Every morning, on my walk to work, I always pass by a man wearing a sign on his body, as he calls out to the cranky pedestrians on the sidewalk to get a massage or spa treatment at the store above. I always ignore his advertisements and try not to make eye contact. To me, he is just a nuisance on a crowded sidewalk as I try to navigate my way through tourists to start another day of work. I'm always unhappy in the mornings as I walk to work because I dread going to the office.
But this morning, as I walked on my less-crowded sidewalk (thanks to the empty-ing out of humans in nyc in the holiday season), I found that man sitting inside a deli. He was resting on a chair, gloomily looking out the window. I wondered why he was sitting in there, and I quickly realized that he must have been cold and tired and wanted a short respite. And as I walked past him, again dreading my work day, I thought about how much it must suck to have this job. To be outside day in and day out, whether it's blistering cold or unbearably hot, spritzy rain or gusty wind, he is out there getting ignored by a city of apathetic and grumpy individuals.
I suddenly got a flashback of my weekend. I was at a diner with Julia and Dennis, and Dennis asked me how my job was. I answered, "It's okay." Perhaps this wasn't the answer that Dennis was expecting to hear, and he asked, "You're not enjoying your job?" And I looked at him wearily, and said, "Not really. It's just my job. Pays the bills. It's fine." He then gave me a look - a look of Wow, I don't know how to respond to that. I didn't feel an ounce of guilt for my comment. It was the truth; it was how I felt.
So as I pushed through the turnstile to my building, I thought about much I normally dread work, but what a fool I am for being such an ungrateful brat. I could be doing this man's job - but I'm not. I'm sitting in my warm office, surfing jcrew.com, drinking my free tea and eating my free bagel. I'm not being subjected to the whim of the weather, I'm listening to my spotify playlist. I'm not running my voice ragged asking people to go get a massage - I'm gchatting with Sy. What a brat I have been. I have been so bitter at my job for months now. Sure, I have reason to be bitter - but is it necessary for me to be so thankless?
I'm glad that I have been awoken from my self-centered stupor. But I hope I don't slip back into a self-indulgent flood. Friends - help remind me to be in awe of all the blessings I have. I want to see the world again through fresh eyes.
