Today, at church, I sat and prayed for a long time. I prayed about potentially getting this new job and that maybe this week could be the week that my life changes. And as I thought about all the other things in my life that I wish I could change, I broke down in tears feeling down and discouraged. Thoughts of what if I don't get this job rattled within ny head. My jealous comparisons stung me left me and right. And as I sat there crying, the worship team began singing a song I haven't heard in a long time and the lyrics haunted me.
"I love You, more than anything, more than anything Jesus."
And as I sat there, listening to the lovely melody of this lyric, I thought about how it's been a long time since I've felt this way. Do I love jesus more than anything? Or do I love the idea of a new job more? Or do I love the idea of winning the lottery more? Or do I love the idea of being skinny more? I thought about how right now, I love all those things more. And maybe if I loved jesus more, I wouldn't feel so unhappy bc if He is all I want, I can easily get Him. And then wouldn't I be satisfied? I realized that I am not content to have just jesus anymore. I need everything else.
It was such a wake up call of how much I have neglected my relationship with God. My eyes have not been fixed on Him. I have been fixed on things of this world. I'm not sure how I am going to go about this, but I know that perspective has to change. Not just being grateful for what I have, but not valuing these worldly things as much.
So today, I am thankful for my worship team for playing the perfect song at the perfect moment to pierce my heart. I really needed to hear it.
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