Pregnancy changes everything about you. Every day, I notice different and new things changing about my body. But the biggest change (at least for me) is the weight gain.
I feel like I've spent the majority of my late adulthood trying to manage my weight. I've always been either dieting to some degree or not dieting and ballooning into an oompa loompa. When Sy and I got engaged, I went into hardcore diet mode to look amazing for our wedding day. But as a result, as soon as it was the day after our wedding, I went into chips and ice cream every day mode, and then gained 18 pounds in our first year of marriage. (EEK! Haha!) I spent the first half of year 2 of marriage losing that weight, and then I got pregnant.
During the first trimester, I lost 3 lbs from morning sickness. So I really did not look pregnant at all. If anything, I was getting closer and closer to my original wedding day weight! I was loving it! (even though I was so nauseous) But once the morning sickness was over, and then I started to enjoy food again, the pounds started coming.
I must say - pregnancy is nice bc it's the first time in my life where I'm not on a diet and I'm eating whatever I want (to a degree) and not feeling any guilt. Yes, I went through my phases where I let myself go, but it always came with a side of guilt. But this time around, it's been glorious bc I don't have to feel bad about eating an extra helping of mashed potatoes! I lost weight! I was in the negative and I needed to make up for lost time!
But nowadays, as the baby is growing exponentially faster, it's really freaking me out to see the scale go up so quickly. In the past 4 weeks, I've gained 6 lbs. And instead of watching my scale go steadily down, it's been alarming to see it go steadily up - pound by pound. And while I know that this is a good thing - that baby girl is growing and getting stronger, it's just so counter-intuitive to what I'm used to. I'm used to counting calories to make sure I don't eat too much. Now I count calories to make sure baby's gotten enough to eat. Instead of eating until I still felt a little hungry, I now don't let myself get hungry bc it could bring back the nausea.
Yesterday, I had a moment of sadness as I realized my waist has disappeared. What used to be an hourglass is now just a rectangle of body mass bc my baby bump has gotten significantly bigger. I think my butt has expanded to accommodate the bigger belly, and it was surprising! I know I'm only going to get bigger - but man, is it unnerving! I know I also lean towards being obsessive about my weight, but it just makes you realize how much sacrifice we make for our children. I love this baby girl so much, but she is legit taking over my body. And I'm giving up my body, my self-confidence, my eating habits, my entire being for her - and she's not even here yet! I can't even imagine what other aspects of my life I'm going to sacrifice for her. It's hard to let go of yourself - bc it's all I've ever known. But this is adulthood - this is parenthood - this is love.
Baby girl - I hope you're enjoying mama's body. Because I wouldn't do this for anyone else. =)
