Last week, Emily had a few really hard days. For 3 days, she had
such a hard time sleeping. I was constantly going to her and trying to
put her back to sleep. It felt very reminiscent of her awful 6 weeks
period. I woke up in the mornings with my old aches and pains in my
thumb, wrist, elbows, knees, and feet again. I was super miserable and
cried a lot.
But then Emily cleared up and became her
normal sleeping self again! It made me wonder - was it because she had
had such a hard Father's Day? Was it that it was just taking her really
long to re-adjust back to normal? If that is the case, then man, I never want to take her out again! It was the hardest 3 days!
A
cute thing I noticed about Emily last week was that whenever Emily gets
startled, she looks at me. I was feeding Emily, and had her sitting on
my propped-up legs. When my foot lost its grip, it slipped an inch and
Emily was moved suddenly while having her milk. She immediately got a
scared/startled look on her face and gripped my finger tightly in her
hands. At first, I thought it was so cute to see her get startled. But
then I realized that she looks to me to reassure her that she's safe.
Even when we go out for our daily stroll, if she ever hears loud noises
like a fire truck or a loud motorcycle, she looks at me with her
frightened eyes, and I smile down at her to say It's okay! Nothing to be scared of!
and she calms back down. It's cool to know that she trusts me. If I
say it's okay, then she knows she's safe. If I'm calm, she can be
calm. I hope Emily knows that I will always keep her safe and I will
always protect her.
This past weekend, Sy went to Vegas
and I was with Emily all day and all night by myself for 2.5 days. I
was nervous about it because I wasn't sure how I would handle the lack
of relief Sy brings when he comes home from work or is home for the
weekend. Could I really be a solo parent with no breaks? Well... I did
it! It was pretty exhausting with no one to tag me out when I got
tired. It made me wonder how single parents do it - or how anyone
achieves raising a child with no help whatsoever. If I didn't have
friends come and visit me throughout the weekend, I think I would've
gone crazy with the lack of adult conversation. I mean, I love Emily,
but she is not really the best conversationalist.
I'm
starting to think that Emily needs to be sleep trained. After the 3
days of really hard put-downs for naps, I started feeling like Emily
needs to learn how to sleep by herself. It was too hard on me to keep
going through 15-20 min of intense rocking every 30 min. When I talked
about it with my sister-in-law, she said that sleep training is
important bc this is a life skill she will use for the rest of her
life. She needs to learn how to sleep and fall back asleep on her own.
She can't rely on me forever. When I heard it from this perspective, I
knew she was right. I just don't have the confidence that I can sleep
train her by myself. I can't handle all the crying. I'm going to need
Sy to help keep me calm and not want to run in there and rescue her.
It'll be glorious when we successfully train her, but it's going to be
so painful getting there. Man, I hope she learns quickly - more for my
sake than hers!
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
Tuesday, June 19, 2018
The many meanings of UGHH - Week 17 Observations
Last week felt like all of a sudden, Emily turned into a big girl. It was surprising to see all her new developments!
Sy and I noticed that Emily now grunts when she poos! When she's trying to get some poop out, she legit goes ughhhhh as she pushes it out! We find it so funny and cute! She'll be drinking from her bottle, and then she'll stop drinking and start making those grunting noises. At first, we didn't know what to make of it. Was she unhappy with the food? Was she tired? Did she need to burp? And then we finally figured out the grunting came right before a poo came out! She's legitimately turning into a regular person who needs to push out her poo. It no longer just comes out unconsciously. When did she turn into an adult??
Another new development - Emily so far has never really been one to put stuff in her mouth. She mainly eats her own fist and fingers, but never really had a desire to put anything else in there. But just last week, she tried to eat the hanging mirror on her play gym! She was trying to bite it, lick it, put as much of it into her mouth! I was so surprised! Interestingly, that's the only thing she wants to eat so far. Doesn't put anything else in there. It'll be cute to see her put other objects in her mouth.
We also discovered that Emily has learned how to move herself! When you put her down in her crib to watch her mobile, when I go to check in on her about 15 min later, I'll find her perpendicular to where I had originally laid her down. It's so fascinating to know she figured out how to maneuver herself! I tried to watch her do it once through the monitor, but each movement is so subtle, so slight that you don't realize she's moving at all. Until all of a sudden you check, and bam! - she's moved 90 degrees! Good thing she's in her crib. We now know we can't trust her to lay still if we put her on the couch or bed.
Putting Emily down for naps is continuing to be difficult. The new thing now is that she whines as you rock her to sleep. It's this very obvious whine (different from a cry) that is loud and very vocal. You can tell she's tired bc she will have her eyes closed the whole time, or she'll have very heavy eyelids. And yet, she is just moaning and groaning and whining the whole time in this deep-sounding sorrow/annoyance. I find the whines pretty funny and I have to hide my laughter and smiles.
This weekend was Father's Day. We had a pretty busy Saturday as we had to go to NJ to celebrate with my family, and then go to Long Island to celebrate with Sy's family. Poor Emily had a really rough day. She hates the car, so she cried pretty much the entire hour drive to NJ. So she didn't nap during the car, and then she couldn't sleep at my parents' place bc it was just too loud for her. And then she didn't sleep in the hour car ride back to our house. So she finally slept for about 50 min at home before we went back out to Long Island, in which she didn't sleep for that car ride, and then stayed up all the way to her last feeding of the day. She was so exhausted and slept for an hour. But then she woke up again and we brought her outside to hang out by the campfire at 9pm. I was so worried about her not getting enough sleep, but she survived. We got home and put her to sleep around 10pm, and the poor girl must have been so tired that she was cranky all day Sunday. I seriously wonder if Emily hates the weekends bc we put her through so much annoyance and disturbance to her routine on the weekends. Does she feel angry at us for making her do things she doesn't want to do when all she wants is to just go home and be in her own home and take naps at the proper times? We're very sorry Emily. We hope you understand when you're older that your parents just have busy schedules.
I can't believe June is already coming to an end soon. How does time go by so fast? Each day feels so long, but the weeks fly by. Time slow down!
Sy and I noticed that Emily now grunts when she poos! When she's trying to get some poop out, she legit goes ughhhhh as she pushes it out! We find it so funny and cute! She'll be drinking from her bottle, and then she'll stop drinking and start making those grunting noises. At first, we didn't know what to make of it. Was she unhappy with the food? Was she tired? Did she need to burp? And then we finally figured out the grunting came right before a poo came out! She's legitimately turning into a regular person who needs to push out her poo. It no longer just comes out unconsciously. When did she turn into an adult??
Another new development - Emily so far has never really been one to put stuff in her mouth. She mainly eats her own fist and fingers, but never really had a desire to put anything else in there. But just last week, she tried to eat the hanging mirror on her play gym! She was trying to bite it, lick it, put as much of it into her mouth! I was so surprised! Interestingly, that's the only thing she wants to eat so far. Doesn't put anything else in there. It'll be cute to see her put other objects in her mouth.
We also discovered that Emily has learned how to move herself! When you put her down in her crib to watch her mobile, when I go to check in on her about 15 min later, I'll find her perpendicular to where I had originally laid her down. It's so fascinating to know she figured out how to maneuver herself! I tried to watch her do it once through the monitor, but each movement is so subtle, so slight that you don't realize she's moving at all. Until all of a sudden you check, and bam! - she's moved 90 degrees! Good thing she's in her crib. We now know we can't trust her to lay still if we put her on the couch or bed.
Putting Emily down for naps is continuing to be difficult. The new thing now is that she whines as you rock her to sleep. It's this very obvious whine (different from a cry) that is loud and very vocal. You can tell she's tired bc she will have her eyes closed the whole time, or she'll have very heavy eyelids. And yet, she is just moaning and groaning and whining the whole time in this deep-sounding sorrow/annoyance. I find the whines pretty funny and I have to hide my laughter and smiles.
This weekend was Father's Day. We had a pretty busy Saturday as we had to go to NJ to celebrate with my family, and then go to Long Island to celebrate with Sy's family. Poor Emily had a really rough day. She hates the car, so she cried pretty much the entire hour drive to NJ. So she didn't nap during the car, and then she couldn't sleep at my parents' place bc it was just too loud for her. And then she didn't sleep in the hour car ride back to our house. So she finally slept for about 50 min at home before we went back out to Long Island, in which she didn't sleep for that car ride, and then stayed up all the way to her last feeding of the day. She was so exhausted and slept for an hour. But then she woke up again and we brought her outside to hang out by the campfire at 9pm. I was so worried about her not getting enough sleep, but she survived. We got home and put her to sleep around 10pm, and the poor girl must have been so tired that she was cranky all day Sunday. I seriously wonder if Emily hates the weekends bc we put her through so much annoyance and disturbance to her routine on the weekends. Does she feel angry at us for making her do things she doesn't want to do when all she wants is to just go home and be in her own home and take naps at the proper times? We're very sorry Emily. We hope you understand when you're older that your parents just have busy schedules.
I can't believe June is already coming to an end soon. How does time go by so fast? Each day feels so long, but the weeks fly by. Time slow down!
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
First laughs and cries - Week 16 Observations
It's been quite a week for our little Emily. We got to hear Emily's first laugh! It was so adorable to hear her laugh and see her joyful face. Man, I thought it was so cute to see her smile, but to hear a laugh accompany it is just pure bliss. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does happen, it feels like such a treat! She's such a happy baby! I love her so much! I can't wait for her laughs to become more regular and we can figure out exactly what makes her laugh so we can do it over and over. I want to make her as happy as she can be. =D
In terms of sleep, Emily has regressed a bit with her naps. She's grown difficult to put down for naps again - where it involves more than 5 min of rocking. I had gotten used to that easy put down for a few weeks, so now that I have to do 10-15 min again, it is exhausting. I guess she is hitting the dreaded 4 month sleep regression. It stinks, but hopefully we will get through it without too many middle-of-the-night wake ups.
Emily may also be going through another growth spurt. It seems like overnight, all of a sudden, none of her clothes fit! Clothes that fit fine just last week now are snug or too small all together! I've spent the past few days wrapping up all her 0-3 month clothes and trying to find 3-6 months clothes. I don't know why it has hit me so hard - but I feel very sad that my baby is growing so fast. When she went from newborn to size 0-3, I was proud of her growth. But now, I feel so sad that she is growing up in the blink of an eye! I think now that my maternity leave is more than halfway done, the looming fact that I will be leaving her keeps causing me to feel sad and helpless.
In that vein - this past Friday, Sy and I left Emily for the first time. We had to go to my friend's wedding, and Sy's mom had agreed to babysit Emily. When I first rsvp'ed to this wedding, I had thought that it would be a welcome date night for me and Sy. But as the weeks crept closer to the wedding, I grew more and more apprehensive. I realized that this would be the first time that Emily would be without either of her parents and I worried that she wouldn't be okay. Not that I don't believe Sy's mom could do the job - I was worried about how Emily would feel. Would she look around the room and realize that her mom and dad weren't there? Would she get freaked out? What if she cried bc we weren't there? Or what about when she slept? She's never had anyone else put her down to sleep. Would she be able to fall asleep without us? Or would she just cry and cry and not sleep at all? I worried for her lack of sleep; I worried for Sy's mom's sanity in case she just cried for hours. What would happen? And as I tried to put her down for one last nap before I left for the wedding, I cried big, rolling tears as I worried about her. I didn't want her to feel anything negative. So when we left, I kissed her goodbye and couldn't stop crying. Sy's family all laughed at me as they watched me cry over leaving for just a few hours. I imagine I should've been excited to get a night off, but I was so nervous for her! Eventually, I got over my apprehension as we drove further and further away from Emily. Sy had to remind me that no matter how bad it was that night, it was just 1 night, and Emily would be fine and survive. And the good news is - she was fine! Apparently, she did not cry looking for us. She did have trouble sleeping though. Sy's mom had to go in every 30-40 min to rock her back to sleep - when normally Emily stops waking up after an hour. Sy's mom speculated that she knew that her parents were missing and things were not the same and had trouble sleeping bc of it. I'm glad that it wasn't worse! Hopefully this is good practice as we have another wedding to go in a few weeks.
It's been quite a week - so much joy and so many tears all in the same week. Leaving Emily really makes me know how much I love that little girl. She's my baby and now I know that when I go back to work, I will be a complete and utter wreck. Time - please stop flying by!
In terms of sleep, Emily has regressed a bit with her naps. She's grown difficult to put down for naps again - where it involves more than 5 min of rocking. I had gotten used to that easy put down for a few weeks, so now that I have to do 10-15 min again, it is exhausting. I guess she is hitting the dreaded 4 month sleep regression. It stinks, but hopefully we will get through it without too many middle-of-the-night wake ups.
Emily may also be going through another growth spurt. It seems like overnight, all of a sudden, none of her clothes fit! Clothes that fit fine just last week now are snug or too small all together! I've spent the past few days wrapping up all her 0-3 month clothes and trying to find 3-6 months clothes. I don't know why it has hit me so hard - but I feel very sad that my baby is growing so fast. When she went from newborn to size 0-3, I was proud of her growth. But now, I feel so sad that she is growing up in the blink of an eye! I think now that my maternity leave is more than halfway done, the looming fact that I will be leaving her keeps causing me to feel sad and helpless.
In that vein - this past Friday, Sy and I left Emily for the first time. We had to go to my friend's wedding, and Sy's mom had agreed to babysit Emily. When I first rsvp'ed to this wedding, I had thought that it would be a welcome date night for me and Sy. But as the weeks crept closer to the wedding, I grew more and more apprehensive. I realized that this would be the first time that Emily would be without either of her parents and I worried that she wouldn't be okay. Not that I don't believe Sy's mom could do the job - I was worried about how Emily would feel. Would she look around the room and realize that her mom and dad weren't there? Would she get freaked out? What if she cried bc we weren't there? Or what about when she slept? She's never had anyone else put her down to sleep. Would she be able to fall asleep without us? Or would she just cry and cry and not sleep at all? I worried for her lack of sleep; I worried for Sy's mom's sanity in case she just cried for hours. What would happen? And as I tried to put her down for one last nap before I left for the wedding, I cried big, rolling tears as I worried about her. I didn't want her to feel anything negative. So when we left, I kissed her goodbye and couldn't stop crying. Sy's family all laughed at me as they watched me cry over leaving for just a few hours. I imagine I should've been excited to get a night off, but I was so nervous for her! Eventually, I got over my apprehension as we drove further and further away from Emily. Sy had to remind me that no matter how bad it was that night, it was just 1 night, and Emily would be fine and survive. And the good news is - she was fine! Apparently, she did not cry looking for us. She did have trouble sleeping though. Sy's mom had to go in every 30-40 min to rock her back to sleep - when normally Emily stops waking up after an hour. Sy's mom speculated that she knew that her parents were missing and things were not the same and had trouble sleeping bc of it. I'm glad that it wasn't worse! Hopefully this is good practice as we have another wedding to go in a few weeks.
It's been quite a week - so much joy and so many tears all in the same week. Leaving Emily really makes me know how much I love that little girl. She's my baby and now I know that when I go back to work, I will be a complete and utter wreck. Time - please stop flying by!
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
Brunch Excursions - Week 15 Observations
Not many updates for this week! Emily has been about the same - she's still suffering from her teething discomfort, still waking up periodically in the middle of the night, and still the same sweet girl that she is.
Poor Emily has been suffering from busy weekends since May. She has not had a single weekend that was just the 3 of us since April. I bet she must hate the weekends - she doesn't get as much sleep, and she gets schlepped around outside of her familiar house. What a pain!
This weekend, we had brunch with Sy's cousins at a restaurant. Man, that was an interesting experience. Try seating 6 adults, a 5 year old, a 2 year old, a 7 month old and a 4 month old. We were lucky that the restaurant was empty bc we took up the entire back space with the kids running around, our 2 strollers parked next to us, and 2 car seats taking up the booth.
Emily still hasn't mastered the ability to hang out with us at a restaurant. So when she got overtired bc she was way past her nap, she started to get really cranky. I ended up holding her, and gently rocking her back and forth while I tried to continue to engage in conversation with the cousins and take bites of food. After a little while, Emily fell asleep in my arms. This happens very rarely - where Emily will be so tired that she will fall asleep without her usual routine at home. But when it does happen, I find it to be one of the sweetest things. Here she is, so exhausted, and will gladly just sleep in my arms. Sy thinks that she wouldn't do that in his arms - no matter how tired she was. And if that really is true, then how beautiful is that? Her mama's arms are her comfort and safety. One day, Emily will be too big/old to fall asleep in my arms like this. For now, I will embrace it (no pun intended) and cherish it. After she fell asleep, I very gently put her down into her car seat. She didn't last very long staying asleep bc there were too many noises to keep her awake. But at least she got a 10 minute cat nap.
On a side note, we changed Emily's diaper for the first time in the trunk of our car. Emily pooped her diaper while at the restaurant, and I discovered there was no changing table in the bathroom. How on earth were we supposed to change her diaper?? So we went to the car and changed her there, and it was so difficult to do! I'm too short for Sy's car. So my back was hurting as I was tippy toeing to bend over Emily. It was a really hot and humid day, so I was dripping in sweat. On top of that, Emily hadn't pooped in 2 days, so she did a massive poop. It was a hot mess - literally.
There should be some kind of law that states that all bathrooms must have a changing table. Don't babies deserve a clean place to be able to have their diapers changed? I read a few posts online about stories of no changing tables, and 1 person changed his baby's diaper on the bathroom floor. How disgusting is that?? I can't even imagine how many horrific germs were on the floor centimeters away from the baby's face. Eugh. America seriously needs so much reform when it comes to children - maternity/paternity leave, bathrooms, etc! I hope we never have to be in this kind of situation again!
Poor Emily has been suffering from busy weekends since May. She has not had a single weekend that was just the 3 of us since April. I bet she must hate the weekends - she doesn't get as much sleep, and she gets schlepped around outside of her familiar house. What a pain!
This weekend, we had brunch with Sy's cousins at a restaurant. Man, that was an interesting experience. Try seating 6 adults, a 5 year old, a 2 year old, a 7 month old and a 4 month old. We were lucky that the restaurant was empty bc we took up the entire back space with the kids running around, our 2 strollers parked next to us, and 2 car seats taking up the booth.
Emily still hasn't mastered the ability to hang out with us at a restaurant. So when she got overtired bc she was way past her nap, she started to get really cranky. I ended up holding her, and gently rocking her back and forth while I tried to continue to engage in conversation with the cousins and take bites of food. After a little while, Emily fell asleep in my arms. This happens very rarely - where Emily will be so tired that she will fall asleep without her usual routine at home. But when it does happen, I find it to be one of the sweetest things. Here she is, so exhausted, and will gladly just sleep in my arms. Sy thinks that she wouldn't do that in his arms - no matter how tired she was. And if that really is true, then how beautiful is that? Her mama's arms are her comfort and safety. One day, Emily will be too big/old to fall asleep in my arms like this. For now, I will embrace it (no pun intended) and cherish it. After she fell asleep, I very gently put her down into her car seat. She didn't last very long staying asleep bc there were too many noises to keep her awake. But at least she got a 10 minute cat nap.
On a side note, we changed Emily's diaper for the first time in the trunk of our car. Emily pooped her diaper while at the restaurant, and I discovered there was no changing table in the bathroom. How on earth were we supposed to change her diaper?? So we went to the car and changed her there, and it was so difficult to do! I'm too short for Sy's car. So my back was hurting as I was tippy toeing to bend over Emily. It was a really hot and humid day, so I was dripping in sweat. On top of that, Emily hadn't pooped in 2 days, so she did a massive poop. It was a hot mess - literally.
There should be some kind of law that states that all bathrooms must have a changing table. Don't babies deserve a clean place to be able to have their diapers changed? I read a few posts online about stories of no changing tables, and 1 person changed his baby's diaper on the bathroom floor. How disgusting is that?? I can't even imagine how many horrific germs were on the floor centimeters away from the baby's face. Eugh. America seriously needs so much reform when it comes to children - maternity/paternity leave, bathrooms, etc! I hope we never have to be in this kind of situation again!
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