from the inside out

last saturday, julia and i went to get a massage from a deal we got from lifebooker. as we approached the building, we both were happily surprised by what we saw. in front of us was a pretty majestic looking building. as we walked through the heavy glass doors, we were surrounded by white marble, and everything just looked super fancy. we even had to go through some pretty high-security measures just to get to the elevator. i found myself thinking, man, there must be some pretty important ppl here bc it's so fancy here, and not just any schlub off the street can get through.

however, when we got to the floor of the doctor's office, we quickly discovered that it was actually not nearly as nice up here as it was down on the lobby floor. as i stared at the wall during my massage, all i could see were old doorknobs, old moldings, thick varnished paint, and faint patches of wood. it was weird to think that they would spend so much money making their lobby so beautiful, and not even do half as good of a job on the rooms themselves.

it made me wonder - do we do this with ourselves? do we go above and beyond to make our outside appearances amazingly beautiful in order to deceive the watching world that we are as put together and gleaming as we seem? are most of us also shells of a person, who in actuality is just a barely renovated, shabby room? once we see the inside, do we want a refund?

it was a terrible thought to think, but sadly, quite possibly true for so many of us.

as part of our lifebooker deal, we also received a chiropractic evaluation. my doctor told me that the cause of all the pains, aches, and allergies of my life were due to my spine not being straight - that some of my spine had become unaligned. once everything was adjusted and re-aligned, all the aches that i felt would disappear, and i'd live a healthy, happy life.

as i sat there and listened to him tell me the importance of re-aligning my spine, it made me wonder - what else in my life has strayed away from my "straight spine"? at the retreat, pastor carl talked about how God's song is beautiful, but when we notice that our songs are off-key, or off-rhythm, it means that we're not in sync with God's song, so we have to get back in. i feel like, the chiropractic theory is very similar to our spiritual walks. if we're not aligned with God's will for our lives, then we will certainly experience aches, troubles, and pain in our lives. but when we're aligned with God, we will stay straight on the right path. i thought about all the times that i tried to do things MY way bc of MY desires and MY wishes. that always got me into trouble. it was only when i readjusted myself to remember that this life is not my own, and turned back to the path i had left, that's when things would feel less strenuous, less painful.

but you know, through both moments of revelation, i saw that outside appearances are so deceiving. on the outside, we look like healthy people. but did you guys know that sometimes i have trouble sleeping at night bc my back hurts? or did you guys know that i am so allergic to insect bites that my entire limb will swell up and i need to ice-pack myself all night? no one knows this bc it's all on the inside. just like the building's exterior and lobby, everything looked beautiful and i had high expectations. i would never have guessed that it would be so dilapidated inside. what's the point of having such an awesome outside when you only look at it for a couple of seconds? it's what's on the inside that you have to live with for a lifetime.

i don't want to be a disappointment to whoever looks at my inside. i want to be as shiny and new and beautiful inside and out to all who see me. no shell - just . . . me.