yesterday, while i was at old navy, i saw 2 police officers walking with 2 teenage girls. when they passed me by, i saw that the 2 girls were handcuffed. it was quite shocking for me. i've never actually seen someone up close handcuffed and being taken out by police, and also, i was rather frightened by the fact that they were mere inches from me, and could've attacked me if they had wanted to.
but what really surprised me were the girls' expressions. when they had passed me by, i had looked straight into their eyes. i had expected to see fear in their eyes, but instead, all i saw was some form of extreme annoyance or anger. there was not a single ounce of remorse in their faces - only a grimace.
i couldn't help but remember my own childhood. i'm ashamed to admit this, but when i was an adolescent, i used to have a stealing problem. i only stole small things, but there was a reason to that. whenever i stood in front of the object i wanted to steal, worst-case scenarios always played through my head. i imagined getting caught by the store, and then the police coming and handcuffing me and hauling me away in a police car, where i'd have to sit in a jail cell, surrounded by other criminals, and then have to shamefully call my parents with a quarter, and explain to them what i had done - all for what? a small tube of nail polish. in those moments of being paralyzed with fear of my vivid imaginations, i always wavered between what i should do and what i wanted to do. and sometimes, my fear would prevent me from stealing. i always thought that if i DID get caught stealing, the police would drag me out of there crying and begging for mercy.
but these girls did not. i stood there, watching the girls walk away with their hands handcuffed behind them, with the police with a strong grip on their arms, and there were no tears falling down their faces. there was no screaming for mercy. why were they so angry? were they just annoyed for getting caught? why didn't they feel scared about spending a night in jail?
i stood there for a while, (unable to shop) wondering what was the difference between me and those girls. why did we have such different reactions? and the only thing i could think of was Jesus. i knew what was wrong and right, and i knew that i didn't want to face judgment from my parents, the law, and my Father, and i knew that i didn't want to jeopardize my spot in heaven for a measly tube of lip gloss. but maybe these girls didn't know Jesus. maybe they didn't feel like they had anything to lose if they disobeyed the law. maybe they didn't know what it felt like to feel the disappointment of the ones who love you and believe in you.
it reminded me of the past few nights in my apt. one of my roommates is really into this show called "celebrity rehab with dr. drew." and after every episode she watches, she always comes running into our rooms exclaiming how these people need Jesus so badly. that their lives would be so much less disastrous if they only knew and felt the love of God in their lives. how different would our world be if we all did? would there even be a show called celebrity rehab if we all had God as our best buddy?
man, i forget what the world is like sometimes b/c i'm so involved in my christian church bubble. i forget sometimes that there are REAL people out there who are so broken or so unaware of all that God can offer. how much better is a spot in heaven than to steal a pair of jeans from old navy? how much better is the peace of God compared to a shot of heroin?
who would've thought a quick stop in old navy would've been this eye-opening? =)
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
2009 - a year in recap
hi all!
long time no post! this entry is a little late - but i've been suffering/recovering from food poisoning, so it's been delayed a few days. haha.
since the last week of december to now, i've been thinking a lot about 2009. was it a good year? was it a bad year? am i looking forward to 2010? to be honest - i actually was NOT looking forward to 2010 b/c i felt like there were no good things to look forward to, b/c there weren't any definite good things that i knew were going to happen in the coming year. and b/c i'm still attending the wounds of 2009, i just wasn't seeing the rainbow to my hope.
so i said, mia - it's time you think about 2009 really carefully. was it really all that bad? i bet u can think of SOME good things about 2009. and so i did. i made a list of all the memorable things of 2009 - good and bad. here we go!
bad memories:
1. going to the dentist every weekend for 3 months to get 2 root canals. eek! those were some unpleasant weekends of having a sore mouth. haha, and man, for 3 months, i could only eat on one side of my mouth at a time. that made my slow-eating habits even slower!
2. going to the gym for what seemed like an eternity in order to get hot for bryan/carol's wedding. (which didn't even work in the end!!) man, i hate the gym. the smell, the sights, the routine-ness of it all - it reminds me of prison! i also did not enjoy eating so many salads. haha.
3. moving out of my briarwood studio. that was such a sad time! i lived in that studio for 3 years, and i was finally leaving it to move closer to walter, closer to work, and cheap rent. it was so, so hard for me to say goodbye. i loved that apt! it was so cute and mia-esque! i cried a lot as i locked my door for the last time.
4. FLEAS. eugh... just thinking about it makes me cranky. man, going through something like eradicating a flea situation is so hard on your patience and overall outlook on life. going home every night, knowing and seeing the fleas jump around on my bed was horrible. washing all my clothes every weekend was ridiculously annoying and time-consuming and expensive. cleaning the house from head to toe was exhausting and frustrating b/c there seemed to be no fruit from it. the fleas would still be there, and we would continue our endless misery. man, i wish fleas upon no one. and if i ever see my exterminator again, i will give him a BIG HUG for bringing joy back into my life. ahh, pesticides - how i love you.
5. and the worst memory of all - my awful work situation from june - oct. it was a long time for me to be so miserable at work. sigh. all the crying and stress is still so fresh in my mind. it was so painful for me to try to be faithful in truly believing that God had a purpose for this - and that it would eventually come to an end. man, i was such an unpleasant person during those months. if u looked up the word debbie downer in the dictionary - u'd see my picture. the only plus to this whole awfulness was how much weight i lost due to stress. i finally got down to my original weight, and my clothes fit again! haha. sigh - not eating for a few months will do that to u.
u may be saying to yourself - dang, mia had a rough year. and yes, yes she did. but here's what made 2009 good!
1. the awesomeness called Lost. haha, walter and i watched Lost seasons 2-present all in the span of a few short months. it was glorious. i couldn't stop watching. sure, we didn't see sunlight much on the weekends, but whatever. i couldn't tear myself away from the juiciness of all that this crazy island brings.
2. wedding videographer - stillmotion. man, they changed my life. after i saw their amazing talent, it opened doors to my imagination and gave me a renewed passion for romance and love. hahaha. u guys have no idea how many wedding videos i watched and teared up to.
3. new roommates. having lived alone for 3 years made me quite wary of living with roommates again. i wasn't sure if i could do it - let alone if i would like it. i quite enjoyed having my privacy, my ability to walk around in my underwear if i pleased, and to be able to sing at the top of my lungs without anyone to bother. but u know, God surprised me with this one. i expected at most friendship with my 2 roommies. but i never expected this - accountability, sisterhood, prayer warriors, and just plain fun. haha. it's been great!
4. brooklyn bridge! walter and i walked across the brooklyn bridge. it was awesome! it felt like an adventure as we walked from one borough to another. there's just something romantic about walking hand in hand with the one u love under the stars with the city lights aglow all around - especially with a destination of a famous ice cream place in mind. haha. =)
5. weddings and engagements. i got to stand in bryan/carol's wedding - one of my beloved friends. man, i couldn't stop crying that whole day. and i got to be paparazzi for the first time for carol/calvin's engagement. it was beautiful to be part of such a special moment. i love love - but it's amazing to be part of other people's love.
6. Glee! i love this show! good songs, good singing, ridiculous storylines, fun characters! what's not to love? ah, this show brings me so much weekly joy. life had a burst of happiness to look forward to every week. i can't wait til it's back!
7. christmas acappella. the resurrection of my past life. sigh. from warming up to the thrill/nausea of performing. i love it all. i forgot how i much i missed it. it was such a gift to be able to have been able to get a taste of it again.
8. being santa to my family. gift giving is my love language, and it brings me a lot of joy to be able to buy presents for my family and loved ones. u know, i may not make a lot of money, but i don't care. when it's christmas, i just can't help but want to shower my family with gifts i know they'll love. and i thank God for Jesus' birthday so that i can have this chance every year to bring a little joy to everyone else.
overall - when i think about the good vs the bad, i think the good outweighs the bad. and yeah, there were definitely a LOT of rough times this year, but i'm glad i did this exercise of gratitude. no matter how bad things may seem, or even are, there are always, ALWAYS, reasons to smile. and most of all, i'm thankful for how much i grew this year. God did a lot of stretching to this body of mine. i whined and cried through most of it, but i'm still alive and kicking - thanks to His grace, and thanks to my close friends, family, and bf who prayed for me and stuck by me even tho i was not a fun gal to be around. i survived, and i think i'm a little stronger for it.
here's to 2010! hope it's a good one! =)
long time no post! this entry is a little late - but i've been suffering/recovering from food poisoning, so it's been delayed a few days. haha.
since the last week of december to now, i've been thinking a lot about 2009. was it a good year? was it a bad year? am i looking forward to 2010? to be honest - i actually was NOT looking forward to 2010 b/c i felt like there were no good things to look forward to, b/c there weren't any definite good things that i knew were going to happen in the coming year. and b/c i'm still attending the wounds of 2009, i just wasn't seeing the rainbow to my hope.
so i said, mia - it's time you think about 2009 really carefully. was it really all that bad? i bet u can think of SOME good things about 2009. and so i did. i made a list of all the memorable things of 2009 - good and bad. here we go!
bad memories:
1. going to the dentist every weekend for 3 months to get 2 root canals. eek! those were some unpleasant weekends of having a sore mouth. haha, and man, for 3 months, i could only eat on one side of my mouth at a time. that made my slow-eating habits even slower!
2. going to the gym for what seemed like an eternity in order to get hot for bryan/carol's wedding. (which didn't even work in the end!!) man, i hate the gym. the smell, the sights, the routine-ness of it all - it reminds me of prison! i also did not enjoy eating so many salads. haha.
3. moving out of my briarwood studio. that was such a sad time! i lived in that studio for 3 years, and i was finally leaving it to move closer to walter, closer to work, and cheap rent. it was so, so hard for me to say goodbye. i loved that apt! it was so cute and mia-esque! i cried a lot as i locked my door for the last time.
4. FLEAS. eugh... just thinking about it makes me cranky. man, going through something like eradicating a flea situation is so hard on your patience and overall outlook on life. going home every night, knowing and seeing the fleas jump around on my bed was horrible. washing all my clothes every weekend was ridiculously annoying and time-consuming and expensive. cleaning the house from head to toe was exhausting and frustrating b/c there seemed to be no fruit from it. the fleas would still be there, and we would continue our endless misery. man, i wish fleas upon no one. and if i ever see my exterminator again, i will give him a BIG HUG for bringing joy back into my life. ahh, pesticides - how i love you.
5. and the worst memory of all - my awful work situation from june - oct. it was a long time for me to be so miserable at work. sigh. all the crying and stress is still so fresh in my mind. it was so painful for me to try to be faithful in truly believing that God had a purpose for this - and that it would eventually come to an end. man, i was such an unpleasant person during those months. if u looked up the word debbie downer in the dictionary - u'd see my picture. the only plus to this whole awfulness was how much weight i lost due to stress. i finally got down to my original weight, and my clothes fit again! haha. sigh - not eating for a few months will do that to u.
u may be saying to yourself - dang, mia had a rough year. and yes, yes she did. but here's what made 2009 good!
1. the awesomeness called Lost. haha, walter and i watched Lost seasons 2-present all in the span of a few short months. it was glorious. i couldn't stop watching. sure, we didn't see sunlight much on the weekends, but whatever. i couldn't tear myself away from the juiciness of all that this crazy island brings.
2. wedding videographer - stillmotion. man, they changed my life. after i saw their amazing talent, it opened doors to my imagination and gave me a renewed passion for romance and love. hahaha. u guys have no idea how many wedding videos i watched and teared up to.
3. new roommates. having lived alone for 3 years made me quite wary of living with roommates again. i wasn't sure if i could do it - let alone if i would like it. i quite enjoyed having my privacy, my ability to walk around in my underwear if i pleased, and to be able to sing at the top of my lungs without anyone to bother. but u know, God surprised me with this one. i expected at most friendship with my 2 roommies. but i never expected this - accountability, sisterhood, prayer warriors, and just plain fun. haha. it's been great!
4. brooklyn bridge! walter and i walked across the brooklyn bridge. it was awesome! it felt like an adventure as we walked from one borough to another. there's just something romantic about walking hand in hand with the one u love under the stars with the city lights aglow all around - especially with a destination of a famous ice cream place in mind. haha. =)
5. weddings and engagements. i got to stand in bryan/carol's wedding - one of my beloved friends. man, i couldn't stop crying that whole day. and i got to be paparazzi for the first time for carol/calvin's engagement. it was beautiful to be part of such a special moment. i love love - but it's amazing to be part of other people's love.
6. Glee! i love this show! good songs, good singing, ridiculous storylines, fun characters! what's not to love? ah, this show brings me so much weekly joy. life had a burst of happiness to look forward to every week. i can't wait til it's back!
7. christmas acappella. the resurrection of my past life. sigh. from warming up to the thrill/nausea of performing. i love it all. i forgot how i much i missed it. it was such a gift to be able to have been able to get a taste of it again.
8. being santa to my family. gift giving is my love language, and it brings me a lot of joy to be able to buy presents for my family and loved ones. u know, i may not make a lot of money, but i don't care. when it's christmas, i just can't help but want to shower my family with gifts i know they'll love. and i thank God for Jesus' birthday so that i can have this chance every year to bring a little joy to everyone else.
overall - when i think about the good vs the bad, i think the good outweighs the bad. and yeah, there were definitely a LOT of rough times this year, but i'm glad i did this exercise of gratitude. no matter how bad things may seem, or even are, there are always, ALWAYS, reasons to smile. and most of all, i'm thankful for how much i grew this year. God did a lot of stretching to this body of mine. i whined and cried through most of it, but i'm still alive and kicking - thanks to His grace, and thanks to my close friends, family, and bf who prayed for me and stuck by me even tho i was not a fun gal to be around. i survived, and i think i'm a little stronger for it.
here's to 2010! hope it's a good one! =)
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