Who am I?

I wrote this entry back in July, and I totally forgot to hit publish.  Here we go!

For the past 3 weeks, I have been in the process of changing my name.  It started with the social security office, then the DMV, and then any institution that has my name on record.

For the majority of my life, I couldn't WAIT to get rid of my last name.  It had been such a pain in the butt throughout childhood.  I was made fun of by other kids, I was once even made fun of by my own teacher.  On top of the teasing - it was also frustrating that no one ever pronounced my name correctly.  (people always call me maya joe.  why??? WHYYY???)

So for these very obvious reasons, I was all too eager to change my name when I got married.  But when I actually did get married, I suddenly found myself reluctant to change my name.  I had been my name for my entire life - and now I was supposed to be someone else?  So I dragged my feet - I took my sweet time - and postponed changing my name.  I wasn't ready for the change.

But now, 21 months into marriage, I decided it was time.  So I started the process.  Going to the social security office was a huge pain - it took me nearly an hour to get there.  But when I got there, it took all of 3 minutes for me to hand in a form, and bam! I was no longer Mia Joo.  In the United States of America, my record had changed instantly, and Mia Joo was gone.  As I packed up my belongings, I started to cry as I felt like I hadn't had a chance to really say goodbye to her.  It happened so fast, and she was gone in an instant.

I once heard a sermon about the significance of changing your name.  When you get a new name, you are given a new life.  When Saul became Paul - he was a new person.  He changed into a man who followed after Jesus and left behind his old ways. When I think about the old Mia - she definitely had her flaws.  I would love to be able to shed those flaws, those insecurities, and those negative qualities.  So instead of being sad - maybe I can take this opportunity to give myself a new life - start over - do things the way I always hoped to.

When I was a kid, I had heard about the benefit of starting over at a new school.  No one knew who you were before, so you could be anyone you wanted to be.  I never moved around, so my identity was always the same.  I guess this is my new "school" and my chance to reinvent myself.  Maybe Mia Sung will be a bold and daring woman.  Maybe she'll be more outgoing and fun!

Either way - I'm taking this new life change with careful consideration.  I don't want this to be just an edit on a form.  I want my new name to be symbolic of a new life, a new me.