do while lying in bed before sleep, I laughed at how silly this game was. But it showed me an important aspect of marriage and relationships in general. A couple works best when both partners are trying to help each other out. Both the wives and the husbands all worked together to help the other not get too drunk. Sure, Sy could've drunk all my drinks. But where would that leave us? A very drunk and sick Sy... with me left to help clean him up and take care of him. That's not fun for either of us. But by us helping each other out? We both weathered the game okay and were able to just have fun at this ridiculous game.
This little example reminded me of that bible passage - "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:30. Biblically, the passage is about how Jesus' yolk is light bc he carries the majority of it.
I'm thankful that I have a husband who looks out for me and wants to help make my yolk lighter. And I will always do whatever I can to make his yolk lighter too. But I'm more thankful that we have a God who gave us the lightest yolk of all.
Monday, May 23, 2016
The Rollercoaster of life
Lately, there has been a sense of sadness in my life. Maybe "sadness" is too strong of a word. But a feeling of downness. I tried to pinpoint what was causing this feeling, or why I was feeling this way, and I think I figured it out.
2015 was an amazing year for me. In Feb, Sy and I got engaged, and I had a beautiful, shiny diamond on my finger, and months' work of wedding planning to do. I loved wedding planning, so it was such a fun time for me. In May, Sy and I both got new jobs. I finally got a job in marketing after years of applying and getting rejected. It was my career-dream come true! In Sept, we moved into a brand new luxury apt. I had always wanted to live in a super lux building, and now I finally was. I felt like I had "made it" in life and was living in the lap of luxury. In Oct, we got married! Had the best day of my life! I never felt more beautiful and special than I did on that day. And then we left for our honeymoon - my best vacation ever.
Looking back, it was seriously the best year of my life. It was literally high after high after high.
So, now, here in 2016, there aren't as many highs as there used to be. Did I get used to constantly have the best ___ ever? Maybe I did! I've now been at my job for about a year, and the novelty has worn off. I no longer feel super lucky to have this job - it's just a job again. I no longer feel like I'm doing something really new and exciting - everything has become routine and rote. I am no longer planning my own wedding. The best day of my life is behind me and I'll technically never get to get married again - no amazing wedding dress, no photographers and videographers following me around - nothing! I'm so ordinary! We've been living in our apt and enjoying it. But now it's just our home - nothing crazy and unique.
If I think about my life in a graph-format, I realized that 2015 was like the up-part of a rollercoaster. My rollercoaster was just constantly ticking upwards to the pinnacle point, and now, the rollercoaster has passed its peak, and now we're coasting downwards. And it's not like we're going "down" into suffering or struggles. It's just no longer going upwards. Sy and I are going through the motions of being married. And while it's mostly good - there are times when marriage is tough - filled with phases of fighting, trying to not get annoyed by each other, compromising, doing things for the other person that you really don't feel like doing, and settling into our new roles.
Yes, we've experienced some new highs together - like our trip to London, my upcoming new role as an aunt to my sister's baby, learning to cook more, etc. But man, nothing compares to those major milestones I had in 2015. It's hard to adjust to a more ordinary life now.
I miss those days. I think this is just a new part of life that I have to figure out. I'm not depressed or down or sad. I'm just not on a high. I think this is very similar to our christian lives. You can't go from high to high with retreat after retreat. You have to figure out how to find joy and the highs in the mundane and the routine. I'm re-finding God through this process and not just thanking Him for all my amazing blessings, but just walking with Him in the boring as well. If life is a rollercoaster - then eventually, the ride will go back up. All parts of a rollercoaster ride are fun - you never say that just the highs were the best part - you say the whole ride was great. So I'm going to just keep on keeping my head up and remembering that this is all part of my rollercoaster ride of life. But I'm not gonna lie - I can't wait for more highs to come my way! =)
2015 was an amazing year for me. In Feb, Sy and I got engaged, and I had a beautiful, shiny diamond on my finger, and months' work of wedding planning to do. I loved wedding planning, so it was such a fun time for me. In May, Sy and I both got new jobs. I finally got a job in marketing after years of applying and getting rejected. It was my career-dream come true! In Sept, we moved into a brand new luxury apt. I had always wanted to live in a super lux building, and now I finally was. I felt like I had "made it" in life and was living in the lap of luxury. In Oct, we got married! Had the best day of my life! I never felt more beautiful and special than I did on that day. And then we left for our honeymoon - my best vacation ever.
Looking back, it was seriously the best year of my life. It was literally high after high after high.
So, now, here in 2016, there aren't as many highs as there used to be. Did I get used to constantly have the best ___ ever? Maybe I did! I've now been at my job for about a year, and the novelty has worn off. I no longer feel super lucky to have this job - it's just a job again. I no longer feel like I'm doing something really new and exciting - everything has become routine and rote. I am no longer planning my own wedding. The best day of my life is behind me and I'll technically never get to get married again - no amazing wedding dress, no photographers and videographers following me around - nothing! I'm so ordinary! We've been living in our apt and enjoying it. But now it's just our home - nothing crazy and unique.
If I think about my life in a graph-format, I realized that 2015 was like the up-part of a rollercoaster. My rollercoaster was just constantly ticking upwards to the pinnacle point, and now, the rollercoaster has passed its peak, and now we're coasting downwards. And it's not like we're going "down" into suffering or struggles. It's just no longer going upwards. Sy and I are going through the motions of being married. And while it's mostly good - there are times when marriage is tough - filled with phases of fighting, trying to not get annoyed by each other, compromising, doing things for the other person that you really don't feel like doing, and settling into our new roles.
Yes, we've experienced some new highs together - like our trip to London, my upcoming new role as an aunt to my sister's baby, learning to cook more, etc. But man, nothing compares to those major milestones I had in 2015. It's hard to adjust to a more ordinary life now.
I miss those days. I think this is just a new part of life that I have to figure out. I'm not depressed or down or sad. I'm just not on a high. I think this is very similar to our christian lives. You can't go from high to high with retreat after retreat. You have to figure out how to find joy and the highs in the mundane and the routine. I'm re-finding God through this process and not just thanking Him for all my amazing blessings, but just walking with Him in the boring as well. If life is a rollercoaster - then eventually, the ride will go back up. All parts of a rollercoaster ride are fun - you never say that just the highs were the best part - you say the whole ride was great. So I'm going to just keep on keeping my head up and remembering that this is all part of my rollercoaster ride of life. But I'm not gonna lie - I can't wait for more highs to come my way! =)
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Accidental cooking lessons
Last weekend, my husband and I had a crazy weekend as we prepared to throw a birthday party for his grandma who turned 99. We invited his entire extended family on his father's side, which came out to 19 people in total. It was definitely daunting to think about cooking for such a large group of people, but I was ready for the challenge. This would be the first time we hosted a large group like this in our not-so-large apt, and the first time I'd be cooking a korean meal for his family. It was a lot of pressure!
So, Sy and I decided that we would go simple - or so we thought - and make 3 things: 1 main dish, and 2 side dishes. We planned on making Bibimbap (korean rice bowl with mixed vegetables and meat) with baked soy garlic chicken wings, and crab/scallion pancakes.
Man oh man. It was a crazy weekend. We went grocery shopping on Sat evening, and we thought, okay, we'll just prep the vegetables before we sleep and get a head start on Sun. We ended up prepping vegetables from 11pm-2:30am. Why did it take so long? Because our apt was not prepared to cook such large quantities of food! First of all, it took forever to dice up 8 zucchinis. And then we had to saute the zucchinis - and our largest frying pan could not hold it all. I had to saute all the zucchinis in 3 batches! Repeat this exact process as we peeled, chopped up, sauteed 10 carrots. Btw, do you know how hard it is to wash 5 bunches of spinach? After you unbundle them and wash them, you're left with literally a mountain of spinach. I had not enough bowls to place the cleaned spinach! Every large bowl in my kitchen was utilized to just hold the spinach and every inch of counter space looked like a greenhouse filled with spinach. And then I had to boil a large pot of water, then boil the spinach, drain it, squeeze out all the water, and set aside - 3x total! Each process was so long and frustrating! I had no idea that cooking for 19 people would be so arduous and difficult in a small kitchen.
Let's just say with the rest of the ingredients, it was also a long process. You try making 60 crab pancakes, and cooking 40 chicken wings. On Sunday, we cooked from 12pm-5pm when our guests arrived. (side note, we even had to make an emergency run to Party City in the morning bc we realized we didn't own bowls that were large enough to hold bibimbap! what a fail!) So it's fair to say - this was quite an ordeal.
Our apt was complete chaos. We put all the adults at our dining table, and brought out every chair, stool, and something to sit on we had. We sat all the cousins on the floor on a side table we store under our couch for emergencies like this. And 4 small children jumped on our couch as a trampoline while we ate. It was nuts.
By the time everyone went home at 9pm, I was exhausted. We had used every bowl in our cabinets for the soup that my sister-in-law had made. There were 4 bags of trash. And at one point, the kids had moved to our bedroom, and used our bed as a trampoline again, and also had decided to throw all our pillows, pajamas, and stuffed animals on the floor. The thought of cleaning up after this marathon of cooking/hosting made me want to never want to host again.
It really made me wonder - how the heck did my mother's generation do this on a regular basis? I thought about my childhood and remembered all the happy times of family festivities and how easy it all seemed. My parents' generation came from a time when the average sibling size was 6-8 kids. My mom is 1 of 6 kids. Growing up, every Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Birthday celebrations were always filled with a minimum of 20 people - and that was before all the grandkids started to come along. How on earth did my aunts/mom do this with no help? Most of the men of their generation do not help out in the kitchen. (thank God Sy helped me!) And they cooked big, elaborate dishes! They made it seem so easy! It seemed like bowls of hot, steaming food just appeared out of nowhere. It made me wonder - did they start cooking days ahead of time? Did they ever complain to their husbands? Did they clean the house too? (bc I made Sy do that while I cooked. There was not enough time for me to do both!) I just started to realize how much our mothers' generation did for us.
Our moms are amazing people. I think marriage has made me realize just how much my mom did for us. I can barely cook dinner for us every night. Pizza is just such an easy solution. But not when I was growing up. We always ate a home cooked meal. Every time I go home, my mom packs me bags of frozen marinated food. I've always taken it for granted. But now I know, she must have sat at the kitchen table, prepping all this food for me for hours. No wonder she's always fishing for compliments! She's exhausted! =) I have no idea how my mother's generation did so much. (granted, I'm sure the larger cooking equipment will help for sure if I ever invest in them) But still! I'm so amazed. I'm so impressed. And most of all, I'm so humbled. I took it all for granted. I wish I could go back in time and hug all my aunts for all their hard work. I wish I could tell my mom that I appreciate all that she did. All I know is, from now on, I am always going to say thank you, and be genuinely thankful for it. They deserve our praise. And what they really deserve is a break - but I don't know if I'm ready to take this on every time. Haha!
Well, thank goodness we survived. The food came out great, all the relatives were happy, and all of our furniture is still intact. Whew! Hopefully, we won't have to host again for at least a few months. =)
p.s. lesson learned - bibimbap is actually a really hard dish to make for a large group of people. apparently, sy's mom internally laughed at us when we told her the menu and that we thought it was simple. *face palm
So, Sy and I decided that we would go simple - or so we thought - and make 3 things: 1 main dish, and 2 side dishes. We planned on making Bibimbap (korean rice bowl with mixed vegetables and meat) with baked soy garlic chicken wings, and crab/scallion pancakes.
Man oh man. It was a crazy weekend. We went grocery shopping on Sat evening, and we thought, okay, we'll just prep the vegetables before we sleep and get a head start on Sun. We ended up prepping vegetables from 11pm-2:30am. Why did it take so long? Because our apt was not prepared to cook such large quantities of food! First of all, it took forever to dice up 8 zucchinis. And then we had to saute the zucchinis - and our largest frying pan could not hold it all. I had to saute all the zucchinis in 3 batches! Repeat this exact process as we peeled, chopped up, sauteed 10 carrots. Btw, do you know how hard it is to wash 5 bunches of spinach? After you unbundle them and wash them, you're left with literally a mountain of spinach. I had not enough bowls to place the cleaned spinach! Every large bowl in my kitchen was utilized to just hold the spinach and every inch of counter space looked like a greenhouse filled with spinach. And then I had to boil a large pot of water, then boil the spinach, drain it, squeeze out all the water, and set aside - 3x total! Each process was so long and frustrating! I had no idea that cooking for 19 people would be so arduous and difficult in a small kitchen.
Let's just say with the rest of the ingredients, it was also a long process. You try making 60 crab pancakes, and cooking 40 chicken wings. On Sunday, we cooked from 12pm-5pm when our guests arrived. (side note, we even had to make an emergency run to Party City in the morning bc we realized we didn't own bowls that were large enough to hold bibimbap! what a fail!) So it's fair to say - this was quite an ordeal.
Our apt was complete chaos. We put all the adults at our dining table, and brought out every chair, stool, and something to sit on we had. We sat all the cousins on the floor on a side table we store under our couch for emergencies like this. And 4 small children jumped on our couch as a trampoline while we ate. It was nuts.
By the time everyone went home at 9pm, I was exhausted. We had used every bowl in our cabinets for the soup that my sister-in-law had made. There were 4 bags of trash. And at one point, the kids had moved to our bedroom, and used our bed as a trampoline again, and also had decided to throw all our pillows, pajamas, and stuffed animals on the floor. The thought of cleaning up after this marathon of cooking/hosting made me want to never want to host again.
It really made me wonder - how the heck did my mother's generation do this on a regular basis? I thought about my childhood and remembered all the happy times of family festivities and how easy it all seemed. My parents' generation came from a time when the average sibling size was 6-8 kids. My mom is 1 of 6 kids. Growing up, every Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Birthday celebrations were always filled with a minimum of 20 people - and that was before all the grandkids started to come along. How on earth did my aunts/mom do this with no help? Most of the men of their generation do not help out in the kitchen. (thank God Sy helped me!) And they cooked big, elaborate dishes! They made it seem so easy! It seemed like bowls of hot, steaming food just appeared out of nowhere. It made me wonder - did they start cooking days ahead of time? Did they ever complain to their husbands? Did they clean the house too? (bc I made Sy do that while I cooked. There was not enough time for me to do both!) I just started to realize how much our mothers' generation did for us.
Our moms are amazing people. I think marriage has made me realize just how much my mom did for us. I can barely cook dinner for us every night. Pizza is just such an easy solution. But not when I was growing up. We always ate a home cooked meal. Every time I go home, my mom packs me bags of frozen marinated food. I've always taken it for granted. But now I know, she must have sat at the kitchen table, prepping all this food for me for hours. No wonder she's always fishing for compliments! She's exhausted! =) I have no idea how my mother's generation did so much. (granted, I'm sure the larger cooking equipment will help for sure if I ever invest in them) But still! I'm so amazed. I'm so impressed. And most of all, I'm so humbled. I took it all for granted. I wish I could go back in time and hug all my aunts for all their hard work. I wish I could tell my mom that I appreciate all that she did. All I know is, from now on, I am always going to say thank you, and be genuinely thankful for it. They deserve our praise. And what they really deserve is a break - but I don't know if I'm ready to take this on every time. Haha!
Well, thank goodness we survived. The food came out great, all the relatives were happy, and all of our furniture is still intact. Whew! Hopefully, we won't have to host again for at least a few months. =)
p.s. lesson learned - bibimbap is actually a really hard dish to make for a large group of people. apparently, sy's mom internally laughed at us when we told her the menu and that we thought it was simple. *face palm
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
It's a miracle!
This past Sunday, I heard a man tell his testimony of how he was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of 20, and immediately began chemotherapy, and endured years of trying to fight the cancer. He talked about how when he finally finished all his treatment and was declared in remission, every once in a while, he would feel a deep sense of gratitude to be alive - like when he watched his sister walk down the aisle, or when he had his first baby.
As he reminisced these feelings of gratitude, it reminded me of my single days. I used to have a "theory" or rather statement that I talked about frequently. When I was single, I strongly felt that finding the one was like witnessing a miracle. So many "stars" have to align for a marriage to happen. 2 people need to meet somehow; and also be at the right point of their lives where they are ready to be in a serious relationship; and both people need to be in the mature mindset to see and accept each other; and both need to get through enough dating without any outside circumstances to get in the way to derail them; and then both need to have families that will help move them along to marriage; and lastly have the financial means to get married.
I guess this is why every person before the one is the wrong one. But it's also based on all these stars aligning. Sy and I often say to each other that if we had met each other years ago, we wouldn't have dated the other. It was only because we were both where we were when we met that we were open to each other. I think about my friend who was madly in love with a guy amidst a terrible family emergency. She was so stressed and emotionally needy that this guy couldn't take the heat. If she hadn't been going through that family situation, would they have survived? Quite possibly! But it all depends on all the stars aligning JUUUUUUST right that sparks fly and marriage becomes a glowing dot on the radar. I used to always cry out - it's a miracle if you find the one!
When I was single, this theory of mine freaked the heck out of me. It was frighteningly daunting to think about my odds of finding love. And now that I am married (and I won the marriage lottery), I realized how so many other things in life are miracles like this. You always hear the cliche "a baby is a miracle." And when I was younger, I always thought that was a bit of a dramatic statement. People have babies everyday. What's so hard about it? But now, as I am older, I hear countless stories of friends who have trouble conceiving, or fears from nervous mothers that their babies will be born with some kind of defect or illness. AGAIN - all the stars have to align perfectly for a baby to be born healthy! A single chromosome can change your life. Everything is so delicately placed into order. Having a baby is seriously a miracle. Having a healthy baby is a miracle on top of a miracle.
As this man spoke about how every once in a while, God reminds him of things to be grateful for, I realized that I want to be that grateful for all my own miracles. It's a miracle that Sy and I found each other and fell in love. It's a miracle that my sister is pregnant! There are so many miracles around us that we never notice bc we don't realize how miraculous it was to make it happen.
I really hope that I don't need a leukemia story of my own to remind me to be grateful every day. Although, I often look at Sy and feel like he is my own miracle reminder when I reflect back on all the heartache I endured. But in the meantime, let's see the miracles in our lives every day!
As he reminisced these feelings of gratitude, it reminded me of my single days. I used to have a "theory" or rather statement that I talked about frequently. When I was single, I strongly felt that finding the one was like witnessing a miracle. So many "stars" have to align for a marriage to happen. 2 people need to meet somehow; and also be at the right point of their lives where they are ready to be in a serious relationship; and both people need to be in the mature mindset to see and accept each other; and both need to get through enough dating without any outside circumstances to get in the way to derail them; and then both need to have families that will help move them along to marriage; and lastly have the financial means to get married.
I guess this is why every person before the one is the wrong one. But it's also based on all these stars aligning. Sy and I often say to each other that if we had met each other years ago, we wouldn't have dated the other. It was only because we were both where we were when we met that we were open to each other. I think about my friend who was madly in love with a guy amidst a terrible family emergency. She was so stressed and emotionally needy that this guy couldn't take the heat. If she hadn't been going through that family situation, would they have survived? Quite possibly! But it all depends on all the stars aligning JUUUUUUST right that sparks fly and marriage becomes a glowing dot on the radar. I used to always cry out - it's a miracle if you find the one!
When I was single, this theory of mine freaked the heck out of me. It was frighteningly daunting to think about my odds of finding love. And now that I am married (and I won the marriage lottery), I realized how so many other things in life are miracles like this. You always hear the cliche "a baby is a miracle." And when I was younger, I always thought that was a bit of a dramatic statement. People have babies everyday. What's so hard about it? But now, as I am older, I hear countless stories of friends who have trouble conceiving, or fears from nervous mothers that their babies will be born with some kind of defect or illness. AGAIN - all the stars have to align perfectly for a baby to be born healthy! A single chromosome can change your life. Everything is so delicately placed into order. Having a baby is seriously a miracle. Having a healthy baby is a miracle on top of a miracle.
As this man spoke about how every once in a while, God reminds him of things to be grateful for, I realized that I want to be that grateful for all my own miracles. It's a miracle that Sy and I found each other and fell in love. It's a miracle that my sister is pregnant! There are so many miracles around us that we never notice bc we don't realize how miraculous it was to make it happen.
I really hope that I don't need a leukemia story of my own to remind me to be grateful every day. Although, I often look at Sy and feel like he is my own miracle reminder when I reflect back on all the heartache I endured. But in the meantime, let's see the miracles in our lives every day!
Monday, February 22, 2016
a new state of being
last week, i went to the New York State DMV to apply for my new driver's license. my nj license was expiring, and i decided that now that i was married, i should probably get a new license with my married home, and stop living under my parents' car insurance. it sounded simple and logical enough, until they made me surrender my NJ license as i requested a new NY license.
i'm not gonna lie - i cried. no, it's not that i'm some kind of drama queen and i cry at the drop of a hat. but i think the deeper symbolism kept eating at my soul. i've had a nj license since i was 16. my identity has always been a nj girl. when i went to boston, i said i was from nj. when i moved to nyc, i kept my nj license as i always considered that my permanent residence. even after 10 years of living in nyc, i feel proud of the fact that i am not a hard, jaded, cynical, rude new yorker; i am a kind, polite, and helpful nj girl who happens to live in nyc but kept her suburban geniality.
but now, my license says i am a new yorker - and that comes with all the implications that you would associate with a new yorker. as i've been given this new title, it means it has stripped away a part of my original identity. a part of who i am has been removed and been replaced with something else. and it's jarring - and also a bit sad. yes, i acknowledge there are great things with being associated as a new yorker. i am associated with being driven, ambitious, street-smart, cultured, fast. but it doesn't change the fact that a part of my identity has been taken away.
i cried a little after the DMV clerk told me i was done, and i'd receive my new license in 2-3 weeks. i didn't even get a chance to look at my license one last time before they threw it away. i wanted a chance to look back on the girl i had been for so long - say goodbye to her.
and the heartbreaking part is, i realized that it's going to be SO much harder when i officially change my name over to my new married name. if i feel like a part of my identity has died just bc i got a new license, i can't even begin to imagine the sorrow i will feel when i lose the name i proudly carried for the last 33 years of my life. people always focus on the wonderful things about marriage, but maybe they deliberately leave out these sad things so as not to scare you off. marriage strips away so many things about yourself. it strips your ability to be selfish, your time, your name, and eventually even my body will be stripped away from me to be given over all for the needs of a baby.
i wish i could've said goodbye to that girl. that 16-33 year old girl who had felt so proud the day she passed her road test. the girl who used to sneak the car out when her parents weren't home to practice k-turns in the street. the girl who used to drive late at night to go get cheese fries with her best friends. the girl who used this ID to buy cigarettes for her underage friends. the girl who put organ donor on her license and then her family made her go and change it out of fear the doctors wouldn't save her life. the girl who kissed secret boyfriends in the safety of her car parked far away from home. i wish i could've said goodbye to this girl and all her memories that one card could hold.
i guess this is all part of the circle of life. we move on to different stages of life, and you have to give up things to gain new things. i would never give up the awesomeness of being married just so i can keep a piece of plastic that says NJ on it. but i think it's given me a new perspective of how much i really cherished who i am and everything it took to get me to be who i am. we can't stay forever frozen in our old selves - we have to keep moving forward - evolving into a better version of ourselves. but at least now, i will be better equipped to treasure every moment bc you never know when you'll already be moving into the next phase.
i'm not gonna lie - i cried. no, it's not that i'm some kind of drama queen and i cry at the drop of a hat. but i think the deeper symbolism kept eating at my soul. i've had a nj license since i was 16. my identity has always been a nj girl. when i went to boston, i said i was from nj. when i moved to nyc, i kept my nj license as i always considered that my permanent residence. even after 10 years of living in nyc, i feel proud of the fact that i am not a hard, jaded, cynical, rude new yorker; i am a kind, polite, and helpful nj girl who happens to live in nyc but kept her suburban geniality.
but now, my license says i am a new yorker - and that comes with all the implications that you would associate with a new yorker. as i've been given this new title, it means it has stripped away a part of my original identity. a part of who i am has been removed and been replaced with something else. and it's jarring - and also a bit sad. yes, i acknowledge there are great things with being associated as a new yorker. i am associated with being driven, ambitious, street-smart, cultured, fast. but it doesn't change the fact that a part of my identity has been taken away.
i cried a little after the DMV clerk told me i was done, and i'd receive my new license in 2-3 weeks. i didn't even get a chance to look at my license one last time before they threw it away. i wanted a chance to look back on the girl i had been for so long - say goodbye to her.
and the heartbreaking part is, i realized that it's going to be SO much harder when i officially change my name over to my new married name. if i feel like a part of my identity has died just bc i got a new license, i can't even begin to imagine the sorrow i will feel when i lose the name i proudly carried for the last 33 years of my life. people always focus on the wonderful things about marriage, but maybe they deliberately leave out these sad things so as not to scare you off. marriage strips away so many things about yourself. it strips your ability to be selfish, your time, your name, and eventually even my body will be stripped away from me to be given over all for the needs of a baby.
i wish i could've said goodbye to that girl. that 16-33 year old girl who had felt so proud the day she passed her road test. the girl who used to sneak the car out when her parents weren't home to practice k-turns in the street. the girl who used to drive late at night to go get cheese fries with her best friends. the girl who used this ID to buy cigarettes for her underage friends. the girl who put organ donor on her license and then her family made her go and change it out of fear the doctors wouldn't save her life. the girl who kissed secret boyfriends in the safety of her car parked far away from home. i wish i could've said goodbye to this girl and all her memories that one card could hold.
i guess this is all part of the circle of life. we move on to different stages of life, and you have to give up things to gain new things. i would never give up the awesomeness of being married just so i can keep a piece of plastic that says NJ on it. but i think it's given me a new perspective of how much i really cherished who i am and everything it took to get me to be who i am. we can't stay forever frozen in our old selves - we have to keep moving forward - evolving into a better version of ourselves. but at least now, i will be better equipped to treasure every moment bc you never know when you'll already be moving into the next phase.
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Never second best
Sy and I were at church last Sunday, and the sermon talked about how in life, you need to have a "right" relationship with everything in order for things to be good. Take your apt - you have a contract with your landlord stating these are the things I will do to be a good tenant, and you will do to be a good landlord. As long as everyone abides by these relationship guidelines, then you will get to live in an apt with no fear of eviction. Same with your job - you have a contract with your boss that you will do x,y,z tasks and you get to keep your job. When you start to not live up to these guidelines or expectations, then the relationship starts to crumble. You could lose your job, you could lose a friend, you could lose your spouse.
The pastor said that in our world, we bring our righteousness to people and ask them to see us as worthy. I show my landlord my financial credentials and he deems me worthy to live in the building. I show my resume to HR and they deem me worthy to work here. I show people my personality and they deem me worthy to be a friend.
We spend all our time trying to measure up. Me, especially - the chronic people pleaser - I am constantly trying to measure up to being the best. I work so hard to be the best sister, the best daughter, the best friend, the best employee, have the best body, have the best material belongings, everything the best. And now, my 4 newest measuring sticks - being the best wife, be the best daughter in law, be the best sister in law, be the best host, be the best cook - it's exhausting!
And then the pastor pointed out that God is the only one we don't have to bring our righteousness to - we don't have to ask Him to deem us worthy or not. He brought His righteousness to me, and then made me righteous. While I sat there and absorbed this thought - I realized what a comfort this is. I'm internally very tired a lot because of all the people pleasing that I do - and all for what? I'm not the best employee, I'm not the best cook, I'm still trying to figure out how to be a good wife, and I'm certainly not winning at the daughter-in-law of the year award! So when I think about how with God, I don't have to try - He already accepts me and loves me and finds me perfect - that is a huge weight off my shoulders.
I think I've spent these first few months of marriage thinking about what I can do better, what Sy can do better, how to make my life better - but I forgot to take a minute to think about how God has loved me. And with Him - I don't have to constantly be trying to make a better version of me bc maybe He'll leave me. He loves me as is, and only wants the best version of me bc that would be best for me - not bc He will score me against some invisible social ruler.
What a sense of relief that is! It's nice to not be measured but just embraced.
The pastor said that in our world, we bring our righteousness to people and ask them to see us as worthy. I show my landlord my financial credentials and he deems me worthy to live in the building. I show my resume to HR and they deem me worthy to work here. I show people my personality and they deem me worthy to be a friend.
We spend all our time trying to measure up. Me, especially - the chronic people pleaser - I am constantly trying to measure up to being the best. I work so hard to be the best sister, the best daughter, the best friend, the best employee, have the best body, have the best material belongings, everything the best. And now, my 4 newest measuring sticks - being the best wife, be the best daughter in law, be the best sister in law, be the best host, be the best cook - it's exhausting!
And then the pastor pointed out that God is the only one we don't have to bring our righteousness to - we don't have to ask Him to deem us worthy or not. He brought His righteousness to me, and then made me righteous. While I sat there and absorbed this thought - I realized what a comfort this is. I'm internally very tired a lot because of all the people pleasing that I do - and all for what? I'm not the best employee, I'm not the best cook, I'm still trying to figure out how to be a good wife, and I'm certainly not winning at the daughter-in-law of the year award! So when I think about how with God, I don't have to try - He already accepts me and loves me and finds me perfect - that is a huge weight off my shoulders.
I think I've spent these first few months of marriage thinking about what I can do better, what Sy can do better, how to make my life better - but I forgot to take a minute to think about how God has loved me. And with Him - I don't have to constantly be trying to make a better version of me bc maybe He'll leave me. He loves me as is, and only wants the best version of me bc that would be best for me - not bc He will score me against some invisible social ruler.
What a sense of relief that is! It's nice to not be measured but just embraced.
Friday, January 8, 2016
Chips and grat...itude
Happy new year everyone!
The holidays were a crazy whirlwind of celebrating, hosting, cooking, shopping, and being exhausted all at the same time. I think the holidays really show you how much you're married bc you suddenly have twice the number of things to do. 2 thanksgivings, 2 Christmases, 2 new year's day. Suddenly my holidays are less about me and more about other people. I don't mind it all that much. I think it was just a shocker that gone are the days where I get to be a lazy kid or young adult where my parents love to pamper me. Once you get married, suddenly, you're an adult and now you have to act like it. It's a shocker! I wish someone had warned me about this!
A lot of things happened over the holiday break, but I wanted to start off this new year with a happy memory. Sy and I love chips. We could eat them all the time. But one of our favorite things to do is sit on the couch and eat chips together as we watch tv/movies. Usually, we are bundled up under the blanket and our arms are tucked into the warmth of our body heat. But usually one of us will sacrificially feed the other one chips. It's a flawless routine. I put one chip in my mouth, give him a chip while I chew on my own. He chews on his own while I feed myself another chip and the cycle continues. To be honest, it's a little annoying to feed him chips. My arm gets tired, my whole limb gets cold bc it's not protected by blanket, and I'm the one who ends up with a chip-encrusted hand. But there's something very satisfying about feeding him. There's a joy in knowing I'm sparing him of the annoyance of this task. There's also a contentment in the cyclical chewing that makes me feel like we are super in sync. And then, when he feeds me doritos and I get to enjoy being the receiver, man, is it glorious to have all my limbs warm and all I have to do is open my mouth and in pops another bite of deliciousness. No work - just pure joy.
It's such a small act of kindness and love. And it's often so forgettable, so mundane. But it's sweet and tender. I hope that even when we're 80, we'll still be doing this. But maybe with like prunes or whatever else old people eat. Who knows? Heck, maybe we'll still be eating doritos as an 80 year old couple! I actually think that would be rather cute!
Here's to cool ranch doritos and sour cream and onion potato chips - 2 of our all-time faves. May there be many more years of this.
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