today has been another hard day in which i am struggling to find something to be thankful for. what an exercise this is to force myself to be thankful when all i want to do is be grumpy, a debbie downer, and glass half empty. i'm learning that it's a LOT harder to be optimistic than it is to be pessimistic. perhaps it is due to murphy's law that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong. but i guess life isn't about lying down in defeat, it's about rising up and fighting.
so i fight - to stay positive and thankful.
today, i am thankful for the small 20 min break i took during my work day. unbeknownst to sy (who is trying to keep me accountable for not eating like a starved pig), i bought a bag of doritos and walked over to my old, favorite spot by my office. i sat there, alone, munching on my doritos, talking to God, laying down my burdens, and just being quiet. it reminded me of earlier days when i used to have a normal amount of work and had the time to eat lunch not at my desk, and not in a hurry, and not while multi tasking. it was like the old days of yonder when work wasn't an abyss of stress but just a place of work. it felt peaceful and i had felt the small stirrings of hope that maybe this was a preview of better days to come. (this was later crushed due to some more frustrating work-related issue) but for 20 min, i felt peaceful, slightly hopeful, and anxiety-free. that is so rare for me. and i cherished it like i had found a long-lost sweater.
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